


One February Friday

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Drama, M/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-20
Updated: 2010-09-24
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:29:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 75,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friday night at a little bar where anything goes. You never know who's going to walk through the door to make life just a little more interesting. Slashy threesome lemons.Edward/Jasper/Peter, J/P, J/E.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  [ ](http://s118.beta.photobucket.com/user/lyricalkris/media/Twilight%20Fanfic%20Stuff/onefebruaryfriday-1.png.html)   
> 

**A/n: For this fic, 100 Monkeys sexy, singer Jackson will be playing the part of Jasper, clean shaven Ryan Reynolds is playing the part of Peter and Rob is doing his finest work as little lost boy Edward (no, of course he's not actually a child). Om nom.**

**Disclaimer: This is your brain on Jackson Rathbone. Any questions? These beautiful creatures belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

Peter Damon stepped through the door of The Cherry Pit and immediately felt a smile spread across his face. The tension and stress from his work week left his body and his shoulders relaxed. His eyes flitted over the other patrons as he strode confidently forward. A few of the regulars lifted a hand or tipped a glass in acknowledgment.

As he walked across the room, he knew eyes were on him. Why wouldn't they be? Peter was an attractive man and he damn well knew it. He could easily have any man or woman in this joint, but there was only one he was really interested in at the moment.

Finding his favorite booth free was like the whipped cream topping on his rapidly improving mood. He slid into the seat, his eyes instantly trained on the pub's small stage.

The Cherry Pit was host to local bands almost every night of the week, but Fridays were reserved for the best. The current band's lead singer was presently owning the audience, guitar in hand and smooth, sexy voice on the mic.

The man on the stage was everything that Peter was not. While Peter was all impeccable shirt and vest combo with neatly pressed slacks, Jasper Whitlock was the epitome of grungy. His blond hair was long and scraggly and currently held in place with his signature red bandanna. Peter's soft brown hair was just long enough to be pleasing to run your fingers through and just gelled enough to look carefully tousled. Peter worked a 60 hour work week busting his ass to get places in life. Jasper taught self defense classes during the day and made music and sweet love at night. Jasper liked to joke that they were both kicking ass and taking names, his just came with phone numbers and hot kisses.

Peter watched Jasper perform with hungry eyes. The man had a gift. He communicated his passion through his music and his singing never failed to cause Peter's blood to simmer in his body. As he sang and played, Jasper's eyes caught random members of the audience, holding their gazes for a few seconds at at a time.

When Jasper's eyes met Peter's, his eyebrows quirked perceptibly. The grin that spread across his face was slow and wide. His blue-green eyes at once softened and smoldered, making Peter's cock twitch in his pants as they drank him in.

With a wink, Jasper let his eyes wander away to engage the next audience member, but Peter wasn't jealous. He knew what would happen as soon as the singer's set was over. Instead of thinking about the other patrons in the room who were also privy to his impassioned performance, Peter chose to concentrate on the little things he loved. He loved the way Jasper's lips pursed when he was playing and not singing. He loved when Jasper's voice took on a slightly higher pitch, making people grin along with the words he sang. He loved the look of pure happiness on the other man's face as he shared his gift with the room.

A few minutes later the band's set ended. Jasper turned to his bandmates and had a quick conversation before turning toward Peter. He leaped off the stage deftly and only vaguely acknowledged a number of well wishers before sliding into the booth beside Peter. His hands instantly went for the other man's neck, wrapping around it and tugging him forward. Peter didn't have to be asked twice. He ducked his head, meeting Jasper's lips as all the energy from the music and the atmosphere translated into insatiable kisses and grasping hands. Peter grabbed Jasper's black undershirt with both of his hands, pulling the other man harder against him as his mouth opened and their tongues danced to the rhythm of the music being pumped overhead.

When their kiss broke minutes later, they were both breathing raggedly. Peter's eyes wandered up and down Jasper's body, taking him in. He gave a little groan as Jasper's tongue darted out to lick his swollen lips. He ducked in again, his hand cupping Jasper's cheek this time as he kissed him slowly. He felt Jasper's lips turn up into a smile against his mouth as he kissed back. The singer's hands were gentle now as he ran his fingers through Peter's hair.

This kiss broke after only a few more seconds. Jasper chuckled. "And here I was beginning to think you didn't miss me," he said as he unwound his hands from behind Peter's neck. He picked up the beer Peter had doubtless ordered for him and put it to his lips, drinking down the cool liquid gratefully.

Peter watched Jasper's throat move as he drank, taking in the other man's fine features. "Come on, you know better than that. It's just been a busy few weeks, that's all."

Jasper scoffed. "Let me guess. Your office buddies took you out for the night and you had to play the game with some pretty little trinket on your arm. Who did you take? Charlotte?"

With a sigh, Peter let his hand drop from Jasper's face down onto his thigh. "Come on, Jasper," he said quietly, rubbing the other man's leg soothingly. "How many times do we have to do this?"

"Honestly, what's the worst that could happen?" Jasper asked, irritation creeping into his tone. "Like it somehow impedes on your ability to kick ass at your job because you take it in the ass?" Jasper rolled his eyes.

"There you go again, fighting the good fight. Look, I'm here now, and I don't want to have this discussion. We've been over this," Peter said warily, letting his hand roam to Jasper's inner thigh as he spoke.

Jasper grumbled but his argument fell away as Peter moved his hand over the crotch of his jeans. "You're lucky I'm not looking for anything serious," he muttered, putting his arm behind Peter on the booth as he let his fingers brush the other man's neck.

"Mmm," Peter agreed. "I am at that." He leaned in then, kissing Jasper's taut lips softly. At first, Jasper refused to return the kisses, but the combined pleasure of Peter's hand working over him and his lips moving against him melted his resolve. Jasper gave in with a quiet groan, placing one hand back on Peter's neck while the other traced the muscles of his chest through the shirt he wore.

As Peter's lips and lightly biting teeth made their way down Jasper's neck, the singer tilted his head back against the booth obligingly. He knew Peter had a hard time balancing both parts of himself that he felt the need to keep separate, so Jasper let the other man speak what he felt and what he wanted through kisses and touches. He turned slightly, craning his neck toward the door as Peter took his earlobe in between his lips.

Then, Jasper's breath caught in his throat. "Oh. Now, look at that," he murmured as his eyes caught on the figure that had just stepped through the doorway.

Peter, somewhat reluctantly, looked up to see what Jasper was talking about. Then he let out a low, appreciative whistle.

Jasper worked his fingers through Peter's hair as he took in the man who was still standing in the doorway. He was tall, though the way he carried himself was slumped inward - slightly defensive. His eyes peered up from beneath long lashes as he glanced around the place. But his face - God. His face was a combination of the finest features Jasper had ever seen. Strong jaw, high cheekbones, and his lips... holy hell. Kissable was putting it mildly. There was a light smattering of stubble on his chin that made him look older than he most certainly was - but it was his eyes that betrayed his true and obvious youth. They were a vibrant shade of green, startling in their depth and beauty, but they were also painfully uncertain. Jasper noticed the way he stood a little straighter when two guys walked passed him toward the bar. He was trying fairly desperately to look like he belonged here and he was failing miserably.

The stranger reached up and pulled the hoodie off of his head, unleashing the most absurdly perfectly disheveled, bronze colored hair. Some of it immediately fell into his eyes in an endearing fashion. Jasper was struck by how strongly he wanted to go to the stranger and brush his hair back with gentle fingers.

And, also, how he wanted to run both of his hands through the stranger's long locks as he shoved his tongue down his throat.

But mostly, Jasper felt a sort of tenderness toward the stranger. Despite the bravado he was attempting, he looked like a little lost boy and Jasper wanted to make him feel safe.

Then Jasper noticed he wasn't the only one looking. Of course he wasn't, this boy was beautiful. But Jasper felt an uneasy inkling in the pit of his stomach at the predatory way some of the bar's other patrons were staring at the kid - like ravenous hyenas licking their chops in anticipation. Jasper knew a thing or two about some of the other guys in here; guys who were looking for a pretty, innocent,  _easy_ face. They'd have him strung up on every kind of drug, doing exactly what  _they_ wanted before he could blink.

Peter's hand squeezed his thigh. "I know that look," he said quietly, slightly disapproving. "You can't save everyone from themselves, Jasper."

Jasper scoffed lightly, still tracing idle patterns against the back of Peter's neck. "You come here, with me, to get away from the dog eat dog game out there." He turned, kissing Peter softly once before he stood. "Besides, look at him. He seems...interesting." Jasper waggled his eyebrows comically and Peter couldn't help but smile back. He rolled his eyes and lifted his arms in a 'well, go on then' movement before resting them on the back of the booth.

As Jasper crossed the place to where the stranger was glancing between the bar and some of the other tables and booths, Jasper noticed another patron was making his way toward the boy. His eyes narrowed and he picked up the pace. It was entirely possible this boy could hold his own against the other carnivores in here, but the man who was headed for him was the worst sort of predator. He was the type who viewed the boys he went after as conquests. He'd chew this kid up and spit him out without a second thought. James Hunter.

Jasper got to the stranger only a second before James and he threw his arm around the kid's shoulder. "There you are!" The kid stiffened, immediately trying to back away but Jasper held him tightly. He leaned in and murmured against his ear in the most calming tone he could, "Easy there. Just trust me. Go with it."

The stranger relaxed only slightly and Jasper was relieved that he didn't fight it. He called over his shoulder to the waitress as he lead the stranger to his booth, "Hey, Angie! Few more cold ones over here, yeah?"

He let go of the pretty boy stranger as they got closer to the booth. "Have a seat. That pack looks heavy," Jasper said kindly, indicating the heavy looking backpack the stranger carried over one shoulder. His green eyes were wary but he sat, running a hand through his hair nervously. "I'm sorry about that," Jasper said apologetically. He tilted his head discretely at James who was still glaring in their direction. "That guy is bad news."

The stranger looked up from underneath his lashes again. The effect was even better up close. The mixture of innocence, defensiveness and a tiny tinge of arrogance was somewhat bewitching. "What gives me the feeling that he'd say the same about you?"

Peter chuckled and Jasper grinned. "It's true, James doesn't like this cheeky bastard very much. But then, James doesn't like anyone who can see behind the oh so charming exterior he puts up."

Jasper shook his head. "This is Peter Damon by the way," he said, gesturing to Peter. "And I'm Jasper Whitlock."

They were interrupted as Angela brought them a round of ice cold beers. The stranger grabbed his with a murmured, "Thank you," and cradled it between his hands, betraying his continued nervousness. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"Well, Edward, it's a pleasure to meet you," Jasper said, grinning his most charming grin. He could see Edward's slight smile as he returned his eyes to the table, drinking his beer almost self consciously. Peter's hand came up and he started combing through the tangles of Jasper's messy hair with unhurried fingers. "So, do you really think we're bad news?"

Edward quirked an eyebrow. "You could be," he acknowledged. "But no, I don't think you are." His eyes seemed to sparkle with quiet humor. "And I'm usually right."

"About people?" Peter asked.

"No, about everything," Edward said, not entirely serious. Jasper and Peter exchanged a look. How could someone be at once vulnerable and cocky? It was a conundrum.

And they liked it.

"So, Edward. I haven't seen you around here," Jasper prompted. "What's your story?"

Edward ran his hand through his hair self consciously again. "It's a little adolescent," he admitted.

Peter found himself charmed at the fact that this boy seemed to have no filter. Like he didn't know enough about the world let to know when to bluff and when to hide behind a mask. "We're not here to judge you, kid." He grinned easily. "Neither of us are your father."

"Yeah, well," Edward chuffed. "That's exactly what I'm doing here." He sighed and straightened up, looking them both in the eye before he continued. "I suppose the long and short of it is that I'm twenty-one years old and I don't know that I've really made a single decision for myself. I mean, my mom and dad, they've given me everything I could want in life. You know? I've grown up knowing I was going to follow my dad's footsteps - become a doctor.

"So I'm sitting there, busting my ass when I realize I don't want to do this. My parents - they mean well and they love me, but they've been so busy protecting what  _they_ feel my interests should be. You know?" He growled softly and ran his hands through is hair again. "Fuck, that does sound like rebellious teenage angst bullshit," he grimaced.

"No, man. We've all been there," Jasper said, shaking his head slightly. "There comes a point in every guy's life when he's just got to do what's right for him," he continued, turning to glance meaningfully at Peter. In response, Peter narrowed his eyes slightly and gave a strand of Jasper's hair a light tug. Jasper smirked and turned back to Edward. "So you lit on out of there I take it?"

Relieved that these strangers were actually listening and hadn't been put off by his tale, Edward nodded slowly. "I uh... I hitchhiked here from Chicago," he admitted, glancing down at the bottle of beer in his hands. He was irrationally proud of himself for this fact.

Peter frowned, about to say how dangerous that was, but Jasper spoke first. "That's the way to do it. You can't live life constantly afraid, you know?"

Edward looked up, a little surprised. Then he grinned an alarmingly gorgeous, lopsided grin. "Yeah. It was...liberating."

They continued talking, just small talk as Edward got more and more comfortable with the two of them. Though he didn't come right out and say it, he was obviously inexperienced with intimacy and attraction - with boys  _and_ girls. He spoke of one girl when he was seventeen, but other than her, no names came up in their vague conversations.

But he didn't show any discomfort at the displays off affection between Peter and Jasper. Far from it; he looked curious, even a little envious. Jasper had tried innocently brushing his foot against Edward's leg under the booth. Each time he did it Edward's eyes would flutter just slightly and he would shift in his seat; not uncomfortably, but in a way that made Jasper think that maybe the younger man was getting the same red hot tingles of raw want in the base of his belly that he was.

Now, the question was how to move this along without scaring Edward away, because Jasper thought it was a distinct possibility that he would explode if he didn't get to kiss those perfect, pouty, pink lips soon.

Jasper was driven out of his little fantasy when a chair thunked down at the head of the table and none other than James Hunter plopped himself down in it, his chest against the chair back. Jasper scowled. "What are you doing here, Hunter?"

"Now, now," James tsked at Jasper. "Don't be rude, Jazz. Your mother raised you better than that."

"Your filthy mouth needs to stop talking about my mother. You're not welcome at this table," Jasper said, his voice low and dangerous.

James snickered. "Are you going to introduce me to your new friend?"

"You were asked to leave," Peter said, his own voice angry.

James waved his hand at that side of the table and looked over at Edward. His eyes, as they took the young man in, were hungry in that ravenous sort of way. Edward tried to hold his gaze with hard eyes but he found it difficult not to want to squirm. James was making him very uncomfortable. "Well, you have a voice of your own, don't you boy?" James asked, reaching out to stroke Edward's cheek.

Edward recoiled and Jasper saw red. "Hows about you keep your filthy hands to yourself?" he demanded, getting to his feet.

"Jasper," Peter warned, but Jasper was incensed.

Snickering, James looked up at Jasper, not seeming even the slightest bit worried. "Just what are you going to do about it?"

Edward stood then. "Come on, Jasper. Let's go home," he said insistently.

Jasper's eyes darted up to Edward's, surprised. Edward's gaze was steady and sure as he stared back. "You being in jail would put a damper on my night," Edward added.

Peter, seeing that Edward was dead serious, got out of the booth, throwing some money down on the table.

Finally, Jasper turned to James and simply gave him a smirk. "Looks like I got places to be, Hunter."

Without a second look, he took Edward's outstretched arm. Peter fell in on the other side of Edward and together the three walked out of the bar.

"I hope I didn't embarrass you," Edward said quickly as soon as they were out of the bar.

"Did you mean it?" Jasper returned, trying not to sound as eager as he felt.

Edward looked down. "Yeah," he said hesitantly. "I...If you want to," he looked over to Peter nervously. "I mean, I don't want to intrude on anything you got going here," he babbled.

"It's okay," Peter said. "Believe me, kid. We want to." He tilted his head in the direction of the parking lot. "Let's go. My car, his place." Peter nodded at Jasper.

***  
Jasper's apartment was a small but comfortable one bedroom. It was surprisingly neat - a complete contrast to his sloppy appearance. As soon as he came in the door, Edward slipped out of his shoes.

Jasper looked at him, completely amused, and Edward shrugged sheepishly. "Your carpets are white."

"Your shoes aren't dirty," Jasper pointed out.

Edward shrugged. "Habit," he explained.

Peter shut the door harder than he intended and Edward jumped. Peter chuckled. "Relax, kid."

Running his hands through his hair, Edward tilted his head, looking at Peter. "Why do you keep calling me kid?"

"Because you're a baby," Peter responded, raising an eyebrow. "Compared to me."

Edward chuffed. "Come on. You can't be that old."

"I'm twenty-eight," Peter responded, crossing his arms and leaning against the door. "Does that bother you?"

"No," Edward said quickly. "That's around what I had assumed." He looked at Jasper, curious. "And you?"

"Twenty-three," Jasper said.

Edward nodded, looking back down at his feet. "See, neither of you are very old."

The room fell into silence then, none of them really knowing who was going to make the first move. Relatively few seconds later, Jasper decided he was done waiting for that kiss.

Moving slowly, so there was absolutely no question about what was happening, Jasper put both of his hands on Edward's cheeks. He felt Edward's skin flush beneath the pads of his fingers as he stroked his cheek softly. Edward was looking down, but he wasn't moving away. His hands came up and wrapped around Jasper's arms. Jasper could feel he was trembling just slightly, but he wasn't running.

Leaning in the scant two inch height difference between the two of them, Jasper kissed Edward's full lips with lightest of touches once, twice, then again before backing away just an inch. He watched Edward's face, gauging his reaction. Neither man moved for a moment but then it was Edward who tilted his head up slightly and caught Jasper's lower lip between both of his, kissing him shyly.

Smiling against Edward's lips, Jasper kissed him back, his kisses slightly firmer. He didn't pull away this time, but let his kisses linger slowly, completely unhurried. His hands went from the younger man's cheeks and threaded into his hair, finally feeling the baby soft strands between his fingers. Edward gave the tiniest moan and Jasper had to struggle not to grind his hips into the other man's in response.

Peter remained leaning against the door for a few minutes, just watching the slow, sensual make-out session as desire built in him. Then he couldn't take it any longer. He wanted a taste.

He strode forward, wrapping one arm around Edward's waist and pulling him out of Jasper's hands. He pressed the bronze-haired man against his body, making no effort to hide his arousal as his lips descended on Edward. Where Jasper had been gentle and slow, Peter was demanding and eager. Edward's hands flew up and he made a startled noise, but again he didn't pull away. Instead, his hands came up to Peter's shoulders as Peter's ran up and down his back. Then Peter's tongue was in his mouth. It was almost too much. Not bad, but so much sensation all at once.

But then Jasper was there, his hands on Edward's shoulders, massaging lightly. The effect was grounding and nervousness slipped further into the back of Edward's consciousness. He opened his mouth wider, letting Peter's tongue find his own. He tasted good, Edward realized; faintly of good beer and musky man. It was delicious.

Jasper's hands looped around Edward to the zipper of his hoodie. He slid it down, the zipping sound loud in the relatively quiet room. Edward let Jasper pull the hoodie off of him, releasing his hold on Peter just long enough to shrug out of it. "Fuck," Jasper murmured in appreciation. Edward's blue shirt was tight on his body, showing off the definition of the muscles of his back and arms.

Desperate to breathe, Peter and Edward's kiss broke, both of them panting for air. Jasper took the opportunity to pull Edward back against him. He looked at Peter over Edward's shoulder. "Lose the vest," Jasper rumbled. Then he put his lips to Edward's neck, trailing hard, wet kisses along the skin there. Edward watched through hooded eyes as Peter slipped out of his vest, tossing it to the ground. Then he did Jasper one better and unbuttoned his shirt, his eyes watching as Edward's eyes took in his tanned, well-defined six pack. Edward licked his lips in anticipation, a strangled mewling sound coming out of his mouth as Jasper found a particularly sensitive spot right above his collar bone.

Peter stepped forward, holding Edward's eyes as he moved his hands to the other man's shirt. He tugged it up and over Edward's head, throwing it toward the growing pile of clothing on the floor as he slipped out of his shoes. Letting his hands follow the light scattering of chest hair down Edward's body, Peter bent slightly, capturing Edward's lips again. Edward's hands similarly explored Peter's bare chest as he tilted his head to better accommodate the nips and licks Jasper was tracing all along his neck.

When Peter's hands got to where Edward's happy trail met the hem of his jeans, he paused. He broke his kiss with Edward so he could look him in the eye as he undid the button and slid the zipper down. He didn't release Edward's eyes until he had pulled both the jeans and the boxer shorts Edward wore down his legs.

Edward's breathing was staccato, his face flushed and his hands still as he stepped out of his jeans. Jasper peered down over his shoulders and gave a whistle against Edward's ear. "Well, hey big daddy."

The tension in the set of Edward's shoulders eased visibly as he laughed.

"This is nice. Very nice," Peter agreed. He was already taking off his own slacks as he spoke.

"Umm, thanks," Edward said, pleased but uncertain if this was how he was supposed to respond. He swallowed convulsively. "I've never-" he started, but trailed off. "I mean, I haven't-"

"Shhhhh," Jasper soothed. "It's okay," he murmured against Edward's ear, pressing a soft, reassuring kiss there. "You don't have to do anything. Just let us make you feel good." He reached around and put one hand flat against Edward's bare chest, feeling the speed of his heartbeat. "Okay?"

Edward let out a long, shaky breath but he was leaning back against Jasper's chest and tilting his head into Peter's hand. "Yeah. Okay," he muttered finally. He let Jasper guide him backward.

Jasper sat on the couch pulling Edward down to sit beside him. "Lay down," he commanded softly, guiding Edward down so his head was resting on Jasper's still jean-clad lap. In the mean time, Peter had moved to stand at the foot of the couch and was pulling Edward's socks off his feet. He took a moment to run his fingers lightly down the soles of Edward's feet, breaking the tension once again by making Edward chuckle.

"You," Jasper said, pointing at Peter with mock hard expression, "On your knees."

Peter's cock twitched at Jasper's commanding tone. He walked slowly back around the couch and knelt where Jasper had thrown one of the pillows down on the ground. As he knelt he guided Edward's leg closest to him down flat against the cushions so he had a better view of, and better access to, his hardened length. He leaned down, pressing a kiss against Edward's thigh as he waited for Jasper's next command.

"Feel him," Jasper directed in a husky tone. His hands where running through Edward's hair as he spoke. "Tell him how you like how he feels."

Without anymore prompting, Peter's hands instantly went to Edward's cock. Edward gasped as both of Peter's hands circled his shaft, fist over first. The small jerk of his head sent a pleasing vibration through Jasper's core and he tugged Edward's hair just a little roughly. Edward's eyes fluttered closed as Peter began moving his hands over Edward's shaft - not pumping, but merely feeling him. "I like how you feel like silk over granite in my hands. I can feel all your heat and how hard you are for us." He let one hand drop lower, finding and moving over Edward's balls as his other hand held Edward's cock, his thumb working over the tip in slow circles. "I want to feel this in my mouth, and inside me," he said gruffly, glad that his cock was free of any confines as guttural sounds tumbled from Edward's lips.

"Taste him," Jasper commanded. "Slowly. Lick the tip of his cock. Be very thorough."

Peter leaned in, wrapping his lips around the tip of Edward's cock as directed. He pressed his tongue flat against the head, swirling it in circles around one, concentrated spot as Edward hissed in pleasure, his hand coming up to Peter's bare back and stroking randomly. Peter let his tongue run along the underside of Edward's tip, careful to lick around the entire circumference as he let a single finger trace around and in between Edward's balls.

Jasper rested one hand lightly on Peter's head while the other stroked under Edward's chin. "Suck him off. I want you to feel his cock in the back of your throat." He leaned down so he could whisper close to Edward's ear. "You like that, darl? Isn't Peter a good dick licker?"

As Peter began working Edward's cock in and out of his mouth, Edward gasped. "Jesus Christ. That's... just. Yeah. Oh."

"I think he likes it Peter," Jasper drawled, amused and turned-on. Edward could feel the bulge in Jasper's jeans against the back of his head quite clearly.

"Yeah," Edward breathed. "Fuck. Yeah. It's good. Fucking... it's fantastic," he mumbled, his hand roaming up Peter's back and tangling in his hair.

"Make sure you take him all in, Peter. I know you can do it," Jasper said.

Peter was more than thorough. Inch by inch he worked his way down Edward's cock, using the tip of his tongue to trace patterns as he bobbed his head up and down. When Edward felt the head of his cock brush the back of Peter's throat he threw his head back, arching his hips up as he tried to stop himself from thrusting hard into Peter's mouth.

"Don't hold back, Edward," Jasper murmured. "Peter loves it when you fuck his mouth. Don't you, Peter?"

The vibration of Peter's hum around Edward's cock made the younger man groan - a long, half whimpered sound. Unable to stop himself this time, Edward bucked his hips, his length sliding further down Peter's throat.

"Fuck," Jasper cursed, wishing now he'd lost the jeans before they started this. He was painfully hard at this point. He chose to act out his lustful exuberance physically by leaning down and capturing Edward's lips with his own. He thrust his tongue into Edward's mouth, swallowing the other man's moans and whimpers eagerly.

Only a few minutes passed by before Edward loosened himself from Jasper's kisses. "I'm... fuck. I'm gonna," he said in a throaty babble.

"Let it go, darl," Jasper encouraged. "Peter's gonna swallow every last drop."

With that, Edward's fingers dug into the skin of Peter's back as he let out a long cry. His cock convulsed in Peter's mouth and as Jasper promised, Peter swallowed every sweet drop. When Edward was spent Peter licked his way back up, diligently cleaning him up and making sure he hadn't missed any. He sat back on his haunches, watching with a haughty grin as Edward caught his breath. Edward opened his eyes finding Peter's and smiling back. "Jesus that was fucking incredible. Intense."

Both of the other men laughed quietly. Jasper brushed the hair out of Edward's eyes, away from his clammy forehead.

Abruptly, Edward sat up and Peter sat beside him. Both of the other men were surprised when Edward all but attacked Peter's lips, kissing him voraciously."Did you mean it?" Edward asked between kisses.

"Mmm, what? What? I'm... confused," Peter said, boggled but not unwilling. Jasper watched the two with great amusement.

And a little jealousy. Jasper squirmed in his jeans again.

"Do you want," Edward was slightly out of breath. "Do you want me to fuck you?" he said, the words all running together with his nervous excitement.

Peter stared at him for a moment, a little gaped mouth while Jasper covered quiet chuckles with his hand. Then he smiled, an impish grin, as he traded his fingers down Edward's shoulder, over his forearm and finally wrapped them around the younger man's wrist. He guided Edward's hand to his hardened length, wrapping both of their fingers around it. "You feel this?" he asked, running their joined fingers slowly up and down his shaft. "This is all for you." Peter leaned in, his lips touching Edward's in a slow, smoldering kiss as they both pumped his cock. "Does that answer your question?"

Breathless, Edward nodded. Then he turned to Jasper, again surprising both the other men as he plunged his hands into Jasper's hair, pulling him forward into one of his enthusiastic, hard kisses. He frowned though as his roaming hands met cloth instead of bare skin. "You're still dressed," he said unnecessarily.

Jasper smirked. "You just noticed this?"

"I was a little distracted," Edward defended, smoothing Jasper's unruly hair back. At some point the bandanna had gotten lost.

"So, are you going to help me out or what?" Jasper asked, his voice gravely.

Edward was obviously a little surprised but he recovered well. "Yeah, I think I could do that," he murmured, slipping his hands underneath Jasper's shirt without hesitation.

He let his hands roam against Jasper's heated flesh. "You're so hot."

Jasper quirked an eyebrow in amusement. "Thank you."

Peter chuckled, enjoying watching the impromptu strip show as he lazily ran his hand over his cock. "Come on, Edward. He looks even better without the clothes. Trust me."

At that, Edward pulled Jasper's shirt up and off, tossing it away from where they all sat on the couch. He raked his fingers down Jasper's chest, causing the other man's breath to catch in his throat a little. With a slight smirk, Edward traced his finger around Jasper's belly button.

"Shit, you little tease," Jasper laughed, tugging on Edward's hair in retribution.

Edward's hands finally continued down, undoing the button of Jasper's jeans. With Jasper's help he got them down and off, one hand rubbing over the tent in his boxer shorts.

Jasper stood, pulling Edward up with him. With both hands on either side of the other man's face, Jasper pulled him forward for a kiss. Edward kissed back, letting his tongue slip and slide into Jasper's mouth with purpose as his hands pushed his boxer's down. Jasper wiggled a little, letting them side down his body before kicking the underwear off.

When their kiss broke Jasper kept his hands on Edward's face and for an instant, something passed between them that was almost tender. Jasper kissed him once more quickly before letting him go and stepping to the end table. He pulled a bottle of what looked like lube from a drawer there and waved it at Edward.

Ridiculously, Edward felt his face get hot as he blushed.

Jasper poured a liberal amount of lube on his hands before flinging the bottle nearby enough that they could get to it easily if they needed to. He stepped forward, taking Edward's cock in both of his hands and stroking slowly, coating every inch of him in the slippery liquid. As he applied the lube, he nipped and licked lightly along Edward's jaw line. "Don't be afraid," he murmured softly. "You're not going to hurt him." He gave Edward a cheeky grin. "Peter and I aren't exactly virgins. Just go with what you feel and he'll tell you what he wants." Jasper glanced over Edward's shoulder at where Peter reclined on the couch. "You'll find that the only way to get Peter to shut up is to shove a cock in his mouth." Peter rolled his eyes, but he was grinning nonetheless.

Edward leaned in, littering Jasper's neck and shoulders with tiny kisses. "Not for nothing, but isn't the bedroom, I don't know, more comfortable?"

"It can be," Peter said, getting to his feet. He pressed himself against Edward's back, sliding his hands around the younger man's waist and resting them on Jasper's. "But, it's high time I had Jasper's lips wrapped around my dick," he said with a light leer. "And that's easier this way, just trust me." He leaned in as Jasper did over Edward's shoulder and they kissed, pressing the other man in between them. The combined sensation of Jasper's hands working over his cock and Peter grinding against his ass was nothing short of heavenly. He needed to be in one of them.

Now.

As if they sensed his eagerness, or because they too were ready to have each other, Jasper and Peter broke their kiss. Peter turned around, but not before giving Edward's neck a quick, sharp, bite. Edward yelped, turning around out of Jasper's grasp. He rubbed his neck as he watched the scene unfold in front of him.

Jasper walked over to where Peter stood and sat, not on the couch but on the floor with his back against it. Peter adjusted his stance so he was standing over Jasper, his cock right at face level as he leaned over, bracing himself against the back of the couch. Jasper wasted no time. He was worked up and more than ready to hear the noises he knew he could elicit from Peter. His hands wrapped around the base of Peter's shaft as his lips closed around the head of his cock.

Peter's head flew back as he let out a moan. "Fuck, baby. Yeah. You know how I like it."

Edward walked forward then, his lust overtaking his jitters. Remembering Jasper's advice to do what he felt, Edward pressed his chest lightly against Peter's back as his hands came around to stroke the other man's chest. He ran the pads of his fingers over Peter's chest in random patterns with the softest of touches. Where his skin touched Peter's back, Edward could feel the delicious shivers that coursed through the other man's body. "Jesus, Edward," Peter barked, his voice strangely strangled. Christ, the kid hadn't even really done anything yet.

Encouraged, Edward kept running one hand over Peter's skin, tweaking his nipple experimentally as he did. He was rewarded when Peter whimpered.  _Whimpered._ Fuck, that was a turn on.

So with his other hand, Edward pressed the tip of his cock against Peter's asshole.

Edward was surprised how easily he began to slide into Peter. It was strange because, as easy as it was, it was so fucking tight and, Jesus Christ, so ... hot. Heat just enveloped his cock, squeezing it in an unfamiliar and yet - holy hell - spectacular way.

Peter rocked back, rotating his hips slightly and causing new sensations to roll through him from both ends. "Come on, baby. Fuck me hard," Peter demanded through gritted teeth.

Well, fuck, Edward could take direction when he really wanted to.

Not needing to be told again, Edward thrust into Peter forcefully. "Yes!" Peter cried, thrusting in turn into Jasper's mouth.

Jasper wasn't kidding about how vocal Peter was during sex. The man shouted the most filthy things that Edward thought he'd ever heard as he cried out for Edward to fuck him harder, or faster, or deeper. Edward always was more than happy to comply, driving himself in and out of Peter again and again as his hands rubbed over the other man's sensitive nipples and he kissed and bit along his shoulders.

"Oh, shit." Peter had one hand running over Jasper's head, stroking through his hair and then down around his chin as Jasper worked over him. "You feel so good. You  _both_ feel so good."

Peter reached back, finding Edward's ass with his hand and squeezing the skin he found there. "Come on. I'm almost there. Bring me home, kid."

"Unnngh," Edward cried out, his wordless moan muffled against Peter's skin as he bit down on his shoulder. Peter threw he head back, his hand hand tangling into Edward's hair as he kept the younger man's face pressed against his skin. Peter pushed his ass back once more against Edward before he could feel the other man's cock begin to spill inside of him. The sensation and Edward's teeth on his skin and Jasper's lips and tongue over his own cock drove Peter over his own edge.

"Fuck! Fuck. Jesus sweet mother of Mary God," Peter shouted as he came hard straight down Jasper's throat. With his hands braced flat on the floor, Jasper was deep throating Peter at that point. He lifted one hand off the floor to run a finger between Peter's balls, encouraging them to empty.

Panting, Edward slipped out of Peter and threw himself onto the couch, exhausted. Peter was leaning with both arms on the back of the couch now as Jasper slowly licked his cock completely clean. He released Peter's cock with an audible pop and smacked his lips, chuckling. "You are one loud mother fucker, you know that?"

"Well, Jesus. You try being worked from both ends." With a groan, Peter sat on the opposite end of the couch from Edward, watching as Jasper pushed up off the ground.

"Oh, nuh-uh. Get your ass up. You're going to stain my couch," Jasper grabbed Peter's arm and hauled him to his feet. "You too," Jasper grabbed Edward with his free hand and tugged him up.

Peter groaned. "I'm sleepy," he pretended to pout. "Where are we going?"

Jasper snickered at Peter's antics. "Where do you think we go with dirty boys? This is exactly why I insisted on getting the apartment with the big shower."

"I'm awake!" Peter said enthusiastically. He wrapped an arm around Jasper's waist, pulling the scruffy musician toward him for a thorough tongue kiss as they all but sprinted into Jasper's room. Jasper didn't let go of Edward's hand as they went.

As soon as they had all stumbled into Jasper's large, walk-in shower and he'd turned the water on, Edward pushed him roughly up against the tile wall and then dropped promptly to his knees. "Fuck!" Jasper hissed as Edward's mouth closed closed around his aching, rock hard cock. "Jesus - where the fuck is that innocent kid we met a few hours ago?"

Peter laughed, stepping up beside Edward to kiss Jasper once. "You complaining?"

"Shit. Hell, no. I'm just... oh fuck, like that," he encouraged Edward even as his hands pulled Peter toward him. "I'm just...fucking basking."

Peter took Jasper's earlobe in his mouth, biting down slightly before he growled, "Bask away." Then he proceeded to kiss and nip his way down Jasper's neck. Jasper had one hand tangled in Edward's hair, guiding his pace while the other ran up and down Peter's back.

When Peter got to Jasper's nipples he took first one, then the other in his mouth, licking and biting down and making Jasper make the most amazing little noises in the back of his throat. Then he continued his path down Jasper's body and joined Edward on his knees.

Peter guided Edward's head back as he leaned in, running his tongue along Jasper's cock. Getting the idea quickly, Edward imitated Peter's movements on the other side of Jasper's length. They worked Jasper together for a few seconds before meeting in the middle. Their lips met and their tongues ran along each other around Jasper's cock.

"Oh, mother of mercy. That is the hottest thing I've ever fucking seen," Jasper mewled.

Peter let Edward take over again, knowing Jasper was close. He worked his way up Jasper's body quickly this time. When Jasper finally, _finally_ came, his groans of ecstasy were muffled against Peter's mouth.

Spent, Jasper slumped against the cool tile, tugging on Edward's hair lightly to get him to stand up.

In between kisses and an easy camaraderie, the boys managed to get each other relatively clean. They turned off the shower and got out, still randomly and lazily coming together for kisses and the occasional smack to the ass. Still naked, they all fell into Jasper's bed, utterly spent.

Jasper curled up chest to chest with Peter - a position they were both intimately familiar with from prior association. This time, though, Jasper reached back and pulled Edward's arm around his waist. With a smile, Edward pressed his chest against Jasper's back, conforming himself along the other man's shape. Peter gave Edward's hair a playful ruffle before his eyes fluttered closed.

As he drifted off to sleep, Edward felt that maybe, just maybe, he might have found a place of his own. Somewhere he belonged. Somewhere that felt right.

**A/N: So, this is what happened. On twitter, my avi is fuckhawt 100 Monkeys Jackson. And VampTheNewBlack's AVI is fuckhawt dapper Jackson. And then dannie7786 came along with fuckhawt little lost boy Jackson...and one thing lead to another...and little lost boy Jackson became Edward, and Dapper Jackson became Ryan Reynolds became Peter and then...this happened.**

**So, if you liked this, you can thank them...and Jackson Rathbone for being entirely too fucking hot no matter what he looks like. And if you hated it you can also grr face at them.**

**And omg I'm working very hard to get the ban against gay marriage repealed so I can marry JadedAndBoring...not because she's gay, but because she's a woman and I'm a woman and...yeah, you get the picture. I love her.**

**PSA: Please to be having the "I'm clean, you're clean" conversation before fucking random people you do not know. We are going to assume that this conversation took place in the car on the way home for the purposes of this story. Additionally - condoms are your friend. I'm just sayin'.**

**But do me a favor and leave me a review? I am SO far out of my element here I don't even know who I am anymore. Fucking Jackson ... this side of my first 100 Monkeys concert I was a pure canon girl... sigh.**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I own the dirty mind. Jackson Rathbone owns those oddly fuckhawt glasses.

The sun was still lazily clinging to the land when Edward Cullen stepped out on the balcony of the apartment he'd spent the night in. He was dressed in the hoodie and jeans he'd discarded so quickly last night.

He was trying hard to wrap his head around everything that had happened. His parents had raised him to be open minded and accepting of people. However, being open minded and going home with two strange guys were two very different things.

He didn't regret it; far from it. No matter what happened, the night previous would remain one of the best nights of his life. It was just a little disconcerting. He'd done things he'd never really thought of doing before. That had been the point of what he was doing – hitchhiking his way around the United States – to do things he never would have thought of, to challenge the life he had just accepted before.

He had been traveling for five months now and nothing had ever felt… fulfilling was the wrong word. He had been oddly comfortable. Nervous, yes, but also curiously…at home.

Edward had always been the type of person who was intrigued by mysteries. People rarely presented him with a good mystery. In general, most were easy to figure out. Once you figured out what was driving a person, they typically became predictable.

Jasper and his friend had intrigued Edward. It wasn't so much that either of them were so horribly unpredictable. No, what intrigued him was the person they had brought out of  _him._  It was something he wanted to explore; to figure out what, if anything, it meant, and if it answered any of the questions that had been running through his mind since he had abandoned the life his parents had set out for him.

However, he had no idea if he was welcome or not. Both of these men had their own lives and Edward had no idea whether or not they would welcome any sort of intrusion.

Edward's meandering thoughts were interrupted when the door to the balcony opened. Jasper stepped out, his long hair flowing freely around him in the gentle breeze of the early morning. He was wearing glasses – simple thin black rims – that made him look a different kind of attractive than he'd looked last night; smart and bohemian. He grinned at Edward as he closed the door behind him and the younger man's breath caught in his throat. He nodded in greeting.

"Morning, darl," Jasper greeted easily.

"Hey," Edward returned in a soft voice.

Jasper's eyebrow arched as he stepped over to the railing and leaned on it a few feet away from Edward. "Oh, the shy boy is back," he said, clearly bemused. He produced a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of the long jacket he wore. "Having regrets?" he asked, feigning nonchalance as he lit his cigarette.

"No," Edward responded quickly. He tried to put words to his thoughts. "It's just… new. That's all. It's … a lot to process."

Chuffing lightly, Jasper nodded. "Yeah. Well, if it makes you feel any better, that whole…thing. That was new for me too."

Edward's head snapped to the side, staring at Jasper with wide eyes. "What?"

Jasper's answering smile was small, almost sheepish. "I've never had…two at once. I've never done that," he admitted.

"Really? Jesus, you'd never have guessed." Edward shook his head, looking back out. He remembered Jasper commanding Peter's actions and felt himself get hard at the mere thought of it.

"I'm fairly vanilla, truth be told," Jasper continued in a lazy murmur. "I mean, you know – being in a band and all, it's not difficult to get a quickie blow job, but I really only mess around with Peter."

They were silent for a minute or so as Edward processed this information. What did that mean for him? Hesitantly, he spoke again, trying to sound as if he was just making conversation. "What's the deal with you and him anyway? I kind of thought I was intruding on something."

Jasper turned away to look out at the horizon, but not before Edward caught a brief flash of hurt in his eyes. "Nothing," Jasper answered, not looking at Edward. "Friends with benefits, I suppose. He works in Austin so I don't see him all the time. He comes down here on the weekends to unwind." He took a drag of his cigarette and shrugged.

They were silent then, Edward turning over all these pieces of information in his head and trying to figure out what it all meant. He watched the other man out of the corner of his eye. Jasper seemed lost in his own thoughts, watching the ashes from his cigarette float out into the wind. He absentmindedly pushed his glasses back up his nose. Edward was caught up for a moment by the intense desire to catch a stray strand of Jasper's hair and tuck it back behind his ear. He stepped forward.

Just then the door to the balcony opened again and Peter stepped out. He grinned at Edward but strode over to Jasper, pulling him backward into his embrace. "Good morning," he said, stroking the same strand of Jasper's hair that Edward had been staring at back so he could kiss his forehead. Peter looked up at Edward. "Morning," he greeted.

"Morning," Edward mumbled. Though he worried about it, he didn't feel uncomfortable watching Peter and Jasper together. He felt turned on, certainly, but more than anything he felt an odd stirring of envy. What, exactly, he was envious of he wasn't sure.

Peter stretched his right arm out along Jasper's, wrapping his left arm around the blond man's waist. He plucked Jasper's cigarette in between two fingers. "I thought you were going to quit this shit," Peter said against his ear.

Jasper sighed but didn't protest as Peter put the cigarette out on the ashtray that rested on the balcony. "It's one a day, Peter," he defended halfheartedly.

"Hmm," Peter rumbled, running his nose long Jasper's jaw. With his now free right hand he reached around, tilting Jasper's head up and toward him. Peter kissed him softly, his tongue almost lazy as it pushed passed Jasper's lips. "You see," he said when they parted, "that tasted nasty."

Peter stepped away from Jasper and stretched languidly. "Go brush your fucking teeth. The kid and I will see about breakfast."

Edward's eyebrow arched though he would have been lying if he hadn't admitted to being happy to be included in their morning routine. "You think I can cook?"

Peter smirked. "Come on, genius. I'm sure we can find something in here that you won't screw up." Peter held the door open, beckoning at them both.

Rolling his eyes, Edward followed Jasper inside. He was actually a fairly decent cook, but he wasn't about to brag about it. Some things were best demonstrated. Jasper wandered in the direction of his bathroom and, presumably, his toothbrush while Peter and Edward went toward the kitchen.

"Sleep well?" Peter inquired as he went over to the fridge and peered inside.

"Yes," Edward answered. "Surprisingly well, actually."

Peter made an exasperated sound as he poked around in the fridge. "This fucker has no good food." He pulled the door open wide and waved at the contents. "Do you see this? It's a wonder he hasn't poisoned himself."

Edward peered into the fridge to see a bunch of left over containers and some very rotten looking vegetables peeking out from the crisper. He wrinkled his nose. "Well, tell you what. I saw a store just down the street. I'll go pick up a few things. What were you thinking of making?"

Picking up a carton of eggs, Peter frowned at the expiration date he found there. "Omelets with ridiculous amounts of cheese. If we use the cheese in here we'll be dead tomorrow. I'm going more for heart attack in our late forties kind of cheese."

"I think I can handle that," Edward said, his lips pursed in amusement.

"Here," Peter said as he fished his car keys out of his pocket. "Take my car."

"You don't have to do that," Edward protested. "It's right down the street."

With a sly grin Peter suddenly reached out and grabbed Edward by his ass, pulling the younger man flush against his body. "That's what I thought, you're going commando," he murmured, his lips so close to Edward's skin that he could smell the minty scent of the toothpaste and even a hint of Jasper's cigarette. "If you walk to the store in your jeans, you'll chafe and then we can't have any more fun."

Trying to calm his staccato breaths, Edward swallowed several times before he trusted himself to speak. "I could always put my underwear on."

Peter leaned in. "Now where's the fun in that?" Without another word he claimed Edward's lips, his kiss aggressive as the first one had been and unlike their first kiss, Edward didn't hesitate. He let his mouth open and his tongue met Peter's as his hands slid up to his neck and into his hair. Peter's hands kneaded his ass.

_Speaking of chaffing._

With a chuckle, Peter kissed Edward one last time and stepped away. He reached out and took the bronze haired man's hand and tugged it toward him. Edward felt a set of keys pressed into his palm but his eyes were locked with Peter's. "I'm hungry," Peter said lowly as he closed Edward's fingers around the keys. He took another step back, breaking the lusty spell that had come over the two of them.

Edward licked his lips, a little shell shocked. He shook off the feeling, trying to make his mind work coherently again. He nodded absently and turned toward the front door.

When he was downstairs, the winter air cooling his heated skin, he could think a little clearer. As he drove to the store and collected a variety of cheeses, eggs, oranges, cantaloupes, milk, and orange juice – he had the desire to be thorough – Edward tried to figure out what it was that he wanted.

At that moment, his mind was about as helpful as a sixteen year old boy's. All he could think about was sex. He thought about Jasper and Peter and things he didn't know he wanted to try until he'd stepped into that bar last night. He had an embarrassing amount of questions he wanted to ask. Was the whole anal sex thing just like a girl being a virgin; maybe it hurt the first few times but then it got good –  _really_ good if the noises Peter had been making were any indication. Peter wasn't circumcised like he and Jasper were. Was there anything he should do or shouldn't do?

Did they even want to let him touch them again? Did they want to be with him?

By that time Edward had pulled into the parking spot at Jasper's apartment. He let out a frustrated growl and banged his head against the steering wheel a few times. His curiosity didn't outweigh the fact that he hated feeling so out of his depth. All of his life he'd been sure of himself, of what he wanted and of what his future held. Until he'd started questioning  _everything_.

He was more than a little sick of feeling so damn lost.

A little disgruntled with himself, Edward gathered up the groceries he'd purchased and headed upstairs. He was about to knock but tried the door knob instead, happy when he found the door was open. He opened the door, stepped into the foyer and froze.

Jasper was standing against the opposite wall, his head thrown back and his hair in dark, wet ringlets around his face. He was still wearing his glasses, though his eyes were closed behind them. He also wore a robe that was open, showing off his chest. In front of Jasper, kneeling, was Peter. His back was, of course, to Edward as his head bobbed up and down on Jasper's cock. Jasper's hands tangled in Peter's hair as he murmured something Edward couldn't hear.

Edward was uncertain what to do in this situation. His mother had always raised him to be a gentleman, but just what was the protocol here? It was this side of twelve hours ago it had been  _his_ lips around Jasper's cock.

However turned on he was by the display, politeness won out and he was about to back out into the hallway when Jasper's breathy voice stopped him. "You just got here and you're already leaving?"

Well, fuck if that wasn't an invitation, Edward didn't know what was. He stepped all the way back into the apartment, closing the door behind him and quickly ditching the groceries on the counter. Jasper reached out a hand, beckoning him and Edward didn't hesitate. As soon as he was within reach Jasper had grabbed the fabric of his hoodie and pulled him in for a kiss. Edward's hands went to Jasper's neck, pulling him closer as he tried to keep his lower body out of Peter's way.

Jasper's hungry lips never leaving Edward's, he somehow maneuvered the younger man so he was leaning against the wall beside him. Without messing up the tempo he was working Jasper's cock to, Peter reached over and pulled the zipper of Edward's jeans down. Edward gave a startled half yelp, half moan into Jasper's mouth as Peter's hand pulled his cock out and he began stroking. At the same time, Jasper had unzipped Edward's hoodie. The singer scratched his fingers down the center of Edward's chest lightly, causing a whole new set of pleasurable sensations.

With a groan, Jasper pulled away from Edward's lips, throwing his head back against the wall. "Fuck," he muttered, the word long and drawn out as Peter's mouth worked him and Edward's fingers found a wonderfully sensitive spot beneath his ear. "Peter. Fuck."

Jasper had one hand splayed against Edward's chest and the other gripping Peter's hair as he came.

When Jasper was spent and Peter had made sure he had licked up and swallowed every drop, the clean cut man shifted turning his attention to Edward. He wasted no time in shoving Edward's jeans down further so he had more access to him. Peter's lips and tongue working his cock, and his fingers rubbing over his balls at a quick pace combined with the contrast of Jasper's lazy fingers in his hair and slow kisses on his mouth brought Edward to orgasm quickly.

Peter stood, looking smug as he watched Edward pant against the wall. "So. I'm hungry."

Jasper snickered. "Bitch, you just ate."

With a low groan, Peter wrapped his arm around Jasper and pulled him close. He bit down lightly on the other man's jaw. "Well, I'm still hungry," he rumbled, nipping at his upper lip. "You ready for me right now?"

Jasper took a moment to steady his breathing before he leaned in for a lingering, heated kiss. "Sustenance first, then we'll talk," he murmured, pushing Peter away playfully.

Peter smirked. "That's what I thought."

The trio made breakfast together, the camaraderie they'd found after their shower last night still present as they chatted.

As they all tucked into their omelets, Jasper finally brought up a question that had been weighing on him since earlier that morning when he'd stepped out onto the balcony.

"So, do you have a time line of how long you stay in one place?" he asked, wishing he felt as blase as he sounded.

Edward shrugged, pushing the remains of his food around on his plate. "Not really. I mean, the point of this is to go with what feels right or at least, what feels different." He paused and then laughed nervously, running his hand through his hair. "I was thinking maybe that I wanted to stick around here for a while." He shrugged. "Maybe you can tell me of a good hotel in the area or something."

Jasper opened his mouth to protest, but then he felt Peter's hand on his thigh and he was quickly distracted.

The rest of Saturday passed in a blur of sex and intervals of levity. They lounged and watched TV. They ate dinner over a discussion about the appeal of Austin versus Chicago.

As they were drifting off to sleep that night, all three of them naked and pressed against each other again, Jasper quietly called Edward's name.

"Yeah?" Edward answered in a sleepy whisper.

"You know, you could stay here if you wanted. You don't have to go to a hotel," Jasper mumbled.

There was a silence and Jasper thought that maybe Edward had fallen asleep. Finally though, Edward responded. "I would like that."

The next morning Peter was oddly quiet. He was a little more clingy than he had been with Jasper the day before. He took him over the arm of the couch as Edward watched and again over the kitchen table after they'd cleared their breakfast away.

Morning became afternoon and the trio found themselves in Jasper's bedroom. Jasper had declared that it was his turn to watch and was sitting on the bed as Peter and Edward made out voraciously.

Peter's lips on him were almost bruising as he pinned Edward against the wall. His hand moved to Edward's groin, rubbing his hard on through the younger man's jeans with the palm of his hand. Edward moaned at the stimulation.

With a swiftness that made Edward's head spin, Peter had grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around. Edward gasped as he was suddenly face first against the wall with Peter's hips grinding hard against his ass. He reached his hands back but Peter caught them, lifting Edward's arms high above his head and pinning them against the wall. Peter's lips were aggressive as they came to Edward's neck. His once gentle nips were becoming bites.

"Peter," Edward said, but it came out as hardly more than a whisper. His heart was speeding and a nervousness that was tinged with fear instead of anticipation was beginning to creep over him. He'd never been this out of control before. He'd never come close to being dominated like this. He winced as Peter's teeth bit into the skin of his shoulder hard enough to leave a mark.

Keeping Edward's right hand pinned above his head, Peter let his left hand drift to Edward's jeans, working around front to open the button. As he did this he continued to gyrate his hips against Edward's as roughly. "I can't wait to be inside you," he whispered, his lips to Edward's ear. Edward gave a strangled sounding moan, the words simultaneously exciting him and making him extremely uncomfortable.

"Peter," he said again, a little louder. "I don't-"

His words cut off as Peter yanked his jeans down in one rough motion. Peter grabbed his ass, squeezing hard enough to make Edward give a startled cry. "Yeah, you like that? You dirty boy."

Edward grimaced, a sense of dread beginning to crawl up his spine. This was not the same Peter that he had come to know over the course of the weekend. Yeah, Peter was more aggressive. He obviously liked things a little rough, but his tone was usually more playful than anything else. His voice now sounded harsh. Grating. Demanding. But he was confused. His dick was still hard and some of it felt good and everything this weekend had been so new. He thought, for a minute, that maybe he was over reacting. It was just the fear of the unknown. He should relax and let it happen. Edward shut his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down.

As Peter's finger began to probe at his asshole Edward knew without a doubt he wasn't ready for this. He didn't want it. Not like this. Peter as being too rough and he wasn't cluing in to the reluctant sound of Edward's voice or the fact that the younger man was trying to push Peter back with his free hand. "I don't-" he tried again, but his voice was barely there. He was torn because he didn't know how to ask Peter to stop. Even more frightening was the prospect that he didn't know, at that point, if Peter  _would_ stop. The hand that Peter held pinned above their heads was in a fist and Edward tugged a little frantically. Unconsciously, Peter gripped tighter, not registering that Edward was actually struggling, not writhing in pleasure.

"Hey!" Jasper's voice suddenly cut into the bubble between the two of them. He reached out, yanking Peter backward, away from Edward, by his shoulder.

"Jasper, what the fuck?" Peter yelled, irritated.

Jasper quickly stepped between Peter and Edward. "What the fuck is a matter with you? Can't you see he doesn't like what you're doing?"

Confused and angry, Peter looked over at Edward. His eyes went wide instantly when he saw that Edward had pulled his pants back on and was staring at the ground, his arms crossed defensively over his bare chest. His shoulders were hunched and even though he wasn't looking up, Peter could see that all the blood had drained from his face leaving his skin a sickly looking pale. "Oh, Christ. Edward, I didn't-" he started to take a step forward but was cut off when Jasper stepped in his path.

"You need to take a walk, Peter," Jasper commanded, grabbing Peter's arm firmly, though not tightly, and leading him to the door of the room.

"Jazz-"

"Just take a walk," Jasper said again, leaving no room for argument. "Give us a few minutes."

For a moment Peter glared at Jasper, a thousand different retorts on the tip of his tongue. But he could see that the normally easy going musician was gone. Jasper was angry at him and in no mood to be argued with. Peter threw up his hands. "Fine," he muttered. He turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The loud sound made Edward jump just a little, as did the second slam of the door to the apartment a few seconds later.

When Jasper turned back to Edward his face was gentle. "Hey, are you alright?" he asked soothingly, crossing the room to stand in front of him.

Edward nodded quickly. "Yeah. I'm sorry. It was just too fast and too rough. I didn't-" Edward took a deep breath, trying to calm his frazzled nerves. "I didn't know he was going to... I mean, I don't-," Edward let out a soft growl, frustrated with himself and the residual fear that still coursed through him.

"Hey," Jasper said gently. When Edward didn't answer or look up Jasper cupped his cheek with one hand, stroking the bronze haired man's skin with the pad of his thumb. "Look at me," he requested.

Letting Jasper's tender ministrations ease him, Edward looked up. Jasper's eyes were soft and the last of Edward's trepidation began to fade as he stared into the quiet, aqua depths. "Don't apologize. The only one who should apologize here is Peter. He shouldn't have been pushing you like that."

Edward let out a shaky breath. "I'm just...not ready. You know?" he brought his hand up to cover Jasper's on his cheek, willing him with his eyes to understand.

"I know," Jasper assured him, bringing his other hand up and around Edward's neck, running his fingers through the soft, thick hair he found there. "It's fine, okay? Totally fine. And I am sorry about Peter. He's not that guy. I swear he isn't. He just...must have gotten caught up in the moment."

Edward nodded quietly and twined his fingers with Jasper's on his cheek before bringing their joined hands down between them. The fingers of Jasper's free hand brushed a sensitive spot on Edward's neck and he hissed slightly at the sudden pain. Jasper furrowed his eyebrows, spotting the bite marks that Peter had left on Edward's skin. "Fuck. He really was being rough."

Feeling a little awkward, Edward shrugged. "It's not like I would really mind under normal circumstances," he murmured.

Jasper didn't say anything. He simply leaned down and placed a delicate, open mouthed kiss over the mark. He lifted his head and kissed his stubble covered chin before kissing his lips gently. Edward responded instantly, sighing and reveling in the feeling of soft kisses without any expectations.

It was only a few minutes later when they heard the front door open. A few seconds later, Peter knocked on the door quietly. "Can I come in, please?"

His tone was remorseful and absolutely the Peter that Edward had started to get to know. He nodded at Jasper's questioning expression, letting him know it was okay to let him back in.

Peter apologized profusely. "I really don't know what came over me. It wasn't right. I'm really, really sorry."

"It's okay," Edward said quietly.

"I wouldn't have ever hurt you on purpose," Peter continued.

Edward wasn't looking Peter in the eye when he responded. "I know that."

Peter sighed because he could tell that Edward wasn't being entirely truthful. Of course he didn't know for sure. He'd known Peter for all of 48 hours.

There wasn't much he could do about it now though. "I should get going anyway. I'll see you next weekend," he said, not trying to get close to Edward again. He felt a little better when the younger man offered him a small smile and told him to drive safely.

Jasper followed Peter out into the hallway. "You really scared him, you know that?" Jasper began as soon as the door was closed.

Peter sighed, chewing on the inside of his lip. "I know. I didn't mean it. I really didn't."

"I just don't get it, Peter," Jasper said imploringly. "You know this is all new to him. This isn't like you. If you had seen the look on your face, man." Jasper shook his head. "You looked a hell of a lot like James."

Peters head snapped up. "Come on, Jasper. You know that isn't fair."

Jasper held a hand up. "I didn't say you're like him. I know you aren't. Just...what were you thinking?"

With a groan, Peter slouched against the wall. He knew exactly what he'd been thinking. He knew that the clock was ticking and in just a little while he would have to walk out that door and leave Jasper behind. He hated it. Every weekend he came to The Cherry Pit and Jasper's world he dreaded knowing he would have to leave and return to his own world.

This time was different though. Peter knew that Jasper didn't really mess around with other guys. They had joked occasionally that he was particular, but he obviously had no problem messing around with Edward.

Edward with his gorgeous green eyes and perfectly sculpted features. With his soft, silky voice, hair that your fingers just couldn't get enough of and kissable, oh so fucking kissable, lips.

Suddenly, the thought that Edward would be here all week, those pouty lips doubtless wrapped around Jasper's sweet cock for part of the time, made Peter oddly angry. He hadn't known what to do with that anger, and he had tried to lose himself in the pleasure of Edward's lips and the nice sensations his fingers were creating as they ran over his body.

Instead, all the anger had poured into his actions and he'd wanted to be inside of Edward. He'd wanted to own him. It wasn't the same emotion that ran through him when he longed to be inside Jasper, not in the slightest. It wasn't even the same emotion as when he'd thought about being with Edward earlier that weekend. This raw need was tainted by anger and something else.

Something that felt suspiciously like jealousy.

"Peter," Jasper's voice cut into Peter's thoughts, reminding him that he hadn't given an answer.

Peter shook his head, trying to get a grip on himself. It wasn't jealousy, he decided. He couldn't be jealous because Jasper was a casual fuck. A release. A means to an end. He didn't want this whole life. He had known that from the get go. It was just something he did to unwind. Jasper was a good friend, and maybe he was a little possessive and a little envious that Edward got to stay and play while Peter went back to working at sixty hour work week. But that was all.

"I just over did it. I'm used to being able to take you any way I want. I just got caught up in the moment with him," Peter said finally. "It's not going to happen again," he promised. He reached out, tugging Jasper to him, looking into his eyes so he could see how serious he was. "Okay?"

Jasper searched his eyes and was apparently satisfied with what he saw there because he wrapped his arms around Peter. "Okay."

They kissed, their goodbye bittersweet as usual.

Then Peter walked downstairs to his car and Jasper walked back inside to Edward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And so it begins.
> 
> First, I want to say thank you to all the people who have been supportive about my foray into the wonderful world of slash. I hope I don't disappoint. I'm very excited about the things I have planned for this story.
> 
> Thanks and love to JadedandBoring for beta work and being all around fantastic.
> 
> Let me know how I'm doing, yes?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've read each and every one of your reviews. I'm SO sorry I've fallen behind on them. I promise to try to get caught up by this weekend.
> 
> Disclaimer: These beautiful creatures belong to Stephenie Meyer.

As soon as Jasper returned inside he leaned up against the door, pursing his lips as he regarded Edward on the couch. Edward stared back at him, a little self conscious.

The night before it had been easy to agree to stay here. If Edward was being completely honest with himself, it was exactly what he wanted. But after the excitement of the weekend, and the awkward parting with Peter, the little bubble he'd been living in since Jasper had slung his arm around Edward's shoulders in the bar on Friday had burst. Reality was catching up with him quickly. Three days ago he'd been a drifter. Now he was living, however temporarily, under another man's roof.

Edward's head spun and even though he didn't believe his father's voice in his head saying that he was making a mistake, that didn't change the fact that a lot had changed in a very short amount of time.

"I know what we need," Jasper said, breaking the silence. He smiled somewhat mischievously at Edward. "Come on. Let's spend some time out of this apartment. With our clothes on."

"Clothes on? Where's the fun in that?" Edward asked, pretending to pout. Secretly, he was relieved. Jasper was so very attractive, and it was easy to let sex cloud everything, but Edward knew he needed to get his head on straight.

They went to change in separate rooms so as not to test their self control. It was only about twenty minutes later that they were seated at a restaurant staring at menus.

After they placed their order, Jasper rested his chin on his hand, watching Edward with amused curiosity as the other man stirred Sweet-N-Low into his already sweet tea. Edward stirred long after the sweetener had been absorbed. Jasper watched with particular interest as Edward's lips puckered, wrapping around the straw as he drank distractedly.

Then he scrunched up his face, pushing the glass slightly away from him. "Ugh," he muttered, smacking his lips.

Jasper laughed lightly. "You're a million miles away," he observed. He placed his untouched glass of sweet tea in front of Edward and took the over-sweetened glass for himself. "You know, I'm a good listener...and if you want to ask anything, there's not a lot I won't talk about."

Edward was quiet for a moment as he put together his thoughts. "I was thinking about Peter, actually," he said finally.

Careful to keep his face devoid of any emotion, Jasper nodded at his friend. "Were you thinking about before? Listen, Edward, Peter really isn't-"

"You don't have to make excuses for him," Edward interrupted. "I told you, I know that he wasn't trying to hurt me or anything like that. I was just thinking that it didn't happen just because he got carried away. I think he was jealous and he didn't know how to deal with it," Edward said bluntly.

"Jealous?" Jasper echoed. Even to his own ears he could tell his voice was defensive. "That's ridiculous. Of what?"

"Please don't think that I don't like Peter. I do. Very much," Edward prefaced. "I just... I have a habit of dissecting people. I'm trying to figure him out, that's all. We all have our good and bad traits, you know?"

Assuaged, Jasper gestured for Edward to continue.

"I think Peter is selfish. Not necessarily in a bad way," Edward said quickly, sensing Jasper was about to interrupt him. "He was just very possessive of you today." He offered Jasper a small smile. "I don't think he's used to sharing. I think he just didn't know how to deal with that feeling."

Jasper stared out the window, considering this. "Can I ask you a personal question?" Edward cut into his thoughts. Jasper turned back toward him and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Do you want something... more with Peter?"

"Are you fishing?" Jasper asked, deflecting more than anything.

Edward gave a short, somewhat wry laugh. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just …. You know, people aren't all that difficult to read in most situations. You and he have an interesting simpatico. It's fascinating to watch. And then you tell me you really don't mess around with other people. So, I guess I want to know how I fit into all of this."

Since he was still facing the window Edward could only see Jasper's small smile in profile."You're not very good with this whole going with the flow thing, are you?" Jasper asked, still not answering the question.

"I suppose I'm not used to it," Edward admitted.

"But you're not running from it," Jasper muttered more to himself than anything.

He took a deep breath and then turned his head back forward though his eyes remained on the table in front of them. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it. Peter is a great guy. He can be so tender and thoughtful," he said wistfully.

Then his smile tightened just perceptibly. "But I'm not stupid enough not to see how badly he could burn me. You're right about him in a way. He is... Selfish is a strong word, but it applies I suppose. He is single minded about what he wants out of life and he made up his mind a long time ago about how he was going to get there."

"That picture doesn't include you," Edward concluded. "You won't fight for him?"

Jasper chuffed and looked up. He was still smiling but Edward could see the sadness in his eyes. "Nothing to fight for," he said finally. "A man like Peter who doesn't know how to...admit to himself what he wants. Well, I've been down that road before. I really don't care to do it again."

For a long minute, neither man spoke. Their tense little bubble was interrupted when the waiter set down their orders. Jasper picked listlessly at his vegetables before he smoothed the lines that had begun to trace his face. "As for you, I honestly don't know what to tell you," Jasper admitted. "I saw you and I wanted to talk to you."

A smile played at Edward's lips. "You wanted to  _talk_ to me?" he asked in a teasing tone.

Jasper rolled his eyes and leaned one elbow at the table. "You have a face that would make the vainest of Greek gods admit their ugliness. What do you think I wanted to do the minute I laid eyes on you?"

Edward leaned forward on the table, meeting Jasper half way for a soft, very chaste but lingering kiss. His tongue barely peeked out, running over Jasper's closed lips once before he pulled back and returned to his meal.

They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes before Edward opened his mouth again. "I don't know what any of this means for me."

Shrugging, Jasper chanced a glance up to read Edward's face. He kept his own face carefully neutral. "It doesn't have to mean anything. Just good times between friends. Pleasure. Intimacy. An orgasm or...many. Why not, you know?"

Edward scoffed lightly. "I doubt other people would think it means nothing."

"You mean straight people," the other man guessed. His voice was not judgmental.

"I don't know what I mean," Edward said in an uncharacteristically small voice. "I don't really even know what I want."

Jasper didn't respond at first, he only laid is hand on the table, palm up. The younger man hesitated for a moment but then put his hand in Jasper's. "Here's the way I see it. And I'm not saying that I'm right. That's for you to know for yourself, but here's my two cents anyway," Jasper began.

"You know, it doesn't matter what you do in life, there will always be people who don't agree with your path. I mean, society tells us from a young age the 'normal' way to live your life, and because, when you're a kid, you don't question obeying your parent's orders, you don't question that people at large know what you're  _supposed_  to do.

"I'm not even talking about just sexuality here. When I was in high school I went through a really rough time. It had nothing to do with smarts and everything to do with circumstance that I didn't graduate when I was supposed to. You can't imagine the...wrongness I felt, because I didn't complete high school when my friends did. And then, the wrongness I felt because I was a high school drop out, and because I didn't go to college. I spent years of my life just thinking I was doing it  _wrong."_ Jasper frowned slightly and Edward squeezed his hand in sympathy, bringing him back to the present.

Jasper began to run his fingers along the underside of Edward's wrists where their hands were joined. He let the frown ease and smiled again. "Then, not all that long ago, I realized I had a fulfilling life," he continued. "I make music, which is a passion for me. I teach people how to defend themselves - give them a sense of security. That's important, you know? And no less valid a choice than all those people who went to school for years for degrees. Hell, I'm happier than a lot of them out there.

"You see it all the time. People will tell you you're wrong if you don't want to get married, if you don't want to have kids...when it's okay to have a drink, when it's okay to wear a hat. Whatever. You get what I'm saying. The truth of the matter is that nobody knows what's 'right' for another person's life, and there's no wrong answer." He paused for a moment and then grinned outright. "Well...I mean, unless what's right for you is hacking up other people. You know, at the risk of telling you what to do with your life, I think that's definitely something you shouldn't be doing."

Edward laughed then and with one final squeeze he withdrew his hand. Despite the brief moment of levity, his face remained pensive. "You don't have to figure it out right now, Edward," he said gently. "You have time. You have no responsibilities." Jasper didn't miss the slight wince Edward made at that but decided not to press him on it for the time being. "Don't think that far ahead. Just tell me what you want right now."

One side of Edward's mouth lifted in a grin. "Right this very moment?" At Jasper's nod, Edward continued. "I want to finish this meal - this first meal I've had out in months with a ... friend. Then I want to go back to your place and relax. Maybe we can watch a movie or something, I don't know. Beyond that - I don't really have a plan." He looked into Jasper's eyes and smiled. "But you know something? It's more of a plan than I had three days ago."

.

"So, how do you want this thing to work?"

As Edward had requested, they had taken it easy for the remainder of the evening. Jasper had been the perfect gentleman and hadn't tried to do much more than offer Edward a quick peck every now and again. Other than that he'd given Edward all the space he needed all night long. Now, however, it was nighttime and Jasper's apartment had not magically grown two rooms.

"You're welcome to share the bed, but if that's not comfortable, I can sleep on the couch. Or you can sleep on the couch."

The look on Edward's face was a mixture of incredulity and dismay. Jasper laughed quietly. "No expectations Edward. That's the beauty of this kind of relationship. No pressure at all," he reassured.

Edward smiled, a little shy in spite of himself. A large part of him wanted to look at Jasper with his signature cocky grin and spout some sexy line that would make the singer instantly hard, but he was still trying to sort things out in his own head. "We can share the bed if it's no trouble."

"No trouble," Jasper confirmed, glad that Edward trusted him.

Edward had awoke the next morning feeling particularly grateful. As he had promised, Jasper stayed on his side of the bed.

In the early morning sunlight Jasper was almost angelic in his peaceful features. His lips were pursed as his chest rose and fell rhythmically with his breaths. Unable to help himself, Edward reached out and ran his fingers lightly through Jasper's hair, careful not to rouse him.

He liked this; waking up like this. He wasn't sure if it was the company or the novelty of the situation, but either way, he felt comfortable here. Like he was a part of something. After ruminating about what Jasper had said in the restaurant, Edward had come to the conclusion that he didn't need to define anything just yet. Jasper had assrued him more than once that he had only himself to answer to.

Jasper was being so incredibly understanding and patient. Edward suddenly felt the urge to do something to show his appreciation. Somewhat reluctantly, he got out of bed as quietly as he could and tiptoed to the kitchen.

Edward was more than a little surprised to find the content of the refrigerator looked entirely different from what he had seen on Saturday. He had been planning to clean it out and stock it with groceries before making Jasper a nice breakfast, but it appeard Peter had already beat him to the punch. The refrigerator was pristine; each shelf now lined with various foodstuffs.

Well, that made breakfast all the easier then.

Twenty minutes later he was entered Jasper's room again with a glass of orange juice. A bowl of mixed fruits was waiting in the fridge and a breakfast burrito that would put Carl's Jr. to shame was in the microwave keeping warm until Jasper woke.

Carefully, Edward climbed back onto the bed and leaned over Jasper's sleeping form to set the orange juice on the nightstand. Just as he was about to back up again he felt something tug at the t-shirt he wore. He looked down to find Jasper's sleepy, aquamarine eyes blinking at him as he yawned. "This is a good dream," Jasper mumbled, still half asleep.

Edward chuckled. "You're awake," he assured the slightly older man. He started to get up but Jasper tightened the hold he had on his shirt.

"You're tempting me, Cullen," Jasper said, his voice throaty with a mixture of sleep and desire.

"Is that right?" Edward asked with a sly smirk. The trepidation from the previous day had faded for the moment and he was in a playful mood.

Jasper's eyebrows shot up in amusement. He twisted Edward's shirt in his fist until the fabric was taut against the muscles of his arms and back. "Get down here," he commanded.

"Your wish," he murmured. Keeping himself propped up on both arms, Edward lowered his face down to Jasper's, kissing his lips lightly, teasingly at first. Having none of that, Jasper released his hold on Edward's shirt and instead threaded his fingers through his fantastic bed head. As his fingers ran through the longish tendrils, he kept Edward from moving too far away while his tongue ran along the younger man's bottom lip. Obligingly, Edward opened his mouth, letting Jasper's tongue draw his own out.

Their kiss lasted until Edward couldn't hold himself up any longer. He laid on his side next to Jasper, his hands stroking the singer's neck as their lips found each other again. Jasper's hands moved slowly down Edward's body until he was circling his belly button with the pads of his fingers. He felt Edward's body shudder and was encouraged by his reaction.

Running his fingers in every increasing circles, Jasper let his hands wander lower. His hand brushed experimentally over Edward's length through the sweatpants he wore. Edward's lips detached from his with a gasp and a low moan, his hips automatically thrusting a bit against Jasper's hand.

Jasper watched, enraptured as Edward's hooded eyes raised to meet his. He kept eye contact as his hands moved to Edward's waist and tugged at the elastic band. With his eyes full of trust, Edward raised his body slightly so Jasper could work his pants down.

As he kicked the sweats the rest of the way off, Edward mimicked Jasper's previous move, slipping the older man's sweats down and off with his help. When they were both nude from the bottom down, Jasper leaned in again, capturing Edward's lower lip between his teeth. He bit down enough to excite but not to hurt and let his hands rub the younger man's inner thigh, occasionally brushing his hard cock with the backs of his knuckles. Edward, in turn, ran the pad of a single finger around the head of Jasper's cock, tracing a pattern around the tip and along the underside.

Whimpering quietly, Jasper shifted so he was pressing more of himself against Eward as they kissed. He moved one hand to the base of Edward's shaft and began to stroke while the other hand cupped and worked over his balls.

Working in this way - Edward exploring Jasper's length and his balls one stroke, one finger at a time, and Jasper touching and tugging at as much of Edward as he could get his hands on and around - their pleasure built simultaneously. They traded dominance. Jasper leaned into Edward, his lips assertive and passionate, then Edward would press Jasper back, nipping at the skin of his neck and biting lightly on his ear. They didn't speak except in the guttural language of mutual rapture.

Edward came first, and Jasper followed only a minute or so later, their hard breaths the only sound in the room.

They laid quietly for a while, Jasper sprawled gracelessly over Edward's chest. Being mindful not to yank, Edward worked out the tangles in Jasper's hair with his long fingers. "You have somewhere to be today don't you?"

Jasper made a discontented noise in the back of this throat but didn't lift his head to answer. "I have a class at noon and another at three. Then I have practice for the band."

"Hmm," Edward murmured, trying to push back the irrational sense of disappointment.

"You can come watch, if you want. The classes or the practice. My bandmates are good people. You'd like them," Jasper offered.

"That would be a little weird, wouldn't it? 'Hey guys, here's Edward, a guy I picked up off the street'." He mimicked Jasper's soft Southern drawl with surprising accuracy.

Jasper chuckled. "Doesn't matter. They're easy going people. They're not going to ask you any awkward questions."

"Just the same, I think I'll keep to myself for a little while," Edward said quietly. "Thank you, though. It takes a certain kind of person to be as welcoming to a total stranger as you are."

Raising himself up on one arm, Jasper studied Edward's face, trying to gauge his mood. "It takes a certain kind of person to trust a total stranger the way you've trusted me," he pointed out.

Edward pursed his lips in thought. He had yet to figure out why it was that he had trusted Jasper so readily. It wasn't something he normally did. "Some things are the way they are, I suppose," he mused out loud.

Laughing lightly at that, Jasper pressed a tender kiss against the scruff on Edward's chin. Edward cupped his cheek and tilted his head up from where he was laying back on the pillow. He kissed Jasper once gently before he lay back again.

"Do you have a little time before you have to get ready?" Edward asked.

Jasper's eyebrows scrunched in curious amusement. "What did you have in mind?"

"Easy cowboy," Edward teased. "Nothing too exciting. I just made you breakfast, if you're hungry."

"Best wake up call I can imagine and now you have breakfast waiting for me? You know, Cullen, Monday mornings are supposed suck," Jasper quipped.

Edward sat up, forcing Jasper to sit up with him. Once they were upright, Edward leaned in, making his voice seductive. "Maybe next Monday," he growled and kissed Jasper's shocked lips quickly before he hopped out of bed. He had pulled his pants on and up and was halfway to the kitchen before Jasper restarted his brain.

He caught up quickly, wrapping his arm around Edward's waist and pulling him against his body while simultaneously pinning him back against the wall. His mouth attacked Edward's, kissing him hard as he pressed his body against him. He was careful to breathe through his nose so that when he broke their kiss, Jasper was breathing normally while Edward was pulling in deep, ragged gasps.

Laughing, Jasper pressed tiny kisses along Edward's jaw line, making a path up to his ear. "Don't start a battle when you can't win the war, Edward," he said sweetly. He kissed the other man's forehead once before sauntering the rest of the way into the kitchen.

.

It was Wednesday, just before Jasper's afternoon class came in that his phone rang. He glanced down and almost dropped it when he saw the name on the screen.

Peter.

Peter never called. He showed up on the Fridays when he wanted to and was gone just as quickly by Sunday. He and Jasper had only exchanged numbers because it felt rude not to.

Uncertain, Jasper pressed the accept button. "Hello?"

"Jasper, hey," Peter said, and Jasper could hear the nervousness in his voice.

Despite his curiosity, Jasper smiled when he heard the other man's voice. "Hey darl. What's going on?"

"Not much. How's the kid, he still there?" Peter's voice was nonchalant but it was a strange question. Jasper couldn't help but remember Edward's assertions that Peter was jealous.

"You called me to ask how Edward is?" Jasper hedged, purposefully not answering directly.

Peter sighed. "I just...I guess I missed having you to myself. The kid is great. He is. But it's been a little while for us."

It was uncharacteristic for Peter to babble. "What are you trying to say?" Jasper asked carefully.

Another sigh. "I don't have a lot of time, I've got a meeting to be at in a few minutes but I was just wondering…"

Jasper waited while Peter struggled.

"Do you think, maybe you can meet me down here tomorrow? I can take a little time off work and maybe we can mess around," Peter finally blurted.

Again, Jasper had to struggle not to drop the phone. "Uh," he said brilliantly.

"If you're busy it's okay," Peter said quickly.

"No!" Jasper said, a little louder and more eager than he'd intended. He laughed wryly at himself.  _Don't be such a g'damned school boy. It's just Peter._ "You just surprised me, that's all."

"Well, we've been messing around for over a year now, you know. It's about time you see my apartment," Peter replied, chuckling nervously.

"Yeah. I can come down," Jasper said, trying not to sound as eager as he felt.

"Great," Peter said, sounding relieved, if a little awkward. He gave Jasper the time and address information and hung up quickly, needing to get to his meeting.

So many changes, Jasper mused later that night. He wondered what it all meant, if it meant anything.

And he wondered why he felt like he shouldn't, or couldn't, tell Edward about Peter's phone call and invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That was interesting. First hand job...let alone double hand job.
> 
> I'm popping so many cherries I could be an ice cream sundae.
> 
> Thanks to JadedandBoring for betawork. MWAH. I love you.
> 
> Press the button. Do eet. Maybe let me know how you want Jasper to take Edward's Virgin Ass. Bwah. PS - I've decided to call all you people who like this story OFFers. It amuses me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer made them, I'm just playing with them. Jackson owns that ridiculously hot top tail. Jeebus.

Jasper Whitlock was stupidly nervous.

He was sitting in his car around the block from Peter's house, more than a little annoyed with himself. His annoyance had started that morning as he stared into his closet, trying to decide what to wear. When he consciously realized what he was doing he had forced himself to do what he always did - he stuck his hands in his closet and pulled out a shirt at random.

He did allow himself to not feel ridiculous about grabbing a clean pair of jeans though. It had been a while since laundry day...

He'd driven the forty minutes to Austin vacillating between being excited and being extremely nervous.

_It's just Peter._

Peter, who he'd had in every way imaginable. Outside the club, in the car, in the woods, skinny dipping at the river, on every surface of his apartment.

Peter who had never, ever invited him anywhere near his  _other_ life.

Jasper realized he was combing his fingers through his hair and growled at himself, frustrated. Reasoning that Peter had seen him in all sorts of disheveled states - truth be told, Peter had  _put_ him in all sorts of disheveled states - Jasper swung his car back out onto the street and drove around the corner to the address on the piece of paper he had on his passenger seat.

Giving himself one final check in the mirror, and growling warningly at his nerves, Jasper got out of the car. He looked around the neighborhood as he walked up to the beautiful, colonial two story home. It was excessive for one person in his opinion, but beautiful.

And entirely unlike his own small, sparse apartment.

Nervousness was replaced by self-consciousness. Of course, he'd always known that Peter liked the finer things in life. He almost always showed up in suits on Friday nights - shiny shoes, neatly pressed pants; he liked vests - this Jasper had noticed. Vests, cuff-links, and watches on shiny, silver chains. He usually took his jacket off in an attempt to fit in with the other patrons of the bar who were, like Jasper, a bit more on the grubby side. It didn't work but, straight or otherwise, most of the bar's patrons didn't seem to mind.

Jasper wondered idly if Peter felt as out of place in the grungy bar as he did at this very moment.

Catching his hand right before it went into his hair again, Jasper paused to dig a rubber band out of his pocket. Thoroughly irritated with himself, he gathered his hair into a high, spiky tail and wrapped the rubber band around it.  _Run your hands through that._

With a final, deep breath, Jasper raised his hand to the bell.

A second later Peter had thrown the door open. He grabbed a fist full of Jasper's shirt and dragged him inside. No sooner had the door slammed shut behind them than Peter was shoving Jasper up against it. His hands went greedily up to the singer's face, framing it. His eyes looked Jasper up and down once, a smile on his face that was affectionate and a look in his eyes that was softer than the aggressive movement of his hands. Jasper didn't have time to dwell on it as Peter leaned in then, claiming his lips and his tongue.

Jasper moaned into Peter's mouth, forgetting all about his anxiety as he melted into the other man's familiar and eager touch. He wrapped his arms around Peter's back, running his hands along the well defined muscles beneath the simple cotton shirt he wore.

Peter in casual clothing was new. Jasper decided he was fan when he realized that a cloth t-shirt meant no undershirt. Right now, with Peter's lips and hands moving on him hungrily, fewer clothes was better.

When the pesky need to breathe finally became too much, Peter and Jasper parted, panting. "I missed you," Peter said huskily holding Jasper close.

The other man chuckled lightly. "You saw me on Sunday."

"That was ages ago," Peter growled, ducking his head slightly so his lips were near Jasper's ear. "I like this." He flicked Jasper's little pony tail. "Makes it easier to do this," he said, running his tongue along the shell of Jasper's ear.

"You keep that up and we're not going to make it past the foyer," Jasper said with a moan. Even as he said the words he leaned against the door and ran one foot down the other man's calf. "And you promised to show me your place."

"Later," Peter replied, shifting his hips into Jasper's so his hard on was obvious. "I need you now. Turn around," he requested quietly.

A thrill went down Jasper's body. His heart pounded in double time - eager and excited. He turned and put his hands against the door.

This was also new. For being such a confident man in his business life, Peter was much more submissive in the bedroom. Jasper had always been the dominant - commanding and guiding Peter into the positions he wanted. He had gotten a taste of this on Sunday when Peter had all but attacked him, pinning him over the arm of the couch and then some.

Possessive, Edward had called it.

As Peter's hands went to his sides and his lips to Jasper's neck, the singer pushed all thoughts about the bronze haired young man, forty minutes away, out of his head.

Despite his earlier aggression, Peter's movements were more sensual. As his hands played at Jasper's sides, he kissed and nipped at his neck. Peter knew all the right spots that drove Jasper crazy. He moved at a teasing pace until Jasper was writhing in anticipation beneath him, grinding his ass against Peter's groin.

Fuck, he  _needed_ him.

Finally, Peter's hands reached around, rubbing Jasper roughly through his jeans as his light nips became love bites. Jasper reached one hand back, tugging at Peter's hair to communicate his want because he didn't think he could be coherent right then.

Responding, Peter undid the button of Jasper's jeans and slid them down along with his boxers. Jasper's whimper of anticipation spurred him on, and suddenly he couldn't be teasing anymore. He had to be inside Jasper, the sooner the better.

Peter had fantasized, more than once, about having Jasper right here against his door, in his home. This week, for reasons he couldn't figure, his need for Jasper to be  _here_ had been too great and he'd found himself picking up the phone more than once. Now that his fantasies were coming to life he could not be more eager. He was glad, then, that he had thought to slip a small bottle of lube into his pants pocket before Jasper had arrived. As he hastily worked to undo the button on his own jeans, he wrestled the bottle out of his pocket.

Pouring on a liberal amount, he wrapped one hand around his cock, coating every inch as he stroked his length, while the other hand reached under to cup Jasper's balls. Jasper gasped, arching his back against Peter as the older man traced a line from his balls up along the crack of his ass.

"Peter," Jasper panted. "Now. I need you."

"You want this?" Peter asked in a low, seductive voice as he pressed the head of his cock to Jasper's entrance without penetrating.

Jasper moaned. "God, yes. Please."

Another day, Peter might have continued teasing him until the other man came completely undone, but he was too eager. He gave in easily and began to thrust into Jasper's tight hole. With an appreciative moan, Jasper thrust his hips backward in time with the rhythm Peter set. "Fuck, that's good," he breathed, leaning his head against his left arm.

Jasper lost himself to the feeling of Peter inside of him and the other man's lips against his neck and across his shoulders. In between bites and kisses, Peter whispered dirty, delicious things in his ear. The singer's responses were little more than groans and guttural sounds. He let the finger's of his right hand reach back, running through Peter's hair and feeling the sheen of sweat at his neck while his left arm protected his head from the door as Peter thrust into him forcefully.

When the pleasurable feelings coursing through him had tensed his cock to the point of pain, Jasper removed his hand from Peter's hair and reached down to take his length in his hand. Slick with the sweat from Peter's hair, he began stroking himself hard and fast. Peter's dirty talk had dwindled as he panted in Jasper's ear, nearing his release.

"Jasper," Peter rasped, pulling Jasper hard against him by his hips. His fingers dug into the singer's skin, gripping tightly as he thrust hard once, twice, and then jerked, a long, strangled cry falling from his lips as he came.

When Peter had emptied himself into Jasper and his body had stopped shuddering, he reached around, batting the other man's hand out of the way. It only took a few strokes for Peter to coax Jasper to orgasm. He caught all of Jasper's sticky come in his hands, kissing the younger man's neck tenderly before stepping away.

"Guess we should start the tour with the bathroom," Peter quipped.

Leaning with his back against the door as he caught his breath, Jasper chuckled wryly. "That might be a good idea," he agreed as he pulled his pants back on.

After they'd both had a chance to clean up, Peter did show Jasper around his house. There were three bedrooms - one of which Peter had converted to a personal office for the time being.

"Your house is amazing," Jasper said. "But I gotta ask. Why did you get a place so big for just you?"

Peter shrugged, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door jam, a wistful expression on his face. "Maybe I won't always live alone," he said simply. "Maybe one day I'll have a passel of little ones running around this place."

Jasper's heart crept up to his throat as an image of Peter lifting a small child into his arms running through his head before he could stop it. He found the mental image made an unfamiliar warmth spread through the pit of his stomach.

Before he had a chance to dwell on it, Peter hooked his fingers into the waistband of Jasper's jeans, pulling him out of the room. "Do you want to see my bedroom?" Peter asked suggestively.

The unfamiliar warmth that had spread through Jasper's body was replaced almost instantly with desire. He let Peter lead him down the hallway where they put his very large bed to good use.

Afternoon started to get into evening and they had yet to leave the room. As the natural light in the room dimmed Jasper found himself lying on his back, feeling sated and happy. Peter was dozing lightly, his head on Jasper's chest as the younger man ran his fingers through his hair lazily.

In the silence of the room, the loud rumble that Jasper's stomach gave then was enough to startle Peter awake. He looked around, blinking in an adorable, surprised fashion. "Sorry, darl," Jasper murmured. "I forget about paltry things like food when I'm with you."

Peter pushed himself up and kissed Jasper tenderly. "My fault. Come on, let's go wrestle up something to eat."

"Can we go out?" Jasper asked, trying to figure where all his clothes had relocated to. "You know, as close as I am, I never get out here to Austin. I've head of some great places."

"Um. You want to go out?" Peter asked, and Jasper could hear the hesitation in his voice.

Jasper paused as he was about to put his shirt on. "You don't want to?"

It didn't escape Jasper's notice that Peter wasn't looking at him. He gave a small bark of laughter but it was an uncomfortable, nervous sound. "I just don't feel like sharing you tonight. Can't we stay in? I can make anything you want." He looked up at Jasper then and he was smiling invitingly, but tightly.

Jasper furrowed his eyebrows. He knew something was wrong but he couldn't figure out what he had said. A few seconds ago they had both been in a sex-induced haze. Now things felt ...off.

Peter dropped his gaze and Jasper suddenly understood. The older man didn't want to chance being seen out with him.

As he pulled on his boxers and jeans, Jasper tried not to feel hurt. Peter had never made a secret of the fact that he kept his life separate from whatever he had going with the singer. Sure, he'd been invited into his home, but being seen out in public was a whole other story.

"It's just that - I told my boss I was sick. You know, I never call in sick. If anyone from work happened to see me, they'd know I was lying," Peter said quickly, trying to fill the silence.

"I get it," Jasper said quietly, his voice betraying no emotion. He sat down on the bed, his back to Peter, as he pulled on his socks. "You know, it's actually later than I thought. I need to get home anyways."

Peter's stomach seemed to sink to the bottom of his feet. "It really isn't a big deal. You haven't eaten all day. Let me make you something."

"No, it's fine," Jasper said quickly, trying and failing to make his voice light. He tied his shoes and stood. "I'll just hit the drive-thru on my way out."

"You really don't have to-"

"Peter," Jasper said, standing and turning to him. "It's fine." His smile was sincere though not as carefree as his usual nature. "I have a drive ahead of me and work in the morning." He tilted his head down, looking at Peter with a broader grin. "Besides, if I stay, we're just going to get in trouble all over again and then we'll both be tired and sore tomorrow."

Peter smirked, a rush of warmth running through him. Tempting. So tempting.

But then Jasper was walking to the door. Peter frowned slightly and got up, following him down the hallway and down the stairs. He was surprised at how much he didn't like watching Jasper leave.

"This was...good," Jasper said, smiling as they lingered at the door. "I really like your house. It's very you."

"Sterile and cold?" Peter asked, not entirely joking.

With a light chuff, Jasper ran a finger down Peter's jawline, stopping under his chin and guiding his face up. "Beautiful," he corrected, kissing Peter gently. "Tastefully decorated," he joked, kissing him again.

Peter chuckled and put his hands to Jasper's waist, drawing him closer for a proper goodbye kiss.

"Are you coming tomorrow?" Jasper asked.

"With any luck," Peter said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Perv." He leaned in and pecked Peter once more on his lips. "I'll see you tomorrow then, darl."

Then he was gone and Peter felt a subtle ache as he watched the other man's car retreat. Funny. He thought he would feel better not being the one to drive away.

In his car, Jasper was feeling conflicted. It was ridiculous that he felt as hurt as he did. He'd thought he knew the rules of this game he was playing with Peter.

A year ago it had all been so clear.

Jasper had never been the playboy type. In his first relationship he had fallen hard and fast. He was nineteen and it had lasted three years before the rug had been pulled out from under him. To say he had been devastated was putting it mildly.

Before his tumultuous break-up with his first love, Jasper had a very clear view of what he wanted in life. He wanted a home and a family. He wanted children he could love with acceptance and without the conditions that his own family had set on him. He wanted a partner by his side to share his joys and his pains.

When his relationship had ended Jasper couldn't think about those things anymore. He had thrown himself into his music and his work.

A year later he had met Peter - a stressed out businessman who had wandered away from his usual Friday night scene searching for something he couldn't quite name. When he sang, Jasper always looked out into the audience, connecting for seconds at a time with the eyes staring back at him. When his eyes landed on Peter's they'd lingered for almost an entire song.

Afterward it was Peter who approached him at the bar. They'd talked about his music. Then they'd talked and talked and talked until the bar was about to close.

At two in the morning, both a little tipsy, Peter had tentatively put his lips to Jasper's.

At first, Peter was freaked out. He was straight, or so he'd thought. He'd never had feelings for a guy before. Moreover, all the people he associated with were guy's guys. They used the term 'faggot' liberally and were uncomfortable with anything remotely 'gay'.

In Jasper's always humble opinion, anyone who spent that much time concerned about what reading a book, watching a movie, using a phrase, liking a color etc, etc, etc said about their sexuality were uncertain of it.

As for Jasper, he always figured that people were people. Labels like gay, straight, and bisexual made no sense to him. He didn't figure it should matter who anyone took to their bed besides the people directly involved. You couldn't help who you were attracted to. The people Jasper happened to be attracted to almost always had dangly bits between their legs and he had an oral fixation that seemed to go well with those types of people.

He'd done his best to soothe Peter's fears. It was just one kiss - not a promise. Honestly, Jasper didn't want a relationship, but it had been so long since he'd wanted to touch and kiss and suck and fuck.

It was pleasure without obligation or expectation.

After the first time, Peter stayed away for over a month. It was no skin off Jasper's back. He wasn't anything to him than an interesting person and a good lay. He'd been happy when Peter came back, but then it was hard not to be happy with his cock buried so deeply in someone tight and warm.

Had something changed without his realizing it?

Jasper scoffed to himself. Of course something had changed in their dynamic. Edward had appeared out of no where.

Edward's observation of Peter's jealousy had thrown Jasper for a loop. Why would Peter be jealous? Part of his subconscious might have been toying with the idea that maybe, just maybe, Peter wanted more. Jasper hadn't let himself think about it - or so he'd thought until Peter's obvious shame of being seen out with him had felt like a kick to the gut.

Jasper told himself he just got carried away. It was almost impossible not to feel a connection. It had been a year and, as Jasper had admitted to Edward, he really didn't mess around with anyone else. For all that he knew that Peter did mess around with other people - most often a petite blond named Charlotte.

Peter had told him on numerous occasions that his and Charlotte's relationship was purely sexual, not unlike his and Jasper's. However, Charlotte got taken out on the town. Charlotte was the one on Peter's arm when he had work functions or went out with his buddies.

It was true that Peter had gotten possessive of Jasper and jealous of Edward, but then Edward had been correct in calling Peter selfish. Peter was selfish of the little time he got to spend with Jasper and he had never had to share that time before. He was simply reacting to it. That was all. It didn't mean anything different.

What Jasper couldn't figure out was if he really  _wanted_ it to mean something different.

Pulling into his driveway, Jasper rested his head on the steering wheel for a moment, trying to tap down his emotions.

Either way, Peter had never changed their dynamic. They had discussed, many times, Peter's feelings on the matter. He was very insistent on the fact that if his co-workers knew he liked kissing boys, even if it was only one boy - well, two if you counted Edward - it would put a stop to his steady rise to the top of the company. Nothing mattered to Peter more than his job did. It was his life.

Jasper got out of the car and went upstairs. The smells wafting out from under his door reminded him abruptly that he had put very little in his stomach that day besides -

Well, it wasn't food.

When he stepped in the door he was greeted by a lovely sight. Edward was at the stove, his back to him, wearing a wife beater and jeans.

Instantly, Jasper was hungry, and not just for whatever Edward was cooking.

 _Horn dog much, Jasper?_ he admonished himself.

Edward looked over his shoulder and gave Jasper a lopsided grin. "There you are," he greeted. "Dinner's about done. Are you hungry?"

"Yep," Jasper said, pecking Edward on the forehead as passed by. He threw himself down in the seat and just sat back.

"Long day?" Edward asked quietly, looking him over with a concerned expression.

"Something like that," Jasper replied. He ran his hands through his hair tiredly, having long since lost the rubber band he'd put it up in earlier that day.

Edward looked curious but didn't press. Instead he simply scooped dinner onto two plates and set one in front of Jasper.

They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes before Jasper spoke. "The Cherry Pit lets us come in to practice before they open. If you want, you can come with me. Meet the guys. They're good people."

Edward chewed for a long moment, considering. He swallowed thickly and then glanced up at Jasper from underneath long eyelashes.

He just looked so fetching when he did that.

"Yeah," Edward said softly. "That sounds good."

The next afternoon found Jasper and Edward at the Cherry Pit around four. Jasper was lacking his customary bandanna. He told himself it was because he always got hot on the stage and having his hair swept up into the high tail he'd worn yesterday just made sense. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Peter had liked it.

Nothing at all.

"Hey, Jasper," Emmett greeted from the stage as they walked in.

"Hey, Em," Jasper returned. He turned to Edward. "Edward, this is our bassist, Emmett McCarty."

Emmett offered Edward a big, welcoming grin and waved.

Jasper pointed to a statuesque blond woman in artfully faded blue jeans and a killer halter top. "That's Rosalie Hale on the drums."

Rosalie glanced up, looking disinterested but nodded in acknowledgment. Emmett stepped over to her and put his arms around her possessively, his eyes on Edward. "Mine," he grunted, though he was still smiling.

"You want to piss on my leg while you're at it?" Rosalie asked, looking at Emmett over her shoulder with an annoyed expression.

Emmett glanced at her and raised his eyebrows. "You're getting kinkier by the minute, babe."

Edward had to laugh. "Noted," he said to Emmett when the other man looked up. Not that he would have been interested anyway. Rosalie screamed high maintenance.

Shaking his head slightly, Jasper pointed to the last member of the group. "On the keyboards we have Laurent Delassixe." Edward couldn't help but appreciate how Jasper's voice wrapped perfectly around the French name, his Texas twang making it sound even better.

"Hello," Laurent greeted, looking up from his keyboard and over at Edward with curiosity.

Jasper unconsciously stepped closer to Edward. "Everyone, this is Edward Cullen."

As Jasper promised his group of friends was very welcoming. They didn't ask any awkward questions. Mostly, they worked while Edward watched, fascinated by their dynamic and missing his own guitar, far away at his home in Chicago.

Afternoon bled into evening and the band got off the stage as people started to fill the bar. Jasper slid into the booth, putting his arm easily around Edward as the others sat. The waitress, Angela, brought around a plentiful amount of finger foods and a round of beers for everyone.

Again, Edward was struck by how at home he felt here. He seemed to fit in well - better than he ever had in his hometown with people he called friends for years.

Except...

Edward pushed all thoughts of his old life away. He wasn't ready to call this his new life. It had only been a week after all. He did, however, want to live in that moment. He was happy and relaxed - enjoying a whole new set of people with a whole new outlook on life than he'd had just a week before.

At eight Jasper and the rest of the band pushed out of the booth to get ready for their set. Before he left, Jasper tilted Edward's chin up and kissed him long enough that Emmett actually had to come back and get him.

"Save it for after the show, Whitlock, we got shit to do," Emmett said, chuckling.

It was after their first song that Edward's eyes were torn from the stage as someone sat across from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I totally had a plan for this chapter but apparently, my boys weren't having it. They did their own thing and now my plan is fucked.
> 
> Sigh.
> 
> Anyway. The threesome action will be back next chapter. Major thanks to JadedandBoring who is totes my sunshine. Also, thanks to SweetDulcinea - she wrote me a great haiku - no one's ever done that for me before! You should check out her haiku series - there's a link to it in my profile.
> 
> If you want to see what I picture in my head as I write these boys, a pic of Edward, Jasper and Peter is in my profile. Mmmmm mmmm good.
> 
> Make me happy. Hit the review button. Please.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attention: FF was acting kinda cunty last post so make sure you've read chapter 4 before you come in on Chapter 5.
> 
> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer made them, I'm just playing with them.

Edward tore his eyes away from the stage, blinking sporadically at the blond haired man in front of him. The man looked familiar, but Edward couldn't place him until he felt the hairs on the back of his head raise. The man gave him the creeps and Edward remembered his name then- James Hunter.

He felt the corners of his mouth turn down. "Can I help you with something?"

James' eyes, at that point undressing Edward where he sat, snapped up. He grinned - the smile deceivingly polite; even charming. "Well now, that is a loaded question. I'd bet there's a lot of things you can help me with."

A foul taste filled Edward's mouth at the very thought. "Look, these seats are somewhat taken," he said, trying to keep his cool. James made him a combination of instantly irritated and creeped the fuck out.

The blond haired man tilted his head, looking amused and condescending. "Oh, now look at this. You've grown a spine since last week, have you boy? That's good. I like a boy with a bit of spunk in him." He laughed at his own double entendre and Edward's stomach roiled a bit.

"Listen carefully," Edward said cooly, "I'm really not interested and I think you should leave now."

The other man chuckled, leaning forward on the table. Instinctively, Edward leaned backward. "You take it from me, sweetheart. Whitlock ain't worth your time. He's got a habit of taking vulnerable, pretty little things like yourself, using them and then leaving them high and dry when he's done."

Seeing that Edward's interest was piqued as he crossed his arms defensively, James continued. "You want to know the only reason he puppy-dogs after Peter? Peter is the only one he can't wrap around his little finger. You don't have a chance little one."

Despite himself, Edward found that he was leaning closer, his face rapt with an uncomfortable interest as James spoke. He was, in fact, so distracted by James that he didn't notice the person that had come in the door and all but sprinted over the table, his eyes narrowed in irritation. When he spoke, Edward jumped. "You're in my seat, Hunter. I think it best if you moved along."

James' lips quirked in irritation before he turned to acknowledge Peter's presence. "Don't be jealous, Damon. I was just talking with our friend here," he said, reaching out to pat Edward's hand. Edward instantly yanked his hands back off the table.

"I don't give a damn if you were hammering out the plans for world peace. I'm wondering if maybe you sniffed a little too much glue in high school to be this fucking stupid." Peter leaned on the table getting right into James' face. "You aren't welcome here. Get. The fuck. Out."

"Tsk, tsk," James tutted, grinning at Peter condescendingly and not appearing the least bit concerned at how close the other man's livid face was to his. "You're just upset, Damon. I understand. I don't like to share my pretty things either."

Edward's eyes darted back toward the stage, noticing that Jasper was still playing but he looked pissed. As their hands continued strumming, he leaned in close to Emmett and made a motion with his head at their table.

Before Jasper could interrupt his song as he was about to, Peter grabbed James by the shirt collar and hauled him bodily up out of the seat. He shoved him backward unceremoniously. "Out!" he ordered.

For a long, tense moment, Edward thought that James was going to fly at Peter. Then his eyes flicked to where Jasper and Emmett were glaring at him from the stage and seemed to think better of it. Instead, he grinned, adjusting his jacket. "When did you get claws, kitten?" He chuckled. He looked over at Edward. "We'll talk again soon, sugar," he said, before turning and sauntering off, presumably in search of less protected prey.

Watching James go with hard eyes for a moment, Peter shook his head. Then he turned back and offered Edward a smile. "May I sit?"

Edward arched an eyebrow at him. "Of course."

"I didn't want to presume...after last time I mean," Peter said, sliding into the booth opposite Edward and looking studiously at his hands.

"Peter," Edward said with a slight groan of exasperation. "I said it was fine. I understand. Heat of the moment and all that." He shrugged and smile a small, lopsided grin. "I wasn't exactly acting as - uh - inexperienced as I really am."

Automatically, Peter found himself how much more experience the last week had brought Edward but he quickly pushed that thought away as none of his business. He looked up at Edward. "You know, Jasper told me I looked like him," he jerked his head at where James was now seated at the bar.

Edward studied him closely. "What's your deal with him? I mean, he gives me the heebiejeebies, so to speak, but you and Jasper both seem to go from calm to pissed off pretty fucking quick when he's around." Edward looked down. "I mean...there's obviously some history there...at least from what he said."

Peter sighed. "Jasper has a longer, more sordid history with him than I do, but that's his story to tell. As for me..."

He took a deep breath and then looked over at Edward with a hint of discomfort in his eyes. "The second time I came here, looking for Jasper...I found James instead. I wasn't really in the best of places. I was confused." He shifted in his seat, staring listlessly at his hands. "I drank a lot. James seemed friendly - he kept buying me drinks... and before I knew it he had coaxed me outside."

Edward's stomach twisted anxiously as he listened to Peter's story, fearing what was coming next.  
He reached out, touching the older man's hand comfortingly. Peter took a deep breath, and continued.

"We were kissing," he admitted, seeming a little embarrassed about it. "Then he kind of ... pushed me up against his car...and he was touching me. I didn't like it, but - I don't know. I can't really tell you if he just didn't realize that I wasn't into it or if he was ignoring it. Things were a little...hazy at that point, ya know?" he asked sheepishly.

"Anyway," Peter said dismissively, "Jasper, luckily, happened to be pulling in. He saw us. He saw that I ... wasn't enjoying my time with James. He pulled him off of me and beat the shit out of him."

Edward processed this information slowly. First, it gave him a little bit more vindication in dismissing James' insinuation that Jasper might be taking advantage of him. Logically, he knew it was a possibility, and when he thought about it his father's voice still yelled incredulously in his head, but he couldn't deny that he trusted Jasper, implicitly. Secondly, Peter's story did give him the reminder that, regardless of his trustworthiness, Edward didn't know a hell of a lot about Jasper. He knew him well enough to understand that Jasper was not the kind of man that would beat the shit out of another man when the situation could have been easily misunderstood.

He wondered what Jasper's "longer, more sordid history" was with James.

Shaking all of that way for the moment, Edward squeezed Peter's hand. "For what it's worth, I know you're not like James."

For a moment, Peter looked at Edward's hand on his then he grinned, looking up at Edward. "Well that's good, kid. I was looking forward to this weekend."

Just then the song finished and both of the men turned to the stage as Jasper drawled at the audience, making his goodbyes. As soon as he had set the microphone in its stand he hopped off the stage. Only a moment later he had slammed himself down into the booth next to Peter. Edward had to laugh as he watched Jasper attack Peter's lips with gusto.

They broke with a gasp and Jasper grinned. "Let's get out of here?" he asked, looking first at Peter and then at Edward. He didn't bother to try to hide his need for them.

Jasper's enthusiasm and the lust in his eyes made it nearly impossible for Peter and Edward not to be on the same page. They nodded quickly and stood, Peter once again throwing down a handful of bills on the table as they left.

.

Jasper was leaning over the console, his lips attached to Peter's neck. "Jesus, Jazz. You're going to get us killed," Peter said, fighting the urge to let his eyes roll into the back of his head as he drove.

"Sorry," Jasper said, reluctantly returning to his proper seat. "I just missed you."

Peter chortled. "What are you talking about? It's only been a-" He was cut off when Jasper looked up, a little wide-eyed. "Week," he corrected, though he'd seen Jasper the day before.

Luckily, the awkward feeling in the car only lasted a minute or so before they pulled into Jasper's apartment complex. Then they all seemed to forget about the tense moment as Jasper jaunted up the steps, the other two not far behind.

As soon as Jasper's door was closed he had Peter pressed against it. As he started to kiss Peter, he reached behind him blindly, finding Edward's hand and clasping it. Jasper pulled Edward to him, wrapping the younger man's arm around his waist, pressing his hand against his crotch where he wanted it to be. Once he was sure that Edward had the idea, he released his hand so he could stroke Peter's neck.

Edward, in turn, began to kiss Jasper's neck hungrily, enjoying how Jasper responded by grinding his ass against him. While he covered his skin with firm kisses, Edward's hands rubbed Jasper through his jeans.

"You're wearing. Too many. Fucking. Buttons," Jasper gritted out between kisses, his hands having gone to Peter's chest in an attempt to get him out of his shirt.

Peter just laughed. "You should fucking talk," he responded. Jasper had neglected to remember that he'd put on a button down shirt that day. It was unusual, but then, Jasper's taste in clothing was always eclectic. Peter made relatively quick work of Jasper's buttons, pulling the other man to him with his hands on the small of his back.

Eager to have access to more of Jasper's skin, Edward tugged the shirt back and off his arms. Once his upper torso was bare, Edward began pressing wet, open mouthed kisses across Jasper's shoulders, letting his tongue dart out lick certain spots.

Before long all three men were naked and thoroughly kissed. Jasper grabbed both Edward and Peter by the hand, beginning to drag them toward the couch.

"Why don't you two go," Edward suggested, pulling back.

Peter and Jasper turned to look at him. They looked so fucking sexy - both of their complexions flushed with their fervent actions; both nude and well toned. As his hands had run over their bodies just a few minutes before, Edward had begun to wish he could simply watch. He wanted to see their bodies move together. They were both so very attractive.

"I want to watch you," Edward explained at their questioning glances.

Both of their eyebrows quirked in tandem, and Edward had to hold back a laugh.

"That's..." Peter started.

"Hot," Jasper finished.

"My thoughts exactly," Edward agreed.

That settled, Peter let Jasper tug him over to the couch.

Edward watched them for long moments, both curious and completely turned on. Peter sat on the couch first, spreading his legs in a wide stance and pulling Jasper backward onto his lap. Jasper turned his head back, his hand tangling in Peter's hair as they kissed. With one hand, Peter grabbed blindly for the lube on the end table. Once he found it, he hastily squeezed a bit onto his fingers, all while his head moved, finding new angles to explore Jasper's mouth. He slipped his hands between them, spreading the lube along his length before working his finger along and into Jasper's entrance. Jasper lifted himself up slightly to facilitated Peter's eager fingers

When he was sure that every necessary surface was slick, Peter put his hands at Jasper's waist, guiding him up into an almost standing position. As Jasper sat back down, he slid slowly onto Peter's cock, Peter guiding him by his hips.

Edward watched in rapt fascination as Jasper's face contorted - not in any kind of pain but with the pleasurable sensations running through him. Having studied the body intensely in his preparation to become a doctor, Edward knew just how many nerves were back there, but watching as Jasper's eyes closed and he made the hottest, guttural noises was an entirely different experience.

Needing to touch Jasper's heated skin, Edward pushed off the wall and walked toward him. Peter watched him as he approached, laying his head against Jasper's - sticky, moist skin and sweat slicked pieces of hair pressing together as their bodies connected. He nodded slightly in encouragement and Edward sat beside them on the couch, watching, now that he was closer, the way that Jasper's muscles contracted as he moved on Peter's cock. He watched Peter slip in and out of Jasper.

Fascinating. Beautiful.

So. Fucking. Hot.

He began running his hands over Jasper's features - first feathering his fingers along his cheek, rubbing the spots behind his ears before moving down the graceful arc of his neck. It was when Edward got to his clavicle, his long, adroit fingers playing along the bone, that Jasper realized he was stimulating all the erogenous zones he could reach. It brought a sensuality to Peter's primal, purely sexual movements behind him.

It was a delicious mixture that robbed Jasper of words. He laid back against Peter, just allowing himself to drown in the mixture of sensations.

Edward continued his exploration, running his thumbs around Jasper's nipples and squeezing with alternating pleasure. Peter watched Edward over Jasper's shoulder. He was both amused and appreciative as, with every moan Edward elicited from the singer, Jasper's body coiled or jerked. The motions, especially when Jasper tightened around his cock, were amazing.

As Edward raked his fingernails lightly over Jasper's abs, he decided to switch positions. He slid off the couch, dropped onto his knees and maneuvered himself into position, kneeling on the floor between Jasper and Peter's spread legs. "Edward, what are you..." Peter was cut off when Edward's hands went to his balls. Peter moaned, loudly. "Jesus, kid you are going to kill me."

Edward just smirked, palming Peter's balls in a soft, kneading motion. He kept one hand on Peter as he moved the other up to where he and Jasper were joined and then continued up Jasper's body, running his finger over and between the the singer's family jewels. Jasper whimpered, Edward's name falling from his lips in a desperate whisper. So many good sensations.

Finally, Edward's hand came up, grasping Jasper's cock firmly. Holding it up, he let his tongue dart out - not trying to wrap his lips around Jasper's tip at all but just letting his tongue slide along his length naturally with the bouncing motion of Jasper and Peter's movements. Jasper gasped, sitting up straight; his back leaving Peter's chest entirely for a moment. "Oh, fuck."

Peter began to thrust into Jasper with vigor, alternately murmuring dirty things in his ear and biting lightly on his earlobe as he worked his way to his release. He came first, pulling Jasper back against him and squeezing his shoulders roughly when his orgasm hit.

As Peter came down from his high, he held Jasper on his lap, brushing sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes as Edward wrapped his lips around the singer's cock; easier to do now that all the bouncing had stopped. Already pretty worked up, it didn't take Edward long to coax Jasper to orgasm. He came almost as soon as the head of his cock hit the back of Edward's throat.

Edward sat back on his heels with a satisfied smirk on his face, watching both men as they caught their breath.

Jasper opened one eye lazily, seeing the pleased expression on his friend's face and he smirked back. "I'm gonna wipe that goofy grin right off your face, Cullen," he drawled leisurely, sounding more like he was ready to take a nap than anything.

"Oh yeah?" Edward grinned lopsidedly. "How's that?"

Jasper let a few quiet moments pass before he suddenly slid off of Peter, onto the floor, pouncing at Edward as he did so. Edward cried out in surprise, falling back onto the plush carpet. Moving quickly, Jasper scrambled off of Edward, coming to kneel at his head. He grabbed the younger man's arms and held them pinned above his head. The shocked look on Edward's face made Jasper and Peter both crack up.

Edward looked between both of them, blinking sporadically before he got his heartbeat under control. He tried to yank his arms out of Jasper's grasp but the other man had quite the grip, he found. Jasper grinned down at him triumphantly.

"Nice, Whitlock. Now that you got me, what are you going to do with me?" Edward challenged, his voice low.

Making his face a mask of seriousness, Jasper leaned down, his long hair brushing Edward's face. "Ritual torture," he said solemnly. He looked up at Peter then and made a motion with his eyes.

While Jasper held his arms still, Peter proceeded to tease Edward with his fingers. He touched the sensitive skin of Edward's inner thighs, ran his fingers over his abdomen and even reached up to tease Edward's nipples - but he only barely brushed his cock in all of his wandering.

Peter and Jasper teased Edward until he was painfully hard and literally begging for release. Then, and only then, did Peter lie on the floor on his belly so he could take Edward's length into his mouth.

Ritual torture indeed.

.

On Saturday morning Peter and Jasper stayed in bed, kissing lazily after Edward went to make breakfast for the three of them.

That was another thing that Peter missed since last week. Though the sex was great and what he was, technically, there for, he had missed the intimacy of waking up with Jasper's arm across his chest and his sweet, slow kisses on his lips. He let his fingers run through the tangles of Jasper's messy hair, just enjoying the closeness for a while.

"You didn't tell the kid you came to see me?" he asked after a while, his voice non-accusatory.

Jasper shifted away from him just enough so he could look him in the eye.

He looked somewhat guilty. "I don't even know why I didn't," he muttered, a little self conscious.

Peter shrugged slightly. "None of his business, really."

With his fingers strumming restlessly at the skin of Peter's stomach, Jasper didn't answer. Logically, he knew that it was none of Edward's concern what he did or didn't do with Peter. There was nothing he had to answer to younger man for. Still, it  _felt_ like a betrayal and he wasn't quite sure why that was.

"How long is he going to be here anyway?" Peter asked, his tone sounding almost disinterested.

Jasper rolled off Peter onto his back, putting his arms behind his head. "I don't know. We haven't really talked about it but he's welcome to stay as long as he'd like," he answered, putting on the same disinterested tone Peter had.

"Hmm," Peter responded.

"What?" Jasper asked, hating that the peaceful morning now felt a little tense. Peter didn't answer, staring instead up at the ceiling without looking at Jasper. "Do you have a problem with Edward living here?"

"Why would I have a problem with it?" Peter asked, a little too quickly to be believed.

"That's something you're going to have to tell me, Peter."

Peter didn't answer right away, trying to sort out his thoughts. For whatever reason, he felt slightly hurt. He couldn't pinpoint why this was. There were a lot of thoughts running through his head that he didn't know how to process, not the least of which was the feeling that Jasper was ashamed of him - and that's why he hadn't told Edward about their tryst. He wondered if that was why Jasper had looked somewhat wounded when he left on Thursday. Peter had known that Jasper had figured out that he didn't want to risk being seen by one of his colleagues - not because he feared being called a liar but because they just wouldn't understand the nature of his and Jasper's association.

"It's none of my business what you do with Edward anymore than it's his business what you do with me," Peter mumbled finally.

"Well, that's not what I asked," Jasper said, rolling out of bed and reaching for his robe. With his back to Peter it was easier to acknowledge the subtle ache in his chest. He rolled his eyes at himself and the part of him that ached for Peter to tell him that he wanted to make it his business.

But if that was what Peter wanted, Jasper was going to make him ask for it. He wasn't going to throw away an uncomplicated companionship just to wait for Peter to show up when he damn well pleased. "Do you have a problem with him living here?" Jasper asked again.

Peter watched as Jasper paced a ways away from the bed and leaned on the wall, his arms crossed. "No. It just feels like maybe he's taking advantage of you. Haven't you thought about what people will think?"

"What will people think?" Jasper prompted.

Peter pulled himself into a sitting position against the headboard but didn't look at Jasper as he spoke again. "Two guys living together in a one bedroom apartment - they're going to think you're together."

Jasper scoffed lightly. "Who is this mysterious they that I suddenly give a shit about? It's no one's business but mine who I have in my own home." He was trying very hard not to sound as defensive as he felt but he was failing.

Feeling awkward, Peter shrugged again. "I don't know what if... what if someone came along? You wanted to date someone... that wouldn't go over too well," he finished lamely.

"Date someone?" Jasper asked, incredulous. "Well, darl, if that ever happens I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Until then, Edward is welcome to stay." He shrugged a little, taking a breath to calm his irritation. Peter was just concerned about him. As a friend. "It's nice to have someone to wake up to, one way or another. Even if it isn't anything long term."

Peter seemed to be studiously studying his hands. "Right. I get you. Good for right now."

"Yeah," Jasper agreed. "It's win-win. He gets some time and peace to figure out a few things. I get good morning kisses and...other things." He grinned widely at Peter.

A pang that was definitely jealousy stabbed at Peter painfully. "Right," he said, careful to smile back at Jasper. "Sounds...nice."

Jasper nodded. "It is," he assured the older man.

From the kitchen, Edward's voice interrupted their discussion and both men followed the delicious smell of pancakes, eggs, and sausage out of the bedroom.

.

The next morning, Peter got up early, trying not to jostle Edward and Jasper. He dressed as quickly and quietly as possible in the bathroom, but when he came out, Jasper was awake. He was still in bed, but his eyes were open and a little sad as they found him in the doorway.

"Leaving?" he asked in a low whisper.

Peter nodded, feeling shitty. He hated leaving. He hated leaving early even more. "I have a presentation I need to prepare today," he explained quietly.

Jasper just nodded and carefully extricated himself from Edward's light hold around his waist. Slipping quickly into his robe, he followed after Peter.

"I've got a commitment next weekend," Peter said, talking a little louder after Jasper closed the bedroom door. "But...do you think, maybe, you can come see me again this week?"

Despite his inclination to say yes to any additional time with Peter, Jasper was wary. He knew he was getting too attached and he knew how easily this casual thing between them could become way too complicated and painful. "I don't know," he hedged. "We'll see, okay? Is it alright if I call or text?"

"Yes, of course. That's fine," Peter said, trying not to show his disappointment. "If I don't respond right away, it's just a work thing."

"Right," Jasper said, smiling ruefully. Always work.

With a slight grimace, Peter leaned in to kiss Jasper. He felt a lot better once they were connected at the lips, and allowed himself to deepen the kiss the way he wanted to. It wasn't a hungry kiss that would have left both of them aching. It was a lingering kiss - slow and intense without the heat of sex behind it. After a moment Jasper put his arms around Peter, running his fingers along the muscles of his back. Peter cupped Jasper's face tenderly.

When they parted they both had gentle, peaceful smiles. Peter stroked Jasper's cheek, looking as if he wanted to say more. Instead he said what needed to be said. "Goodbye, Jazz. I'll see you soon. Say good-bye to the kid for me," he added, a little tighter.

Jasper nodded his acquiescence and slipped behind the door, closing it as Peter started off down the walkway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: To my reviewers - sorry I've fallen behind. Please know that I read every single review and I love them all and I WILL respond to them, this I vow. I love this story and I love hearing (reading) your reactions to the characters.
> 
> My beta for this story's name is JadedandBoring. If you're not reading her story Tie Me Here In Time (and it's prequel) you really fucking should. Even though it's canon (kind of...lol). It's just SO wonderfully done. I love it and I love her.
> 
> If my boys cooperate, I'm thinking Edward just might lose his virginity next chapter. Won't that be fun?
> 
> Let me know babes. I love you too!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer made them, I'm just playing with them. Jackson Rathbone is completely and totally responsible for that fuck awesome haircut. I saw him on Friday and Jesus Christ I have never had so much trouble not rushing the stage...fucking a.

Jasper Whitlock was disgruntled.

There were a number of reasons for his foul mood, none of which he really wanted to acknowledge. However, it was beginning to affect his work. Jasper couldn't afford to be angry when he was teaching people how to incapacitate an attacker. That Wednesday he canceled his classes for the day, not wanting to risk accidentally punching one of his clients in the face.

It had been two and a half weeks since he'd seen Peter.

This was not the first time he'd gone a significant period without seeing his wayward fuckbuddy. However, it was the first time that Peter had kept in near constant contact with him throughout his time away. The only slightly older man was still trying to convince him to go to Austin.

If Jasper was being honest with himself he would have to think about the fact that whenever he got a text from Peter his face would light up. He would have to think about the little flutter in the pit of his stomach and the warmth that spread from the center of his chest.

He would have to acknowledge the fact that he might just be falling in love with Peter.

There were multiple reasons why being in love with Peter was a bad thing. First of all, it made the whole fuckbuddy thing too complicated. If he couldn't separate his feelings from the pleasure of sex then he was only setting himself up to get hurt.

Which meant that going to Austin to see Peter was quite the opposite of a good idea.

Jasper wasn't fool enough to think that the consummate businessman would change. If he went to Austin he would end up feeling exactly the same way he had last time – dirty; cheap. It had been a rather painful reminder that he was not part of Peter's  _real_  life. He was an easy lay who wouldn't ever be welcome into Peter's home with his clothes on; a fantasy the other man indulged in when it suited him.

The hopeful, admittedly lovesick, part of him argued that Peter was just scared. Obviously, being invited into his home, his real life, at all was progress, and if he could come that far then it was just a little more time before he would open up for good.

But Jasper had been down that road before – wishing and hoping someone would just realize that they could be so, so good together. He didn't want to do it again. And, most of him knew Peter wasn't going to change. He was just too afraid of what he could lose.

Hence, Jasper was frustrated. He was hurt. He was horny. He was irritated.

He was not in a good mood.

After he had finally given in and called off his classes for the day, he made his way to the Cherry Pit where he could nurse a beer and try to gather his thoughts.

A jovial voice interrupted Jasper's thoughts. "So, a Jasper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, 'Why the long face?'"

Jasper's head snapped up just as Emmett slipped into the booth across from him. "Hey, Em," he greeted.

"Seriously, Bro. What's up?" Emmett asked, leaning across the table.

If it had been anyone else besides Emmett, Jasper would have said that nothing was wrong. However, Emmett had known him since he was an eighteen year old, scrawny kid with not more than the clothes on his back to his name and fading bruises on his face that his father had put there. It was Emmett who had picked him up, dusted him off, and enrolled him in his first self defense course. The brawnier man was like a brother to Jasper, and he trusted him.

Jasper sighed heavily. "I think I may have feelings for Peter," he admitted to his beer bottle.

Emmett blinked at him a few times, opened his mouth, closed it again, and then scratched his head helpfully. When Jasper groaned, Emmett held his hand out in a 'wait' motion. "Tact is not so much my virtue, dude. I'm trying to think before I speak and, well, I'm just not used to that."

"I'll say. What are we thinking about?" Rosalie interrupted them, sliding into the booth next to Emmett.

"Jasper has feelings for Peter. Maybe," Emmett said, displaying his aforementioned lack of tact.

Rosalie's face crinkled in disgust. "Oh, no, Jasper, not that creep."

Rosalie didn't so much lack tact as she wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind, regardless of whether it was what the other person wanted to hear or not. "Peter isn't a creep, Rosalie."

"Whatever," she muttered. "Look. I get that he's not a bad guy. I even like him - or I would if I didn't see what a tremendous coward he is. A man like that is not good enough for you."

"Rose," Emmett warned, noticing the irritated expression on Jasper's face.

"No, Emmett. It's high time he heard this," she said firmly, turning back toward Jasper. "Honey, look. I understand the need for getting a little play. I understand the need to feel sexy and desirable, especially after A-"

The pained looked that Jasper threw her made her back pedal quickly. "Especially after everything you went through," she amended. "But Peter isn't good for more than just a fuck. And at over a year, it's more than just sex, Jasper. He's no good for you," she repeated.

"Who are you to judge that anyway, Rosalie? You hardly know him," Jasper countered, defensive.

"That's exactly why he isn't good for you, numbskull," she retorted. "He comes down here to play pretend with you. Gets a little sex and then goes back to his life. A life he has purposefully excluded you from. All of your friends know him - have met him - but I guaran-fucking-tee you that none of his friends know you exist."

Jasper flinched, knowing Rosalie's words were true and they stung worse than the wasps' nest that he had stepped on as a child.

Rosalie sighed, and stood up, crossing over to Jasper's side of the booth and sliding in beside him. She threw her arm over his shoulder and pulled him close. "You listen to me, Jasper Whitlock. This world has thrown a lot of shit at you and you've come out of it as a remarkably beautiful, wonderful man with your head held high. You are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of."

Jasper didn't respond, but he didn't push her away either. He just continued to stare down at his hands as they held the beer bottle.

Rosalie took that as a sign to continue. "Your parents threw you away - fuck them. They were too motherfucking stupid to see what a treasure you are. Al-  _He_ walked away and Peter keeps you at arm's length. Fuck all of them, honey," she said vehemently.

"You deserve nothing less than a man who sees everything you are, and is proud to be by your side," she concluded.

Despite his conflicting emotions, Jasper smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, Rose," he said sincerely. "But you don't have to make me out to be the victim. I knew what I signed up for. It's not his fault that my feelings may have changed," he said sadly.

"That might be true," Rosalie said slowly, "but don't you think that's enough reason to stop this thing?"

Jasper twirled the bottle around on the table but didn't answer. The very idea of not being able to see Peter was painful.

Surprisingly, it was Emmett who cut in then. "Jazz, don't you worry that you're going to miss something great because your eyes are always watching the door, waiting for Peter to come through it?"

"It's not like I'm not open to other things, or other people," Jasper said, looking up at his friend. "Just ... nothing has come up. There's been no one who I'm interested in, or who is really interested in me."

Emmett smirked. "Oh, really? What about Edward, then?"

Jasper furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What about Edward?"

"Why haven't you considered dating him?" Emmett continued.

"Man, you're one bail short of a haystack," Jasper said, incredulous. "Edward isn't interested in that kind of thing."

"You don't think so?" Rosalie asked.

Emmett laughed. "Dude. You're blind. That kid fucking hangs on every word you say. He...adores you. And not just for your sexy bod."

Out of habit more than anything, Jasper chuffed. "Edward doesn't know what he wants."

"Jasper, none of us knows exactly what we want - you included," Rosalie pointed out. "We're talking dating. You know - exploring someone else  _outside_ your damn bedroom. Emmett is right, as astounding as that is. You can't be open to finding something else when you're always _looking_ at Peter. Waiting for him.

"Edward isn't a bad choice. He's a nice man; smart, witty. Even though he's just as new to this whole scene as Peter once was, he has yet to hide from it the way Peter still does," Rosalie reasoned. "I think he could be good for you, but even if you don't choose Edward, it's time to move on from your whole rebound stage."

Again Jasper didn't answer, turning all this talk over and bristling at Rosalie calling Peter nothing more than a rebound. Was that what he was? He felt more important.

Then, maybe that was a bad thing.

Rosalie moved then, standing and tugging on Jasper's arm. "Come on. Get up."

Jasper quirked an eyebrow but let her tug him to his feet. "What are we doing?"

"Age old cure all for a bad day. We're going shopping." Rosalie studied him for a minute and then ruffled his scraggly hair. "You're also getting a haircut. There's nothing that makes you feel quite as fabulous as a new look and this is getting a bit out of control as it is."

Amused, Jasper turned to Emmett. "Don't look at me," Emmett said, raising his hands and laughing. "It took me a while to figure it out, but with Rosalie it's best just to nod, say 'yes ma'am' and do whatever she tells you to."

Jasper turned back to Rosalie and offered his arm. "Yes, ma'am," he said as she looped her arm through his and he let her drag him out of the bar.

"Honey, I'm home!" Jasper called jokingly as he stepped in the door of his apartment late that evening. As Rosalie had promised, a day out had been just what he needed to perk up a bit.

"Hey, Jazz. I- Whoa." Edward came to a halt as Jasper came into view. He blinked for a few moments, taking in Jasper's form. Black jeans, white button down and his long scraggly hair had been cut into a shaggy bowl cut.

It was surprisingly hot. The light stubble on his chin combined with this haircut made him look angelic somehow. He was just so very pretty.

Jasper had debated with Rosalie over getting this haircut. He'd wanted just a trim. It had been years since his hair had been shorter than his shoulders. Rosalie had purposefully started at a buzz cut so she could bargain him down to the four or five inches she'd talked him into.

Just the appreciative look on Edward's face was enough to make Jasper glad he'd gotten the cut. After all, it was just hair. It could grow back.

Edward found himself moving forward without consciously realizing what he was doing. His hands plunged into Jasper's hair, his fingers combing through the shorn locks. "So that's where you've been. I like this. I like this a real lot."

Jasper struggled to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head. Edward's fingers running along his scalp made him want to purr with contentment. "Jesus, Edward. That feels really fucking good."

"You like this?" Edward asked, his voice suddenly low and sultry. He continued to move his hands through Jasper's hair - his fingers able to move freely through the silky strands now that he didn't have to worry about tangles.

Catching the sudden shift in the atmosphere between them, Jasper opened his eyes to find Edward's face only a few scant inches away. He closed the distance between them. While the bronze haired man continued to molest Jasper's scalp, the not quite as scruffy anymore singer moved his hands to the small of Edward's back, pulling him flush against his body.

For full minutes there was no other sound besides their lips moving; the light, wet smacks when they parted to breathe, the rustle of their clothes rubbing together as they leaned in or shifted position. Their kisses lost their initial urgency, but the hunger wasn't gone. It had distilled into a slow build - like one might whet their appetite before a feast - savoring the smells from the kitchen and imagining the taste on their tongue.

Edward's hands had dropped down to Jasper's neck, though he still stroked the hair at the nape, tugging lightly at the short strands. Jasper's fingers had hiked the other man's shirt up just a little so he could trace gentle circles across the skin there.

When Jasper's hunger had built to the point that he needed a taste, he let his lips drift downward. He peppered kisses at Edward's strong chin, his hands simultaneously coming up flat against the plains of the younger man's chest and pushing him back against the wall. He ran his nose down the arc of Edward's neck, savoring the tactile feel of the light stubble against his skin and the vague smell of Irish Spring soap mixed with pheromone-ridden man.

Jasper took his time, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses down Edward's neck to his shoulder. The other man's breath came in soft pants as he ran the pads of his fingers lightly behind and around Jasper's ears.

It wasn't until Jasper moved his hands to the front of Edward's jeans that either of them spoke. Edward caught the singer's hands, his long fingers wrapping around his wrists and stilling them. "Jasper," he said breathlessly.

Jasper raised his head, perplexed and slightly impatient. However, his slight agitation at being stopped was replaced instantly by concern when he saw the nervousness on Edward's face. He moved his hands up to stroke the younger man's back, raising a questioning eyebrow.

It took a moment for Edward to form the words that had been running through his mind. He swallowed nervously, his hands moving so that he could stroke Jasper's cheeks with his thumbs. "If I wanted you to..." he swallowed again, slightly irritated with himself for being quite the inexperienced schoolboy. "If I wanted you to...take me...what would you say?"

Whatever Jasper had been expecting Edward to say, it was certainly not that. His breath caught in his throat and his dick automatically twitched at the thought of being inside the other man. He'd wanted it - God since he'd first laid eyes on him.

There were, however, a few things that Jasper needed to know first. He moved his hands up, putting them over Edward's on his cheek before threading their fingers together. He moved their joined hands down between their bodies. "Why me?" he asked, his voice soft and unassuming.

Edward looked him in the eye as he spoke. "Because I trust you," he answered honestly.

"This is what you want?" Jasper asked after a moment. "I mean, you're not doing it because you think it's what's expected of you - or anything like that? Because it really isn't, Edward."

"I know that," Edward assured him, his breath shaky with nerves but not lacking in want. "I want this...unless it's not what you want."

Jasper grinned, his eyes sparkling with humor and lust. "Oh, I want darl. Believe me, I want. It's just not something I want you to regret."

Edward shook his head, leaning forward to kiss Jasper once - no more than a brush of their lips. "I won't regret it. Just...um," he looked away and Jasper couldn't help but think he was quite endearing when he was just a little bit jumpy. "Does it...hurt? At first I mean?"

Suppressing his smile so that Edward wouldn't feel self-conscious, Jasper stroked his knuckles soothingly. "Depends on the person, honestly. For some people it never hurts at all. Either way, if it does it's more like an ache...nothing worse than when you feel the burn at the gym, so to speak."

Looking relieved, Edward exhaled shakily. "I kind of figured, but it's nice to hear."

Feeling slightly overwhelmed with the trust Edward put in him, Jasper leaned in to kiss his forehead, then the tip of his nose before capturing his lips. He let his tongue probe Edward's mouth slowly, gently - a silent promise that the younger man's trust in him was well founded. Edward kissed back, running his tongue along the singer's in quiet demonstration of his willingness and want for this.

Jasper lead Edward to the bedroom, their hands joined. Taking their time, Jasper and Edward made out voraciously as their hands unbuttoned, unzipped, and discarded each other's clothes. As their tongues mingled, their fingers explored - teasing and titillating each other with soft caresses and gentle pinches.

When they had worked each other to a fever pitch, Jasper directed Edward to lie on the bed. Edward complied easily, though his heart seemed to beat in double time and his throat closed just a little bit. He laid face down on the bed, his head resting in his arms on the pillow.

As Jasper ran his hands over Edward's shoulders, he could feel the tension in the muscles of his back. He leaned in, kissing his heated skin and licking at sensitive spots. Every once in a while he would drag his lips up to Edward's ear and whisper a stupid joke.

"Do know why vegetarians can't be gay? - They can't eat meat."

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? - Megasoreass."

"Did you hear about the homosexual letter? - It only came in male boxes."

By the last one Edward was laughing so hard at the sheer ridiculousness of the jokes that his shoulders were shaking. Jasper grinned, noticing that Edward was much more relaxed as he ran hands down the other man's back.

As he kissed down Edward's shoulder blade, Jasper reached over and picked up the bottle of lube that was resting on the nightstand. He poured a liberal amount into one hand and reached down, circling the other man's entrance with a single finger. Edward's breath caught.

"You don't have to do this. You know that right? If you don't want-"

"I do want," Edward said firmly, tilting his head to the side on the pillow so he could look him in the eye. "I want you. And I'm ready," he promised.

Jasper dipped his head, kissing Edward's lips. As they kissed he let the tip of his finger slide into and out of Edward. Slowly, he worked his way in deeper, brushing along all the nerves in that area. Edward gasped against his mouth - a pleasurable sound.

When he had worked a good amount of the lube into and around Edward's opening, Jasper guided them both onto their sides. Keeping his lips against Edward's neck, he stroked his cock several times, spreading the slick liquid over his length. He placed the head of his cock at Edward's entrance and waiting a moment, giving the younger man a chance to protest.

Though Edward's breathing was slightly faster than he wanted it to be and his heart was pounding erratically, he was eager and ready. He moved his hand down to where Jasper's lay on his hip and clasped it, squeezing gently.

Taking that as a cue, Jasper began to work his way, inch by inch, inside of Edward. He thrust his hips gently, giving the other man time to adjust and tamping down his own urge to go faster; harder.

When Jasper was about halfway inside, Edward whimpered, but it wasn't with pain. It was an odd sort of pressure, and, as Jasper had spoken about, a dull kind of ache, but the pleasure was tremendous. He pushed backward, gyrating his hips some as he found himself not only enjoying the feeling of being filled, but wanting more of it. "Deeper," he whispered breathlessly, not even aware that he'd spoken until he heard Jasper's answering moan.

"Fuck," Jasper murmured. Edward was so tight. It was good. The slow burn that had begun in the kitchen picked up pace. As he thrust into Edward fully, Jasper moved their joined hands down to the other man's rock hard erection. "You feel so good," he whispered fervently as he found a slow, steady rhythm and began stroking Edward's cock in tandem with it. "You like that?"

"Yes. Fuck. God. Yes," Edward said - the new sensations coursing over him overwhelming his typically articulate nature.

"Shhh, darl," Jasper rumbled in his ear. "Just relax. Just feel."

For the most part, Edward followed Jasper's direction, giving into just experiencing the feeling of pleasure and sheer ecstasy that rolled through him. His hands, though, were everywhere - reaching back to tug and tangle in Jasper's hair, running along his side, and then down to where Jasper's hand worked him.

As Edward melted against him, thrusting backward even as Jasper pushed forward, Jasper increased his pace. Their bodies were slick with the sheen of sweat from their exertions and Jasper was sure he couldn't hold out much longer. "I wanna come inside you," he said in the heat of the moment.

Edward's only response was to push back against Jasper hard, their skin slapping together audibly.

Taking that as acquiescence, Jasper moved his hand from around Edward's cock to his waist, digging into the other man's skin slightly as his orgasm hit him strongly. He muffled his cry with his open mouth against Edward's shoulder as he jerked a couple more times.

For a few moments they both panted, catching their breaths. Then Jasper slid out of Edward, and guided him back onto the bed. He quickly kissed a line down his body and took Edward's length into his mouth. It took less than a minute for Jasper to coax Edward to orgasm.

Spent, Edward laid back against the pillows and Jasper laid his head on the other man's chest, listening as his speeding heartbeat slowed. After a moment Edward moved his hand to Jasper's hair, stroking the sweat dampened strands. The mood between them was more intimate than it had been; a great deal more tender.

Nice. Definitely.

When Edward's heartbeat had returned to its normal rhythm, Jasper raised his head and kissed him on the chin. "Are you okay?"

Smiling, Edward nodded and chuckled. "No idea why I put that off for so long," he admitted.

"Do you know what I don't understand," Edward said as they lay curled together in bed the next morning, lips occasionally brushing. "What is it about your voice that makes me so...fucking ready to go sometimes? I mean, it's somewhat ridiculous. You don't have to be talking dirty - just certain times your voice is all it takes to make me want to jump you."

"I think it's just accent envy," Jasper teased. "You wish you had an accent as sexy as mine instead of a boring Chicago accent."

"I can speak with an English accent," Edward responded, his voice proving his point. "Gunge, herbs, bottle...coccyx."

Jasper had to fight the automatic wave of lust that swept over him, playfully determined not to give Edward the upper hand. "That was a horrible," he informed him.

With a lopsided smirk, Edward ran a finger up Jasper's chest, causing the other man to shudder slightly in pleasure. "See, I know for a fact that wasn't horrible. That was a dead on British accent."

"Oh?" Jasper said challengingly, catching Edward's hand and bringing it up so he could kiss his palm. "You been to Europe, pretty boy? What am I thinking, of course you have," he laughed.

Watching Jasper's lips move over his hand, Edward answered distractedly. "My father was born in England actually."

At the thought of his father Edward's erection ceased its insistent poking at Jasper's side, deflating almost instantly. Jasper chuckled and Edward rolled his eyes. "See? I don't want to think about my father when I'd rather be having sex."

"Shit, that makes two of us," Jasper muttered. Then a thoughtful look crossed his features as Jasper pondered what kind of a man could produce spawn that looked like Edward did. If Edward was Apollo, would that make his father Zeus? "Unless he's hot. Is your father a hottie, Edward? Do you have a picture? I need to see this."

Jasper suddenly leaned over Edward, lunging toward the other man's discarded jeans. "What are you doing?" Edward asked, perplexed as he watched Jasper start to search the pockets.

"You seem like the type to have family pictures in your wallet," Jasper muttered, still hanging over Edward and the bed as he found what he was looking for. "Ah! Here we go." He flipped the wallet open.

Realizing what he was doing and what he would see, Edward made a grab for the wallet but Jasper knocked his hand away. Sure enough, Edward did have what he was looking for - a picture of an older couple that could only be his parents, smiling indulgently for the camera. "Holy shit, Edward. Your dad is a fox." He tilted his head. "Your mother is beautiful too. But your dad…well, your mom's a lucky woman, I'd say."

"Um, that's kind of creepy, Jasper," Edward grimaced distractedly, grabbing at the wallet again.

Jasper flipped to the next image and saw instantly what had Edward so nervous about. "Oh," he said, startled.

It was a picture; a fairly recent one at that. In the picture, Edward grinned at the camera. He looked happy.

He had his arms wrapped around an attractive, brunette girl; his cheek pressed to hers and her hands over his. Her eyes shone with a similar happiness.

They looked for all the world like a young couple in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: DONUT jump to conclusions. Plenty more sexy boysecks ahead. Promise.
> 
> I love jadedandboring. MWAH. Thank you for beta work.
> 
> Let me know what you're thinking. And Team Peter - don't worry... Your boy will be back next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedication: To you OFFers...who opened up a whole new world for me. Thanks for letting me in. Totes.
> 
> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created them. I'm just playing with them.

Because Jasper was in a bit of a shock, Edward was finally able to get the wallet from him. He snatched it back, a scowl on his pretty face. He turned around, his back to Jasper as he tugged his jeans on.

"Edward-" Jasper started, but the other man cut him off.

"Why do you have to be so g'damn nosey?" he asked with a quiet fury. His movements as he found his shirt and put it on were sharp. His face was a mask of irritation that Jasper hadn't ever seen on him.

"Where are you going?" Jasper asked quietly, ignoring Edward's question.

"What's it to you?" he asked defensively.

Jasper sighed. "Edward, stop. Just slow down a minute, okay?"

Edward paused, his back still to Jasper and he pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing deeply.

When he was sure the younger man wasn't going to bolt, Jasper spoke again. "You know I was just messing around, and I'm sorry that I upset you. It's not like you owe me an explanation or anything, but I want to be sure you know – I am your friend, first and foremost."

Edward sat on the edge of the bed, head down, as if in thought. Watching him carefully, Jasper continued, "If you want to tell me about it, I want to listen. I like you Edward, a lot. I know this other thing happened pretty quickly, but I don't just want you around for the hot sex."

As he'd hoped, Edward's shoulders shook slightly with his silent laughter as the tension around them broke. Satisfied, Jasper sat up, his back against the headboard, scratching the back of his neck.

He could imagine that Edward was feeling exposed and vulnerable. His defensiveness spoke volumes. Obviously, there was a history with the girl in the photo – one that Edward was hurt, angry, or guilty over.

Despite spending every day of the last almost four weeks together, they had stayed away from the very personal subjects. While they could talk for hours on the subjects that were mutually interesting – music, of course, history, and philosophy – they had yet to get to the subjects like their parents and their past relationships.

There was not a lot Jasper hated more than talking about his past. There wasn't a hell of a lot of happy in his past and what little there was had been tainted by the pain of his first relationship ending the way it had. Still, he knew he had to be the one to make the first move as Edward was on the defensive now.

"My first real relationship was with a man named Alec. A boy, really," he started quietly.

Edward's head rose and he shifted, all of his body language indicating that Jasper had his absolute attention.

"We met when I was nineteen and he was eighteen. I thought he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid my eyes on. So sweet. Pretty, little smile." Jasper's voice, as he spoke, was wistful. Edward shifted again and glanced at Jasper. The singer was looking down and away, but there was a small smile playing at his lips.

Then he sighed. "But, he was with another man. James actually," Jasper continued, his voice harder when he said James' name. "It took a while – he was so nervous about talking with me – you know, if James saw us he was the type who wouldn't understand that kind of thing. But, little by little, Alec started to open up."

Another sigh, and Jasper's voice sounded both defensive and sad. "You gotta understand…Alec, he wasn't weak. But he'd had a rough life up to that point. He was in a real bad place and James helped him. See, his parents put him in a mental hospital. You know – if you have enough money you can still do that – treat it as if it were a disease to be attracted to people who have the same appendages as you do. So they tried to cure him…and when they couldn't, they just left him there. He was fifteen."

Edward couldn't imagine what it would feel like to know a person you loved had been treated so poorly by their own parents. Needing to comfort Jasper in some way, he moved again, sitting next to the other man on the bed. "Go on," he encouraged softly, reaching out to take Jasper's hand in both of his.

Jasper watched the way Edward's fingers played with his, the touch soothing enough that he continued. "As you can imagine…fifteen and abandoned by his parents, told over and over again that the things he felt and the way he was was wrong…he was … vulnerable. Enter James, who was an assistant at the asylum Alec was left at. He was twenty years old, handsome, and kinder than anyone had been to Alec in a long time. James started telling him how beautiful he was and talking it up that he could make him feel good and he didn't have to be ashamed.

"Of course, Alec ate it up then. He let James get him out and take him in. But James didn't do it out of the goodness of his heart. So here's this kid – naïve, just wants to be loved…and James finds himself in possession of a very susceptible young sex slave," Jasper spat, his voice hard and his fist clenched around Edward's fingers. His eyes burned with an anger that hurt to even look at. "Alec told me later that he wasn't always willing…he didn't always want it. In fact, at first especially, it was frightening and painful. But he always did whatever James wanted because James told him that's what you did for people you loved…and didn't Alec want to show his appreciation?" Jasper mimicked mockingly; venomous.

Seeing James' face in his mind, Edward felt an anger rising in him. Jasper was obviously a better man than he was as Edward wasn't sure how he was going to withhold from punching James in the face the next time he saw the blond man.

"I kept on encouraging him to leave and he wanted to. God, how he wanted to," Jasper continued, his voice pained now. "But he was so scared. The poor boy had been beaten and controlled all his life and it took me forever to convince him that he could have what he wanted – any life he wanted. You have no idea how much I just wanted to march into the shitty little house James kept him in. I wanted to go in there and get him out."

"I know," Edward soothed, reaching up to smooth Jasper's hair out of his eyes.

Edward's touch had the desired effect. Swallowing hard, Jasper continued. "Then one day, he saw us together. James, I mean. It was all fairly innocent - but we were at lunch and Alec was venting and I had my hand on his. They stared at each other. James looked so ... malicious and Alec looked terrified. I jumped up to defend Alec, tell James nothing was going on, but Alec jumped up and pulled James away too quickly.

"I didn't know what to think, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong so I decided to walk by their place," Jasper gritted out, his voice haggard. He remembered this part of his story only too vividly. "I heard shouting. Vicious, vicious words. And Alec- he was screaming. He was pleading.

"I called 9-1-1 and didn't pay any attention when the operator told me not to interfere – to wait for the police to get there. I ran into the house and found James towering over Alec who was curled on the ground all fetal. James was kicking him, over and over and over while he cursed and Alec begged."

Responding instantly to the pain and anger in Jasper's voice, Edward slipped his arm around the other man's shoulders. Jasper leaned into him, his nose to Edward's neck, pulling in deep breaths and letting the younger man's presence keep him anchored.

When he spoke again his voice was softer, mournful. "I barreled into James and we had a pretty nasty fight of our own until the cops arrived to break us apart. Alec stayed conscious long enough to tell them I was just protecting him and then he passed out. He didn't wake up for three days with all the swelling around his brain…and I don't think I've ever cried so hard or prayed so much." The last words came out as nothing more than a whisper.

For a long while, Jasper was lost in thought; lost in his memories. Edward said nothing – just kept his arm around the other man, stroking his hair gently.

"You know," Jasper said absently after a few minutes, "James didn't serve very much time for what he did. He said the fight had started because he found out Alec was cheating on him with me…which wasn't true, but that was difficult to prove seeing as Alec had moved in with me by the time of the trial. Crime of passion…and James didn't have any previous law trouble under his belt, and a good lawyer of course.

"At the time of our first fight I wasn't very skilled. I held him off, sure, but I didn't do him much damage so…all those years later, when I saw him with Peter and I saw the look on Peter's face…a lot like Alec's, all nervous and at a loss for what to do, I didn't really think. By then I had plenty of martial arts classes behind me…and I kicked his ass good," Jasper said with an air of satisfaction. "Made sure not to leave him hospitalized, though I wanted to. I know he knew that I could though. Maybe that's why he never called the cops on me, I don't know. Either way, he deserves much worse."

"He really does," Edward murmured in agreement. He wanted to ask what had happened to Alec. He wanted to know more about this man who had been so important to Jasper – and why he wasn't here now. Actually, he had about a thousand questions.

However, he could see the toll it took on Jasper to tell this much of his story. He could see that it wasn't easy and he knew it wasn't fair of him to push when he had secrets of his own. He took a deep breath.

"The girl in the picture – her name is Bella. That was taken on her birthday in September, about a month before I took off," Edward started, his voice heavy with guilt.

"I've known her since we were both seventeen. She moved to the same middle of nowhere, tiny slip of a town that my dad moved us to when I was fifteen." Edward smiled unconsciously as he reminisced. "When I met Bella I was kind of a prick to her. And anyone could see she was the quiet type. But she got in my face right away when I slighted her. I fell in love with her in that moment."

He frowned, regretfully Jasper thought. "You know, it's easy, when you're seventeen, to think you have it all figured out. To think you know what you want. To think that nothing is going to change about the way you feel."

"Your feelings changed?" Jasper asked gently.

Edward sighed, leaning forward and propping his elbows on his legs. "I don't know what happened. When we met, Bella just...fit. I knew that the woman I wanted to be with, eventually, wouldn't be like the, well, teenagers at our high school. Fuck - I don't know how to say this without sounding like an ass-"

"Don't worry - I get it," Jasper said, offering Edward a soft smile. "Teenagers can be...uh, challenging to be around, even when you are one."

"Right," Edward said, smiling slightly. "Bella wasn't like the others. I could actually talk to her - I mean, really talk. That's a rarity even amongst adults. People so rarely want to  _think_ about things."

"Ain't that the truth," Jasper mumbled.

"We could talk about anything; everything. She wanted what I wanted - good, fulfilling careers, life near a city that was more culturally diverse than where we were - some place where we could grow together."

Edward laughed slightly. "It seems ironic now. We talked endlessly about what Bella might like to do - what she should major in - really insightful, soul searching discussions about what she wanted and why. Maybe if I had taken the time to do that then instead of just assuming that the decision I made when I was four years old - to be a doctor - was the right one, I wouldn't have had this...I don't know, crisis of self? If you want to be dramatic about it."

Jasper scoffed lightly. "You know what one of the most annoying things about teenagers is? They think they know everything," he teased carefully.

"Tell me about it," Edward said, but he was smiling slightly. "I mean ... I feel like...the world's most ungrateful asshole. My life was enviable. My parents were supportive and proud. I had a girl who amazed me, and adored me...and I adored her. My parents were almost as in love with Bella as I ..."

He cut off, a sad expression coming over his face. The words he hadn't said hung in the air between them.  _As I was._

"We decided on going to school around where I was born - Chicago. You know, there's a lot of culture - plenty to see, do, and experience; all of that. I really can't tell you when things began to change. Maybe it was watching all the college kids around us explore and discover new things about themselves. Bella and I were so...steadfast. As the years went by, we were just ...deeper versions of the people we had been in high school. A little more well rounded maybe," Edward mused. He'd obviously given all of this a lot of thought.

"It just started to sink in that this was  _my_ life. It wasn't a pretty picture that was painted on some distant canvas. I was living it." Edward frowned, running his hand through his hair restlessly. "When that really hit me, I realized that, instead of being ecstatic at the fact that I was well on my way to that perfect picture...I was just striving singlemindedly toward a goal that felt...empty.

"That was when I decided I needed to get a hold on what I really wanted. I mean, I was just about to apply for grad school. You know – once you've put that much time into a degree – it makes more sense to keep going forward than to start all over. I thought I'd better get out before I found myself trapped out of convenience."

"It makes sense," Jasper assured. He paused, but felt like the answer to the next question was probably important. "Does Bella still think you're…together?"

Edward's body became noticeably more rigid and he stared straight forward, not looking at Jasper. He took a deep breath. "Not exactly. We…. I was very confused when I left Chicago. I didn't know how much of my life I wanted, if that makes sense. Before I left, we talked, of course. We agreed that I couldn't take this time – this whole self-discovery thing – with any kind of a deadline. I didn't know when I'd be back or what I would want. So, in that way, she understood that I didn't expect her to wait for me."

"But it's not like you parted on bad terms," Jasper filled in the blanks.

Edward straightened up, leaning back against the headboard again. "Quite the opposite. She was always so supportive of what I needed. I love her. I really do. She's been wonderful about this whole thing. She waits for me to call and listens when I want to vent." He sighed, closing his eyes briefly. "But I don't think she's going to move on, on her own."

Silence stretched on between the two men as Jasper debated with himself over how much he should get involved. While he was sympathetic to Edward's situation, he also had been in Bella's shoes. "Edward," he said finally, "you have to tell her. She deserves to know."

"I know that," Edward replied quickly, a hint of defensiveness in his tone. "I just wish…. Sometimes I feel like that whole world doesn't even exist. Like it was just some dream. A good dream, you know? But I feel like I belong here – and that's all just a pleasant place where I could never truly belong."

Jasper ran his hand up and down Edward's leg in a comforting way, squeezing reassuringly. "Darl, that place exists. You're gonna have to figure out how they work together. … and you need to tell her."

Edward stared forward. Then his eyes closed again as he pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing tightly and breathing through the intense guilt and trepidation he felt. "This is going to hurt her. She's worked toward a life together for four years. She doesn't deserve to be hurt."

Tugging lightly at Edward's arm, Jasper guided them both until they were lying on the bed on their sides, Jasper's front pressed against Edward's back. He wrapped an arm around Edward's waist and pressed his lips to the spot behind his ear. "The beauty of love is that it carries both extremes. You can't have the great happiness without the possibility of great pain. It'll hurt her because she loves you. It will hurt you because you love her. At the time you gave her your love, you gave it honestly and she returned the sentiment, so you can't regret that.

"The downside of letting someone in like that is that you give them power over you. Love is any number of cliches - a roller coaster, a battlefield...pretty much everything you've heard in songs is true save for maybe one. Love is most definitely not all you need. But if you don't allow yourself to love…how do you ever really live?" Jasper's voice sounded far off, and Edward couldn't help but wonder if he was given himself the same speech, thinking about Peter.

"Be honest with her," Jasper concluded, kissing the shell of Edward's ear as he spoke. "She deserves that. And hopefully she will come to a place where she won't regret giving you that power. The time you had together isn't any less because of what you feel and know about yourself now."

He sighed, sounding a little sad and wistful. "There's nothing in this life that's a promise, Edward."

They were both quiet for minutes, Jasper's lips brushing the back of Edward's head and nuzzling his neck. He was giving Edward the time he needed to think and regroup.

Edward knew he would have to face the reality of his situation soon enough. He would have to merge his two worlds into one so he could start living the life he wanted.

For now, though, he let his eyes close as Jasper's hands worked under his shirt and slipped it over his head. He let the tension in his shoulders ease as Jasper peppered slightly wet kisses across them, alternately nipping and licking. He kicked his own jeans off and intertwined his legs with Jasper's, letting the other man bring him pleasure as he lent Edward part of his world to hold onto until the younger man found his own.

Peter Damon was irritated and frustrated on several levels.

For three weeks now, Jasper had been putting him off.

Among Peter's litany of frustrations was the irrationality of his thoughts on the matter of Jasper's inattentiveness. He'd found his mind wandering an unacceptable amount of times - while he was at work, while he was home alone, while he was out with friends - always imagining scenarios in which Jasper had lost interest in him. He imagined Edward waking Jasper each morning with sweet words and those amazing lips wrapped around his cock. He had pathetic dreams about the two of them lopping off hand in hand while he watched - alone and abandoned.

It was, in Peter's estimation, ri-g'damn-diculous. It was a ridiculous thing to think about someone who was, after all, just a sex buddy. There was nothing in Jasper's texts or the few times Peter was able to get him on the phone that indicated he wanted to end their association entirely. In fact, Jasper had always sounded elated to hear from him...and disappointed when he invariably turned Peter down. Peter didn't know what to make of that.

He told himself several times he shouldn't care.

However, as days turned into weeks and Peter couldn't deny that he missed Jasper - not just his cock and his sexy body, but Jasper himself. He had to acknowledge that it wasn't Edward who was keeping Jasper away.

Of course Peter had seen the hurt look on Jasper's face when the singer realized that Peter was afraid to be seen in the city with him. He'd felt shitty, but Jasper had known going into this how he felt.

As far as Peter was concerned, there were the way the things should be and the way things actually were. Obviously, he could see Jasper's point. It wasn't right that what he did in the privacy of his bedroom had any sort of bearing on his job. The reality of the situation was that it would.

Long before he'd known that he could find such pleasure at being inside another man, or having another man inside of him, Peter had know what he wanted out of life. He wanted the corner office with the view of the river. He wanted the six figure income. He wanted the respect and admiration of his peers. Eventually, he wanted to provide his family with everything they needed – and spoil them with vacations where his children could learn and enjoy many different cultures across many different countries.

All of his life, Peter had worked toward this ultimate goal. He was great at what he did and had worked his way up steadily since he'd graduated from college with honors.

When he'd met Jasper, he had been confused to say the least. He'd been stressed at work for a long period of time at that point. Nothing he'd tried could relieve the tension he felt, until he'd driven some forty minutes outside of Austin and found a bar in the middle of nowhere with a singer he just couldn't take his eyes off of for reasons he still couldn't explain. Talking and drinking had lead to kissing. Kissing had quickly lead to … well, other things, and though Peter had gotten out of there with the intention to forget it had ever happened, he couldn't deny that the stress, when he returned on Monday morning, was all but gone.

The thing that Peter understood, that Jasper fought against constantly, was that there were rules to any situation and if you didn't play by the rules, you would face the consequences. If you believed in the theory of evolution and your major required you to take a biology class in college, you wouldn't agree with what you were being taught. However, the rules of a class aren't to believe everything a professor says, it is to prove to the professor you've learned everything he or she taught. You have a choice – do a final essay on what you believed was correct or do a final essay on what the professor taught. If you went with your own beliefs, you failed the class, you didn't get your degree – and the professor kept teaching other students who would get their degree while you sat atop your pile of principles.

The bottom line was that Peter's job depended on his peers, bosses, and the people he negotiated with being comfortable with him. Yes, it was a stupid game, but the men at the top prided themselves on things like their masculinity . They judged the people around them by the beauty of the woman they had on their arm and the amount of sex they supposedly got. Peter played the game with a smile. He pretended he found the gay bashing jokes they told were funny instead of ridiculously offensive. As long as he was part of the boy's club, he got the contracts and earned his paycheck. He could take off his mask at home and on weekends with Jasper.

Of course, weeks like the last few were particularly hard for that reason. Occasionally, his job required him to socialize. This would be the third weekend he spent away from Jasper and he was feeling it. Hard.

"What are you sighing about in here?" a voice distracted him from his thoughts. Charlotte breezed into the bathroom with her high heels clack, clack, clacking on the tile. Peter took a moment to drink her in. She was truly a vision – a stunning red dress that was just the right length that she would be taken seriously without masking the sexiness of the toned body she'd worked hard for. Her blond hair was swept up into an elegant twist on the back of her head.

Peter couldn't help but smile at her. "Just trouble with my tie," he lied, both liking it when Charlotte fussed over him and unable to admit that he was remembering how Jasper took him over this counter the one time he'd been here.

Charlotte clucked and stepped up to him, her hands going to his tie. "I swear, Peter. How you dress yourself every morning is a mystery to me," she said with an easy smile as she tied his tie for him.

"Clip ons," Peter joked. Feeling a little playful and mischievous, his hands quickly found the pins that held her hair together and plucked them out. Pleased, he watched her hair fall about her shoulders.

Like Peter, Charlotte was constantly playing a game. As a woman in a man's world, she had to be tougher than nails on the outside, exuding an air of confidence that would negate all the doubt and predisposition of the men who would treat her as an object; a plaything that belonged at home or in a less demanding job. She and Peter were good together because he understood, and with him she could let her hair down, so to speak. She could be a little vulnerable and soft.

Peter did for Charlotte what Jasper did for Peter.

"Brat," Charlotte teased, smacking Peter's arm. She leaned in, her high heel shoes giving her a height she didn't normally have and allowing her to put her lips to his ear. "We don't have time to mess around tonight. We're running late as it is."

With his hands at her tiny waist, Peter lifted Charlotte onto the counter. She giggled, looking and sounding much more like a girl – with her hair wild and her feet kicking against the counter – than a self-assured, twenty-nine year old woman. "How late is fashionably late?" he asked, kissing her cheek so as not to mess up her lipstick.

"You're speaking, Peter. You can't be fashionably late," she reminded, rubbing his back lightly.

"Right, right. Of course you're right," he sighed, lifting her and setting her back on the ground. He pretended to frown at her. "Your hair isn't even done!"

She smacked him again. "Brat," she murmured before turning to the mirror to redo her hair.

Watching her that night, Peter couldn't help but feel he was at a precipice. At some point soon, if he wanted the second half of the life he'd been working for – the family he could provide for and spoil – he would have to settle down. Charlotte was a good match for him – he knew that. She wasn't an empty minded twit like the girls some of the other guys in his company brought around. She was intelligent, with a variety of interests that matched his. She had implied more than once that if he wanted to make this permanent, she was open to that.

Of course, that would mean an end to his weekends with Jasper.

Peter was surprised how that thought made his throat constrict. He tugged at his tie unconsciously, trying to loosen the pressure .

Later that night, Peter ran into yet another frustration to add to his list.

It seemed that, no matter how provocative Charlotte was, with her perky little breasts and her breathy moans as his tongue coaxed her to orgasm, nothing could call Peter's soldier to duty.

He was getting frustrated because Charlotte knew him well enough that if he didn't have sex with her, she would be suspicious. Of course, this frustration only made things worse.

Feeling crappy about it, Peter let the memories of his weekends with Jasper flood back to him, remembering one time in particular when the singer had been in a playful mood. He'd demanded that Peter call him Major Whitlock and barked orders at him all weekend long. How he'd called him Private Peter without laughing was a feat Peter couldn't fathom. Peter found himself smiling fondly against Charlotte's thigh at the memory of Jasper's gruff, military voice.

Even remembering how amused and turned on he was at the time, Peter still couldn't maintain an erection. Charlotte's very feminine words and whimpers threw him off. There was no mistaking it - he wanted Jasper.

As Charlotte came down from her orgasm, Peter stood up quickly, before she could recover and try to reciprocate. The good thing about Charlotte was that she didn't question when Peter muttered an excuse about having to make a work phone call before they could continue their fun. He hesitated a moment before grabbing both his phone and hers and retreating to her large bathroom.

Peter sat on the edge of Charlotte's tub, twirling her phone in his hand restlessly. He forced himself to take a good look in the mirror and acknowledge what he was about to do.  _This is a total chick move,_ he told himself inwardly - calling from a different line because he was sure that Jasper avoided at least some of his calls on purpose.

That knowledge wasn't enough to stop him. He dialed and waited as Jasper's jaunty ring-back tone sang in his ear.

"Hello?"

It was amazing how the instantaneously Peter's mood changed. One moment he was hunkering down - shoulders slumped as he cursed his neediness, then he heard Jasper's voice and he was all smiles. He sat up a little straighter - automatically happy and excited. "Jazz?"

There was a pause. "Hold on," Jasper whispered. There was rustling and Peter realized belatedly that Jasper would have been in bed - with Edward.

He comforted himself with the fact that it sounded as if he'd woken Jasper up.

After the sound of a door opening and closing, Jasper spoke again. "Peter. I didn't recognize this number. What's going on darl?"

There was something about Jasper's tone that made Peter's heart clench. He sounded happy to hear from him, but there was an edge to that happiness. It made Peter wonder if Jasper truly wouldn't have answered the phone if it had been his number on the screen.

"Hey, baby," Peter responded, the endearment slipping out naturally. A plan occurred to him and he pushed his nervousness aside, putting on the self-assured voice he used with his clients. "I was just thinking about you."

Jasper must have caught the cockiness in his voice because Peter could almost hear the smirk on his face when he responded. "Is that a fact?"

"Mmm," Peter assented. "I was thinking of your hot, thick cock and how good it feels in my hands." He heard Jasper's sharp intake of breath and grinned with the satisfaction that he had definitely caught the other man by surprise. He took that as a sign to continue. "Would you like that? Hmm? Do you like how you fill both of my hands when I stroke you? Or do you prefer it when I use my tongue? You taste so good when I lick your length."

"Well, now," Jasper drawled in a low, raspy voice, "If you were using your tongue, your mouth would be full and you wouldn't be talking so g'damn much. Why don't you come up here and give me a kiss. Mmm, you feel that darl? You feel my tongue in your mouth and my hands in your hair?"

Unconsciously, Peter's tongue had darted out and he licked his lips while his free hand went to his hair. He tugged, just like he knew Jasper would, and he was harder than he'd been all night almost instantly. "I feel you Jasper," he murmured. "Can't you tell by how my hands are moving on you? Hmm? The way I grip you firmly at the base and move up your shaft to your tip? You know that little pearl of pre-come that's right at the top? Can you feel me press my thumb against it and spread it all around? Circles, baby."

Jasper gave a little moan and Peter knew he was following his actions, just as he'd hoped. "Fuck, Peter."

So Peter talked Jasper through exactly how his hands would move. Exactly how fast. How hard. When he would touch the other man's balls and when he would cup them fully. How, as his hands worked Jasper faster, he would lick right down his neck. Yeah, he would tilt Jasper's head to the side so he could kiss him right where his neck met his shoulders and he would bite him right there. Then, as his hands moved faster, firmer, her would bite down on his shoulder.

"Jesus! Peter. Fuck!" Jasper cried into his ear as he came, and Peter imagined that he could feel the sticky liquid against his stomach. He allowed himself a groan at the thought.

Jasper was breathing hard and Peter grinned. "Come see me, Jasper. I miss you," he said before he thought about it.

Jasper didn't answer right away, but his breath hitched slightly. "Now - that's not playing fair, asking after all that."

"Did it work?"

Another pause and Jasper sighed. "Yeah, darl. I'll come see you. Tuesday, alright?"

Peter couldn't suppress the downright giddiness he felt. "Yeah. Sure. Of course. Anytime you want."

"Goodnight, Peter," Jasper said quietly.

"Night."

Elated, and still rock hard from his phone session with Jasper, Peter returned to Charlotte's bedroom. He quickly put his mouth to hers, swallowing any conversation with his lips as his cock found her entrance and he burried himself in her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: That was a whole lotta plot with a smattering of sexing. I hope y'all don't mind.
> 
> I have a rec for you. It's canon, but it has delightfully slashy overtones. THIS is one of the most motherfucking brilliant fics I have seen in my entire life. If you're not reading it - you should be. It's angsty. It's hysterical. The Jasper is just...well...at one point he has sex with you. WITH. YOU. And it works...and it's motherfucking hot... and omg. This is just one of those fics that is so brilliant you literally hop around the room because you cannot stand that it's so good, or I do anyway: Twinned - find it on my faves or do this: s/5960142/1/Twinned. She also has an Emmett o/s called Carrying Rosalie's Bags that's up for voting in the Emmett contest. Read. Vote. It's SO good.
> 
> Thanks to jadedandboring for betawork. I love you hard. Unf. Unf.
> 
> Let me know what we think about all this plot being thrown around.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, my. You guys kind of surprised me in your reaction to Peter. I'm not saying what he did was right, but dang! :) PS - I SO did not mean for a month to go by between updates. My Eclipse haze made it hard to write slash for a little while. GAWD they were so cute. Edward and Bella AND Alice and Jasper.
> 
> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created them. I'm just playing with them.

Jasper sat in his car just around the corner from Peter's house again, trying to calm his nerves. It was different from the last time he'd come here. What he'd felt then was more along the lines of a besotted kid on a first date.

Rosalie's voice kept up a constant string of internal chatter listing all the reasons why this was a bad idea. He sighed to himself, telling her that he wasn't going to confuse his maybe-feelings for Peter with what they were doing. He'd have a good time, get some good sex, maybe a nice blow job, and that would be that.

 _Right,_ Rosalie's voice scoffed at him,  _you came forty minutes for a blow job when there is a ready, willing, beautiful boy already in your bed._

Rumbling with irritation, Jasper hit his forehead on his steering wheel a couple of times, trying to knock some sense into himself. It would be wise, he knew, to drive away now. It would be wise if he was honest with Peter about the fact that his feelings had changed before anything physical happened. He should be honest with himself that he wasn't entirely certain that he could separate his feelings from his actions when it came to Peter.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered to himself. He was remembering the longing in Peter's voice.  _"Come see me, Jasper. I miss you."_ He remembered the thrill that had gone through his body when Peter called him baby.

And Jasper could not deny that he missed Peter. Terribly, in fact. Edward had commented on his foul mood more than once in the past few weeks when Jasper got particularly snippy or sullen.

He would go to Peter...and he would tell him. That was the trade-off, he decided. He would give in to his urgings but he would have to be fair about it.

Feeling both better and worse about this decision, Jasper started his car and pulled into Peter's driveway.

If there had been any doubt that Peter missed Jasper, it was quickly dispelled when he pulled the younger man through his doorway and shoved him up against the nearest wall. Slamming the door closed with one foot, Peter wasted no time in kissing Jasper. It was a full bodied kiss. Jasper's mouth opened instantly, letting Peter inside of him in that way as their mouths moved hungrily. The singer's hands went to the older man's neck and then slid up into his hair, pulling him ever closer. Peter was leaning completely into Jasper, pinning him hard against the wall, chest to chest; his hands running up and down the other man's sides as if rememorizing.

They parted and they were both panting. Jasper's hands settled on Peter's shoulders and Peter's at Jasper's waist. Their foreheads were touching. "God. I missed you, Jasper," Peter whispered raggedly.

Jasper huffed a little laugh, closing his eyes and grinning as he kissed the other man gently this time. "I can see that," he rumbled against his lips.

Peter laughed then and, with a sigh, stepped away from Jasper. He tugged the other man's arm lightly. "Come on. I made us lunch."

Lunch turned out to be fairly elaborate. Peter had decked out his balcony to look like a nice restaurant. There was a table cloth on the patio table and even a vase with a carnation in the center. And wine. Peter blushed a little as he poured them each a glass because he didn't know if Jasper even liked wine.

Though he was touched and thrilled at the gesture, part of Jasper wondered if Peter was going out of his way to show him a good time to ensure he wouldn't miss being taken out for real. Peter's home had a gorgeous view of the river though, and Jasper dispelled those thoughts quickly enough as the businessman sat across from him, running his socked foot up the younger man's leg as they ate.

After lunch, Peter led Jasper to his bedroom and had him kneel in the center of the bed. He knocked Jasper's hands away when the singer tried to touch and squeeze and make Peter feel good. Moving slow and teasing Jasper with tiny kisses, Peter started removing the other man's clothing.

He ran his hands through Jasper's hair and murmured discontentedly that he shouldn't have cut it; Peter liked it long. Before Jasper could get irritated at that comment, the older man pulled his blue shirt over his head. "Lay down," he commanded into the younger man's ear.

It wasn't often that Peter took control, and Jasper couldn't help the excitement that stirred in him. He was curious about what Peter had up his sleeves. He leaned in, kissing Peter once thoroughly before falling forward onto his stomach.

Peter trailed the pads of his fingers down Jasper's spine, smiling when the other man shivered with the sensation. He moved all the way down the backs of Jasper's jean clad legs and removed one, then the other shoe. He pulled Jasper's jeans and boxer shorts down and off.

For a moment, Peter just looked down, admiring the cut of the other man's body. His shoulders rose and fell with his breath. His head was tilted to the side, his full lips pursed with anticipation. He looked and felt so good; Peter wanted him. But he wanted to give him something first. A token; a gesture of appreciation.

Then, Peter got to work. He moved his hands back up and wordlessly started to massage Jasper's shoulders.

Jasper let out a strangled whimper that made Peter bite his lip.

It was the very definition of pleasurable pain. Peter's fingers, as they manipulated Jasper's tense muscles, were strong and firm. He kneaded; his touch sensual despite the lovely ache as his hands moved across Jasper's skin. The other man moaned as his muscles loosened and Peter found himself grinning; pleased that he could bring this sort of pleasure to a man who really made him very happy.

"Holy hell, Peter. I didn't know you knew how to do this," Jasper murmured, his face turned to the side on the soft bedspread.

Peter chuckled, moving his hands to either side of Jasper's neck and rubbing in firm circles with the pads of his fingers; his thumbs behind Jasper's ears. "I didn't really know until recently," he admitted. "A couple of weeks ago, the company went to a retreat and they offered these spa treatments as one of the perks," he explained.

He moved his fingers to Jasper's shoulders, spreading his hands across the width of the blades. Jasper groaned as Peter found knot after knot, rubbing them away as he spoke. "I thought about you, actually. I thought about how you'd probably have loved it."

"Oh?" Jasper asked carefully, surprised that Peter would connect him with his work in any way.

A little entranced by how his hands moved over and down Jasper's strong back, his fingers finding the grooves of his defined muscles, Peter hummed his assent. "It's nice. Pure relaxation - you know? They know how to make your body feel good in a totally non sexual way."

As Peter's hands moved to his lower back, Jasper couldn't help but feel that the other man was getting the non-sexual part of this encounter wrong. This felt intimate, and the air around them was charged with want. Not lust, but need. It was growing in the pit of his belly - simmering.

Another short laugh as Peter struggled with the same emotion. He wanted to finish what he started before he thought about his own pleasure. "The girl who did this for me - she was a tiny little thing. She had the daintiest hands...but the strength of the burliest weight lifter when she was doing her thing."

His hands moved down, spreading over the gentle swell of Jasper's ass and he swallowed hard as his fingers found the muscles under the pleasingly rounded skin. Unable to ignore the change in the atmosphere any longer, Peter leaned down so his lips were close to Jasper's ear now. "She walked on my back - I think we might have to skip that part."

A shiver coursed through Jasper's body when he felt Peter's breath against his bare neck.  _This haircut can't be all that bad._ He laughed, a little belatedly when Peter's words finally sunk in; his brain processing words just a few seconds behind. "That sounds like a fine idea. I'd be mighty upset to find myself paralyzed. There are a great many things I like to do with what's below my waist."

Peter kissed across the length of Jasper's shoulder blades to his other ear. "That makes two of us, baby."

Again, Jasper felt a little thrill go through him at the use of the term and he warred with himself briefly. All of this was so unexpected. The two of them had always been good to each other, but only in a reciprocal manner. This was above and beyond. Surely this wasn't something you'd do for a casual fuck. Right?

Jasper knew that admitting his feelings for Peter would scare the closeted businessman. If Peter could come to see him in the same way on his own - well, maybe it could work. Jasper was a patient man. He could wait if Peter was acknowledging to himself what he felt.

Feeling Peter kiss the side of his head, Jasper turned so their lips were just a breath apart. He searched the other man's eyes and Peter smiled a gentle, tender smile as he did.

Jasper felt his heart speed and the now-familiar warmth in the center of his chest. He found himself smiling back, and his hand moving with a mind of its own to caress Peter's face with his fingertips. Looking back at him, Peter's gaze never dropped or faltered.

It really wasn't clear to either of them who moved forward that last bit. Either way, in the next second they were kissing. It wasn't the hungry kind of kiss that they had greeted each other with. This kiss was slow, the kind of kiss that that was meant to communicate emotions that were difficult to put into words.

They moved in a kind of synchronicity, not breaking their kiss as Jasper rolled onto his side and Peter laid beside him. They kept kissing, tongues probing gently, as Jasper undid the buttons of Peter's shirt.

The thrilling, new intensity between them remained as Peter kicked out of his pants and tighty-whitey underwear. It only grew as Peter pushed Jasper onto his back and then aligned their bodies so that their cocks rubbed against each other as they continued to make out enthusiastically. It was hard to tell which moan belonged to whom for many minutes.

Eventually, their need because too great. Peter stilled over Jasper and the two men stared at each other quietly as Jasper guided himself inside Peter. As they both moved, their eyes were open. For once, Peter was quiet, save for the quiet whimpers of pleasure.

It felt, to Jasper, more like making love. For the rest of the day, as they had each other several times over, the electric feeling between them didn't dissipate.

All too soon their visit was over and they were both in the foyer saying goodbye.

Jasper looked down at his feet, shifting restlessly. "So, are you coming this Friday?" he asked, careful to keep his tone neutral.

With a chuckle, Peter stepped forward into Jasper's personal space. He ran his hands through the other man's hair, stroking lightly until Jasper looked up. "Oh, I definitely think a lot of coming will be involved in this Friday," he said in a low rumble near Jasper's ear.

Instead of rolling his eyes like he wanted to, Jasper couldn't help but shudder with the pleasure that ran down the length of his spine and straight around to his groin. Then again, that probably had more to do with the fact that after he said it, Peter had taken Jasper's earlobe into his mouth, nibbling and licking it gently while his hands went to his waist, pulling the singer close against him.

"You're a pervert," Jasper murmured as Peter's lips found his.

"Mmm," Peter moaned into his mouth. "Don't pretend you don't like it."

~0~

Peter kept his promise and appeared at The Cherry Pit that Friday. It was strange to Jasper that he didn't feel jealousy when he watched Peter give Edward a kiss. It was, on the contrary, sweet to him.

Entirely different from the kiss Peter pulled Jasper into the moment he jumped off the stage and slid into the booth next to him. That kiss was deep and long and still felt different.

The entire weekend had that feel to it - different.

It was subtle - the differences. It took Jasper a while to figure out that, whenever they were playing with Edward, Peter was quick to wrap his lips around the youngest man's cock. He had to wonder if it was because he'd rather pleasure Edward than watch Jasper do it. The way Peter kissed Edward was always different than the way he kissed Jasper. And he was ... almost clingy, possessive.

If Edward noticed, he didn't let on. He was as enthusiastic as he always was when they were all together. He gave as good as he got.

Jasper was strangely glad when Edward didn't bring up that he'd let the singer take his last virginity. He didn't know what to make of his relief.

While the visit was not bad in the slightest, the differences left Jasper feeling just a touch off. Confused.

It didn't help that on Monday evening, when Edward and Jasper crawled into bed, they found themselves in much the same position that Jasper and Peter had found themselves in last Tuesday afternoon. As he thrust up into Edward and the younger man looked down at him with pleasure and tenderness in his eyes, Jasper realized that he felt... something for Edward. There was a certain amount of adoration between them that he couldn't quite name. It wasn't like what he felt for Peter, but it wasn't  _entirely_ different either.

It didn't  _really_ feel like cheating, but it no longer felt like uncomplicated fun anymore.

In fact, it felt very, very complicated. Heavy.

Jasper found that heavy left him feeling disconcerted.

Some logical part of him was nagging that he needed to be honest with everyone. Peter needed to know his feelings had changed. Edward deserved to know what he felt for Peter, or at the very least they should have talked again; they should have made sure they were still on the same page.

But he knew that Peter needed to take baby steps if anything were going to happen between them. He knew that, technically, nothing had changed. There was no relationship between himself and Peter, himself and Edward or the three of them together besides friendship and fuckbuddies.

Despite the fact that he wanted something more with Peter, Jasper found that he wanted to continue to help Edward explore his new found sexuality as well. He felt a responsibility toward the younger man. Responsibility and a lot of tenderness...and a sense of awe that Edward trusted him with so, so much of himself.

Peter was strangely silent that week. After the few weeks of almost constant texting, Jasper found himself checking his phone far too often. He did receive a text message on Thursday morning that Peter wouldn't be coming that Friday.

That was it. No asking Jasper to come to Austin instead. No alternate plans. No baby.

He tried his hardest not to think about it one way or another.

On Friday morning he was awaken by the most delicious sensations. There were long, graceful fingers running down his chest and lips against the back of his neck. There was a warm body pressed against his back and long legs tangling with his.

Jasper moaned as he climbed through the fog toward complete wakefulness. Edward's lips, he realized, were falling randomly across his neck and shoulders. Edward's fingers were skimming down his stomach and to his inner thigh, circling there, titillating.

In the silent sleepiness of early morning, they didn't talk. Jasper reached behind him, trailing his fingers over Edward's sides. Edward's answering shudder of pleasure was hot against the skin of the singer's quickly overheating skin. The younger man's hard on was full and hot against Jasper's back.

When Jasper heard the familiar snap of the bottle of lube opening, he groaned in anticipation. Edward kissed his shoulders, licking and sucking lightly, as his now slick fingers circled around Jasper's entrance.

They both sighed contentedly when Edward was inside him. As they found an easy, lazy morning rhythm, Edward's hands began to stroke Jasper's cock in time with his thrusts. Jasper found that he was very appreciative of the fact that the bronze-haired man was so talented at doing multiple things at once. He let one of his hands reach behind him to squeeze and touch Edward's side and ass while the other hand helped Edward at his cock.

Soon they were both panting and making little mewling sounds in the back of their throats. Jasper whispered, "Yeah, darl. Just there," and Edward growled, "Fuck, you feel so good," and that was the extent of he conversation between them. Jasper came first, his spunk shooting out over both their hands. Edward was not far behind him, losing himself deep inside Jasper with his teeth digging in slightly to the other man's shoulder as came.

Catching their breath, Jasper rolled more onto his back so he could look at Edward and kiss him properly with thanks.

"You're good to me, you know that?"

Edward smiled softly. "I have ulterior motives," he said, waggling his eyebrows comically.

"Is that a fact?" Jasper asked lazily, amused. "Well, I'm feeling mighty agreeable just about now. What do you want?"

An oddly excited look passed over Edward's face and he rolled away. The cool morning air hit Jasper's damp skin making him shiver and frown at the loss of contact. Edward was back in just a second though. He wrapped his arm around the singer's waist, holding up a newspaper in front of them as he pressed his chest against Jasper's back.

"Look, you get out of work early today, right? I was thinking, maybe we could head out to Austin. We can just hang around a little, and have some dinner, then I'd really like to go to this exhibit," he pointed at an article in the paper.

Jasper's eyes flitted over the text. He blinked a few times, having not expected that. Carefully, he rolled over so he was facing Edward. "You mean like…a date?" he asked, unsure of how he felt about that.

Edward blinked, furrowing his eyebrows. "I didn't really think about it like that." He unwrapped himself from around Jasper, scooting back and laying his head on his folded hands on the pillow, studying the other man's face. "I wasn't trying to put any kind of significance on it. I just want to go out and … share this experience with you," he said carefully.

With a sigh, Jasper let his eyes close briefly, and then he gave a small chuckle, laughing at himself. "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit muddled as to what's what lately," he offered, looking down as he reached forward to trace aimless circles against Edward's chest.

Edward studied him for another long moment, his eyes kind and slightly hesitant. "I can understand that. You have me in your bed and Peter giving you all sorts of mixed signals."

Jasper's eyebrows shot up. "What?" he asked, shocked.

Pursing his lips contemplatively, Edward took in the shock - and slight guilt - on Jasper's face. "Just a guess. You've seen Peter in Austin, haven't you?"

"How did you know that?" Jasper asked, still reeling a little bit.

Edward smiled. "You don't ever stay out late unless you're with the band. And you've never not told me what you were doing, even when I didn't ask," he chuckled. "Typically speaking, you don't have secrets. But... a couple of days, you came home late and seemed distracted...and you were vague about where you had been." Then he really grinned. "And you smelled like Peter's cologne."

Under Edward's amused stare, Jasper felt his cheeks get hot. He opened his mouth, for once at a loss as to what to say.

Edward rolled his eyes. "Jasper, it's okay. I'm not your boyfriend, and I'm more than aware of that."

Jasper huffed. "Guess that's a good thing. Seems like I'm not good at sneaking around," he mumbled distractedly.

"I'm a little hurt that you didn't tell me about it." When Jasper looked up at Edward sharply the younger man hurried to clarify. "Just because, I think that it must be confusing, and it would be good to talk to someone."

As he let his hands roam up to stroke the skin at Edward's neck, Jasper couldn't deny the truth in his words. "To be fair, I didn't tell anyone. I mean, do you know how fast Rose would kick my ass if she knew what I was doing with Peter? I guess that should have been my first clue that it was a stupid thing to do."

"I don't know," Edward shrugged slightly. "Life is full of stupid things. Like going home with two complete strangers or taking in a guy who just might kill you in your sleep," he said quietly with a twinkle in his eye.

And Jasper had to laugh, because Edward was right. Most of what you did in life didn't make sense in some way or another.

Feeling a lot better, Jasper was quick to agree to Edward's request. That evening found them in Austin. They had dinner, Jasper trying not to think about how he'd wanted to go out with Peter weeks ago, and then argued good-naturedly over the directions to the gallery.

As they walked into the gallery, Edward reached over, threading his fingers through Jasper's as he pulled the other man over to a piece that attracted his attention. When he didn't immediately let go Jasper looked down at their joined hands and then back up at his companion, quirking an eyebrow questioningly but smiling.

Edward bowed his head slightly, seeming shy. "Is this okay?" he asked quietly. "I mean, I don't want to step on your toes or cockblock any potential date candidates," he said sincerely.

With a small laugh, Jasper squeezed Edward's fingers. "I don't think I should be looking for anyone in particular right now."

"Why not?" Edward asked curiously, leading them to the next piece.

Jasper sighed, his eyes pretending to study the beautiful work in front of him but really seeing nothing. "It's beginning to become really apparent to me that I'm a little out of sorts, darl. I'm not really good to anyone just now," he answered truthfully, if a little rueful.

"We're not talking about commitments, Jasper," Edward said, bringing his free hand up to stroke the other man's cheek tenderly. "You should be out there meeting people. You're too much of a treasure to keep under wraps."

Completely stunned, Jasper opened his mouth to reply when he heard an all too familiar, deep laugh.

The laugh automatically had him grinning as he turned around. Sure enough, there was Peter, grinning as he looked at the artwork right next to where the other two men were standing.

But Jasper's grin fell as Peter turned. His arm was wrapped around a beautiful woman's waist. She was Charlotte, she had to be, Jasper realized. Whatever he was about to say came out as a "Hey," that was part greeting and part a chicken with its neck being wrung's squawk.

Peter's eyes, as he realized that Jasper was there, all but bugged out of their head as his smile became nonexistent. His shocked expression turned into a glare that surprised Jasper so much that he stepped back instinctively.

For one, two, three seconds, the air around the four seemed to constrict and the tension was palpable. Then, Peter's nose seemed to flare and he turned around, walking away with sharp, stiff steps and and taking Charlotte with him. Charlotte glanced over their shoulders, curious and back at Peter.

The pair was still in earshot as Charlotte spoke softly to Peter. "Did you know them?"

Peter scoffed. "Come on Charlotte," he hissed, "Why would I know a pair of fags?"

In his peripheral vision, Edward saw Jasper go absolutely rigid and heard as he sucked in a sharp breath. Watching Peter's back as he retreated at a too quick pace, Edward's eyes narrowed. He took a step forward, not entirely sure what his plan was but knowing that he had some choice words for the dapper businessman. Jasper's hand shot out, grabbing his arm and keeping him from going after Peter. When Edward turned to look at him he saw that Jasper was still facing forward, staring at the painting in front of him without seeing it. The muscles of his jaw were taut and his eyes were a blank mask.

Instantly, Edward's manner shifted. He pushed his anger at Peter aside and moved so he could put his arm around his friend's waist, drawing him close. "Jasper," he started to say, but then trailed off because he knew very well that Jasper was not okay.

"Are you done here?" Jasper asked in a flat, numb tone. His lips hardly moved as he spoke, making the words come out mumbled. "I want to go home."

"Yeah," Edward said quickly, rubbing Jasper's back as he turned them and started walking for the exit. He was relieved that Jasper wasn't shaking him off, but he didn't move to put his arm around him either.

They walked quickly and Edward was surprised when Jasper broke away from him to move to the passenger side when they got to the car. He chose not to comment, taking the keys that Jasper held out and buckling himself into the driver's seat.

Edward tried to give Jasper space, even in the confines of the cramped vehicle. Still, he wasn't oblivious to the other man's distress. He didn't miss the way Jasper's arms were crossed tightly. He didn't miss the way Jasper stared out the window, careful not to look anywhere but the passing lights of the city. He certainly didn't miss the way the singer bit down hard enough on his lip that Edward almost told him to stop. He was going to gnaw a hole straight through

Most of all, Edward tried to ignore it when Jasper's phone started vibrating. Repeatedly.

Then, about fifteen minutes away from home Jasper started laughing. It was a raw, painful laugh that automatically made Edward's heart clench. Glancing over quickly, Edward saw that Jasper had his phone in his hand and was staring at the screen. He wiped furiously at his eyes with his free hand and Edward guessed that he was quickly losing the battle against the tears he'd been fighting since they'd left the gallery.

"He's sorry. He didn't mean it," Jasper spat in a scathing tone. A hard expression came over his normally smiling face as Jasper typed something into his phone with an out of character aggressiveness. Done with that, he turned the phone off and tossed it into the cup holder with a force that made Edward wince.

"I'm an idiot," he muttered to no one in particular.

"You're not an idiot," Edward said instantly, putting his hand on Jasper's knee.

"Oh, I  _am_  an idiot," Jasper growled. He laughed that hard laugh again. "You know – no one besides my father has ever made me feel so fucking…ugly. So wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with you," Edward said fervently. "And you're not ugly. He is. That- that was just ugly."

"I know that," Jasper said quietly. "That's what makes me stupid. I'm just the idiot who fell for the homophobic asshole." The last words were choked. Another glance at Jasper showed him with his clenched fist pressed hard against his lips. His face was scrunched. He was trying to control his tears, his anger, and his overwhelming sadness.

Luckily, they were coming up on their exit. Edward drove quickly and as soon as he could he pulled over onto the side of the road. Jasper didn't even register the change. He was completely tensed up - shoulder's hunched against the side of the car; one fist still against his lips and the other balled up at his side.

Edward called his name quietly. When he got no response, he put a hand on his shoulders and shook him gently. When there was still no response he ran his fingers through Jasper's hair, trying to sooth as he tried to figure what would be the right words to say.

Then, Jasper shifted, bringing his fist down slowly onto his lap. He sniffled loudly, the emotion in him too much to contain any longer. When Edward leaned across the console, Jasper almost fell into his arms. He let Edward pull him as close as the console between them would allow. He let his head loll on Edward's shoulder and he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: You must remember that I'm new to the slash world. It continues to amuse me just how condom-conscious slash readers are versus hetero-sex readers. But in all honesty – it doesn't matter who you're having sex with: Condoms = good idea.
> 
> Just as a refresher, the boys did have the whole clean talk the first night they were together. They're all clean. Should they have believed each other? Oh, probably not but I write real life – not ideal life. The fact of the matter is that they did believe each other – hence all the barebackness. DONUT TRY THIS AT HOME. Condoms. Use them. Be smart. Smarter than Edward in particular. He had absolutely no reason to trust Jasper and Peter – but he did. Life happens.
> 
> Oh, and Edward is on the pill. So no tri-babies.
> 
> Speaking of being human and making mistakes – go easy on Peter. We're gonna put him in time out for a couple of chapters to think about what he's done. Probably.
> 
> Don't hold me to that.
> 
> Thank you so much to JosieSwan who has quickly become essential to me. She's helping me out because I want to give my lovely jadedandboring a rest. Love you both.
> 
> Let me know what you thought...I know you can't be happy right now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: SM owns them and me for making them. Thank you, darl.

When Jasper was a boy, maybe about five or six, he had happened across his mother's make up drawer. As most children would be, he was curious about the vivid reds and the powders and the different products he found 'd plopped his happy little self down in her chair and started to explore all the pretty colors, mimicking the way he'd seen his mother paint her face in the mornings. It had nothing to do with preferences he would have later in life. As a young man he had no urge to wear make up or dresses or any of that. At five or six, it was nothing more than another curiosity.

His father had found him and stripped his rear end black and blue with his belt.

Over the years, Jasper grew to understand that being anything other than a red-blooded man who craved pussy was not acceptable to his father. Not only was it unacceptable; it was wrong. Heinous. Bad.

It was a lesson he was taught over and over after his hormones kicked in.

But despite how hard he tried, girls just didn't interest Jasper Whitlock. Even though it wracked him with guilt and shame, he just couldn't help that his eyes always wandered away from the cheerleaders to the football team. Or the quiet band geeks. Or the easy-going guys on the school newspaper.

When he was eighteen, Jasper's buddies had been particularly fond of a gorgeous trio of sisters. Tanya and Irina were lowerclassmen but Kate was in their class. Kate was perfect in every way, and Jasper tried really hard to find the attraction the other guys saw so easily.

He felt nothing.

At least, not for her. What did make his breath catch and his heart sort of pitter-patter was her boyfriend - Garrett.

It was Garrett who Jasper was kissing in his room, on his bed, with their legs all tangled together and obvious bulges in their jeans, when Jasper's father walked in on them.

As his father beat him bloody, Jasper did absolutely nothing to stop him. He felt that he deserved every punch, every kick. His father was right and he was wrong. And he was sorry; he'd try harder.

His father hadn't listened. He'd dragged him, bleeding and beaten, to the door and kicked him out of the house. He told him that he wasn't going to let his daughter be raised around that kind of filth and he told him never to come back.

Jasper had sat for a long time on the lawn, completely lost and bewildered, waiting for the door to open again. It did, revealing his tearful mother. For a moment he allowed himself to hope. But then he noticed his mother wasn't looking at him.

She went to him, knelt at his side and hugged him fiercely. Despite the fact that it hurt like hell because he was so battered, he'd squeezed her back just as tightly.

Then she put a roll of bills in his hands. She whispered, "I'm sorry," and then she'd gone inside, shutting the door. A second later, his sister was pulled from the window where her little face had briefly appeared.

Eventually, Jasper had dragged himself to his feet and just started walking - at a loss for what to do. The bills his mother put in his hands turned out to be hundreds. Ten of them to be exact.

A thousand dollars didn't last very long when you had nothing but your driver's license and the bloodied clothes on your back.

That first night, Jasper stopped walking when he got to town and checked into a hotel. Feeling completely numb, he'd walked into the store across the street, ignoring the stares of the workers and the customers. He'd purchased a change of clothes and trudged back to his room. He'd stripped and stood under the spray in the shower, his head down, watching the pink-tinged water swirl around the drain as it washed the blood away.

He tried to think but he couldn't. He was entirely desolate.

A thousand dollars got him from Houston to Austin by bus. It paid for a few meals and a few rooms.

Then it ran out.

Jasper still wasn't to the point where he could really think. His mind was numb and cloudy most of the time. He was sitting across the street from a bar, staring listlessly at the few dollars he had left. He was sitting there when Emmett McCarty pulled up to the bar to meet a few friends, and he was still sitting there when Emmett left the bar a few hours later.

Emmett had noticed the kid when he entered. He'd thought about going over to him - seeing what was wrong. But, a lot of people didn't take kindly to someone prying into their business. However, when it was passed midnight o'clock and the kid hadn't moved, well, the way Emmett saw it, he didn't have much of a choice but to find out what was going on.

So, Emmett wandered over and introduced himself and asked if Jasper was okay. Jasper shook his head. Then Emmett asked if there was anyone he needed to call or if he needed a ride. Jasper muttered that there was no one and he had no where to go.

Then, Emmett told him to get up because he obviously needed a drink, a greasy hamburger, and a shave and two out of three wasn't bad.

Jasper eyed the bar that Emmett was gesturing at and numbly mumbled that he was eighteen.

Emmett just laughed and told him that as long as he wasn't any trouble, the Cherry Pit was just not the kind of place where people asked unnecessary questions.

That was when Jasper knew he was going to tell Emmett his story. Emmett was a lot broader than he was, built where Jasper was scrawny, and he knew that the giant's gentleness would likely fade when he understood that Jasper was...wrong. He knew that Emmett could beat the hell out of him.

At that point, Jasper would have welcomed that reaction. At least it was familiar.

Of course, Emmett didn't get angry. At least, not at Jasper. He did say that if there was anyone wrong in the situation, it would most definitely be Jasper's father. He said that if anyone deserved a good pop to the face it was most definitely the kind of bastard that would do something like that to his own son. For what? Because his son wanted to kiss boys? "That's just fucked up shades of stupid," Emmett had said.

Looking and sounding much younger than his eighteen years, Jasper had blinked at Emmett and asked him, "You don't think it's wrong?"

Emmett had laughed and told Jasper to look around him. Now that the numbness was beginning to wear off, Jasper could see that the other patrons of the bar were a wide and varied sort. There were girls and girls, boys and boys, and girls and boys all laughing, chatting and kissing on each other. He didn't know what to feel.

Emmett said he liked kissing girls - one girl in particular whose name was Rosalie and who was probably fast asleep in his bed. He said that as long as no one else was kissing Rosalie, he really couldn't figure why he should be bothered at who other people chose to kiss. That, he said, seemed pointless. Plenty of other things in life to worry about - why worry about  _that_?

Jasper was mystified. The possibility that his father was full of shit just hadn't occurred to him. Not only that but Emmett was so nonchalant about that. His father hadn't ever hit him when he broke curfew or got a bad grade. In Jasper's house there was nothing worse than being, well, less than what a man was supposed to be.

It took Emmett the better part of a year to really convince Jasper that there was nothing wrong with him. Emmett was no professional. He was an easy going guy whose own parents had taught him to do the right thing. So, he took Jasper in. He took him to self defense courses to assure himself that the kid would never be beaten that way again. He took him to boxing classes at the gym because, in Emmett's experience, hitting something was the best way to get all the negative stuff out of you. . He taught him how to lift weights and keep himself healthy - taking Jasper from a bony, gangly kid to a fit, somewhat muscular man.

As it turned out, Emmett was exactly what Jasper needed. The love Emmett had for his adopted brother was pure and unconditional - regardless of who Jasper wanted to kiss.

In addition to Emmett, Jasper had also gained a sister figure in Rosalie. It was a little bittersweet, because he missed his own little sister like crazy. But Rosalie was better than Emmett with words, when Jasper needed them. Having a big sister, Jasper had long ago decided, was not at all unpleasant.

But Peter's ugly words and the way he'd all but dragged Charlotte away from them - the way his father had dragged his sister from the window, as if even looking at Jasper would taint her - had put Jasper right back where he had been outside the Cherry Pit the night Emmett found him. He felt wrong and numb. He felt ugly and bad.

In that way, it seemed almost fitting that Jasper had ended up at Emmett and Rosalie's that night. Edward had known he needed the support. At first, Jasper had been reluctant when he figured out that Edward had driven them there instead of to his apartment. He was ashamed to tell Rosalie that he'd done exactly what she told him not. However, when Rosalie came out of the house and saw the Jasper's bloodshot eyes, the words  _I told you so_ were the farthest from her mind.

Rosalie had led Jasper to his old bedroom where they could lay and talk face to face. He told her about Peter's calls and texts. He told her about the possessiveness and shades of jealousy he'd shown towards Edward since the very beginning. He told her about meeting in Austin and how Peter was different, especially the last time – the tenderness that had been there.

He told her that he had wanted to hope. He'd wanted to hope so badly that he'd accidentally actually started to hope that, with patience, he could have a life with Peter. Hadn't he told himself over and over that he'd never do that again – never wish and hope for something that might never come?

Peter made it easy to hope sometimes.

Jasper showed Rosalie the texts that Peter had been sending to his phone since about twenty minutes after they'd left the gallery.

He didn't mean it. He'd panicked and over-corrected. He was sorry. So sorry.

Peter had always said that he couldn't mix the two portions of his life. In that way, Jasper understood what had happened at the gallery. As far as Peter was concerned, his secret could very well destroy all of the dreams and aspirations he'd worked for all of his life. Seeing Jasper and Edward and the gallery while Charlotte was with him – Charlotte who knew all of his friends and who worked in the same business as he did – it must have felt like his whole world was at stake.

Still, there were other ways that Peter could have handled his fear.

It hadn't occurred to Jasper that Peter thought of what they were doing as wrong. Peter knew that the people he worked with would think about it as wrong. That, he said, was why he played the games he did. It was why he pretended - because at the end of the day, he had to fit in with them to be able to work with them. He'd vented to Jasper more than once that he found many of the gay-bashing comments they made distasteful to say the least.

So when Peter had mimicked the words his macho, testosterone filled co-workers and friends often threw around, Jasper had been shocked and hurt. That was the point that he'd understood that Peter thought of himself as very, very wrong. And if Peter thought he was wrong for what he was doing then it only followed that he thought Jasper was wrong.

Especially because Jasper didn't keep it a dirty little secret.

That was what had made Jasper finally start crying. It hurt really badly. The man he'd fallen for, who he had hoped one day could admit his feelings, had made him feel small. And dirty. And wrong. It wasn't the first time Peter had made him feel that way either, though it was considerably worse – having heard those ugly words come out of Peter's mouth. If you loved someone, you didn't make them feel the way Peter made him feel. Peter didn't love him, at least not the right way. He never would. That had all been a delusional fantasy Jasper hadn't meant to let take root in his mind.

He had controlled his tears before they got to Rosalie and Emmett's, but his voice completely lacked inflection as he spoke. He was, Rosalie could see, reverting back to the boy he'd been at 18 – when he'd rather be numb than feel the rejection.

While Rosalie did the best she could to console Jasper, Emmett sat at his table with Edward and sighed. He'd rubbed the back of his neck restlessly and told Edward a little about how he'd met the singer. He told him about a time when Jasper wasn't as sure of himself as he seemed now. He said that he was glad Rosalie was around because he loved Jasper like a brother and hated to see him hurting, but this was so out of his zone. There wasn't a lot that got to Emmett. He took most things in stride. He hadn't fallen in and out of love like a lot of people. He'd had fun until he'd met Rosalie. Then he'd fallen in love and that was that.

Course, because he loved so easily and honestly, Emmett did have a few choice words for those who would "fuck with my brother."

From what Emmett could figure, Jasper had a bad habit of finding people who were as lost or as broken as he had been. He was a good man, Emmett said; too good sometimes. He wanted to help people, and that was great except that he often did it to the detriment of himself. He got too tied up in beautiful, wounded souls and he lost himself without quite meaning to.

Edward wondered, briefly, if that was the case with him. He knew he had been lost when Jasper had found him. Edward frowned, wondering for the first time if he was using Jasper. The other man had been nothing but patient. He'd answered all of Edward's questions – stupid as some of them felt to the younger man. He'd let Edward explore his body in full. Jasper had never pushed him to do anything before he was ready.

It disturbed Edward to think he was taking anything away from Jasper. On the contrary, he was almost in awe of the singer. Jasper always knew the right words. When Edward started to question or panic what he was finding out about himself, Jasper always knew how to calm him down and put everything in perspective. He didn't want to be a user. He wanted to help Jasper as much as Jasper helped him.

Edward was so wrapped up in that thought that he almost missed what Emmett was muttering.

"…can't be worse than the whole thing with Alec. Though I can probably punch Peter if I need to," Emmett said distractedly.

"What?" Edward asked, shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "What? All I'm saying is if that gay-bashing asshole messes with Jasper ag-"

"No," Edward interrupted. "What did Alec do to Jasper?"

Emmett looked surprised. "You mean he hasn't told you?"

Feeling a little embarrassed, Edward shook his head. Emmett sighed, looking guilty because he hadn't meant to spill any type of secret. "Well, I don't think I should tell you everything. I mean, that's something you should hear from Jasper, ya know?"

Edward nodded his agreement and sighed in regret. That was why he'd texted Rosalie and Emmett almost immediately after they'd left the gallery. He knew he wasn't equipped to help Jasper, because the bottom line was he didn't really know the other man. They were friends, but their relationship hadn't really left the bedroom. They knew bits and pieces of each others lives. Rosalie and Emmett knew everything.

That thought was still weighing heavily on him when Rosalie came to sit with them. She said that Jasper had fallen asleep. She said he was okay. Heartbroken, of course, but not devastated. Not like with Al-.

And then she cut off, looking at Edward.

"Not like with Alec?" He finished for her.

Rosalie scoffed. "Alec," she muttered the name scathingly, sarcastically. She didn't offered an explanation beyond that.

After they assured him that they knew how to take care of Jasper, Edward went home without him. That felt odd. It felt odd to sleep in Jasper's bed alone in Jasper's apartment.

Edward thought a lot that night, and the few nights afterward that Jasper stayed with Rosalie and Emmett. He thought about how he wanted to be Jasper's friend – properly. Despite how many times the other man assured him that he just needed to be with Rosalie and Emmett for a bit, Edward couldn't help but think it was the fact that Jasper needed distance from any boys sharing his bed that kept him away from his own apartment. As Edward had told him before, he imagined that between Peter constantly calling him and having Edward in his bed, Jasper had every reason to feel confused and conflicted.

Their situation had moved from easy and uncomplicated to really fucking complicated very quickly.

What he knew more than anything was that he didn't want to be like Peter. Edward knew enough about Peter to understand that the businessman cared about Jasper. He didn't know if he loved him, maybe he did, but he definitely cared for him. He knew that Peter's reaction was driven out of fear and Edward knew he didn't want to live that way – in fear of himself.

To that end, he knew it was time to settle a few loose ends.

He knew that it was time to go back to Chicago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry about the length of this chapter. It's obviously a transition. This really isn't Edward's story – it's Jasper and Peter's. But he's involved. He's something of a catalyst for these two boys, isn't he? Ah, Edward.
> 
> Anyway. Thank you so much to jadedandboring for superspeed beta. I honestly didn't mean to end the chapter. This part of the story kind of told itself in a completely different way than I had expected it to. Ah.
> 
> OH. OH. But it's perfect timing. Ms. Ambrosia just finished the banner that I purchased from the FGB auction. It's SO pretty. It's in my profile. Have a gander. LOVE. LOOOOOVE.
> 
> Let me hear from you.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Omai...
> 
> Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns my soul! Well, not really, but she did create these kids and I do adore her for it.

It was a week before Jasper came home to his apartment. During that time, Edward felt entirely helpless. He didn't have the tools or background he needed to be of much comfort to Jasper. He also knew that the other man needed space - something he could not get in his own home because Edward was there.

There was, Edward knew, no reason why their relationship should be so one sided. Jasper had given up his privacy and shared his bed with no complaint so he could be there for Edward whenever he needed. And Edward had appreciated not having to go through such a confusing time alone, but he hadn't realized how useless that made him... as a friend.

That week, Edward set things in motion that would put him on equal footing with Jasper. He needed and wanted them to be friends, at the very least. If he wanted to be honest with himself, he would acknowledge just how easy it would be to want more with Jasper. So far, Edward had told himself that he had too much else to think about, and that was still true. Either way, they needed to be friends first; they needed a relationship outside the bedroom and that meant, among other things, that he would have to actually move  _out_ of Jasper's bedroom.

First, of course, there were his responsibilities in Chicago...

But Edward wasn't thinking of any of that when Jasper came back home. It was very late Friday night, or early Saturday morning, when Edward awoke in Jasper's bed and knew he wasn't alone anymore.

Of course, he'd talked to Jasper briefly all week. It was a little unsettling to see Jasper so out of sorts. Obviously, this whole Peter thing had hit him hard. From what little Jasper told him and what Emmett had said about his past, it had obviously drudged up old issues in Jasper - about his father, and about Alec.

Edward didn't know exactly what was going on in Jasper's head, but he understood what was happening when he felt Jasper's arms wind around him under the covers. He felt the underlying tension and the neediness in the way Jasper coaxed him awake with kisses across his bare shoulders.

He understood that Jasper needed to feel wanted and desirable.

Edward knew that Jasper didn't need to hear the words; he wouldn't believe them with his ears. He needed to be shown on his skin. Sometimes, touch could communicate volumes where words would fail.

So he turned in Jasper's embrace and showed him.

Edward dodged Jasper's insistent lips, pretending to ignore the urgency in the way the singer's hands moved over his back, kneading flesh and pushing. Instead, he started kissing Jasper slowly, right against his ear. He let his kisses say what Jasper needed to know.

 _I adore you_  - as he kissed along Jasper's cheek and across the bridge of his nose; they were soft, tender kisses meant to calm the urgency the other man felt.

 _I'm sorry_ \- these kisses took quite a bit longer because there was much to be sorry for. He kissed along the underside of his chin because he was sorry that Jasper's parents had made him believe it was wrong to want and need these things. There was nothing wrong with this, he said with his lips. It was just an expression of what you feel when you meet a person who is so beautiful, inside and out.

He was sorry about Alec as he nipped lightly at Jasper's neck, smiling to himself as he felt the older man's shoulders slump and relax under his hands. Edward had no idea how things with Alec had ended, but he knew that Jasper had been hurt and for that he was sorry.

As he licked and kissed back up Jasper's neck he was sorry about Peter. He was sorry that Peter's hasty words had made Jasper feel cheap and dirty. Peter had openly adored Jasper - even Edward could see that - but he'd thought that emotion had the power to destroy lives. That's how bad it was. But Edward tried to show him with his lips and his hands moving up to thread through the singer's hair that this emotion had made his life better. It had untangled a knot Edward hadn't even realized was there, and how could he ever thank him for it?

When Edward finally captured Jasper's lips with his own that's what he was saying,  _thank you._ Because Jasper was the kind of person who knew when you were lost or hurting. He knew and though he had been judged over and over, he never judged anyone else. Edward was sure that part of him had already forgiven Peter because though the businessman had made him feel wrong, Jasper would never return that favor. He would say that Peter was flawed and scared and, despite everything, Jasper would understand. With his lips, Edward was saying _I'm sorry if you ever had to make excuses for me; if I used you, I didn't mean to. You aren't meant to be used, only appreciated, always appreciated._

So Edward said thank you because Peter never had.  _Thank you for being so patient_  - as he swept his tongue across Jasper's lower lip.  _Thank you for being the first -_ as he tugged lightly on Jasper's hair, deepening their kiss. Jasper responded with a low moan.

That was when Edward tangled their legs together and their hips were aligned. If there was any question about Jasper's desirability, it should have been laid to rest right then. Edward's length was hard against him through his pajama pants and Jasper's boxers. He bucked against Jasper,  _this is all for you - because of you - no one else._ Edward shifted against him again, rubbing himself against the cotton of Jasper's straining boxers and hoping the message was clear -  _it isn't the newness, or the taboo of it that makes this so hot - it's you._

Edward pulled back, breaking their kiss so that he could look at Jasper's face. He cupped the singer's face, stroking his cheeks with his long thumbs and asking with his eyes if Jasper understood.

And Jasper did. Edward was exactly what he needed at that moment in time. He felt sexy. He felt wanted. He felt cherished. He didn't feel dirty or cheap or used. He felt right again. The ground beneath his feet stopped shaking and settled into its proper place again.

More in control of his own emotions and feeling thankful, Jasper ran his hand up Edward's bare chest. He pushed as he rolled until Edward was on his back and Jasper was leaning over him. As he pressed their lower bodies together, each of them letting out soft gasps, Jasper didn't drop Edward's gaze.

Jasper returned the sentiments Edward's gentle kisses had expressed. He pressed down, rubbing himself in light circles where they were both hard and hot. He was saying,  _I adore you, too._ That was what happened when you found something so beautiful in a person. It didn't matter if that person was your lover, your friend, your brother or sister. Adoration was what you called it when you knew what the hundreds of people who passed by never would.

As he let his body drop, aligning along Edward's, bare flushed skin to skin, Jasper said,  _I'm sorry, too, because I let them hurt me._ No one could help who and what they loved, but when you cared about yourself enough you could take precautions. Something that Jasper was learning the hard way was that every relationship was give and take. From the most casual of acquaintances to the deepest of loves, if you weren't as close to half and half as you could get, you were hurting yourself at the very least.

Edward raised his head as Jasper leaned in to kiss him. They met in the middle and, as they found a rhythm that was all pleasure and soft fabric over hot, sensitive skin, Jasper was saying  _thank you for not taking advantage of me even when you could have. I would have let you. But you gave me your trust with something so intimate and thank you, thank you, thank you._

That night wasn't about expressing love or passion or even casual pleasure. It was simply what they both needed. Jasper needed the reassurance. Edward, who had been the lost one for months, needed to know that he could be the strong one too; he needed to know he could be Jasper's safe harbor now as the singer had been for him.

The space around them seemed to confine itself to the bubble of their shared bed. There was a moment of quiet intensity as they looked at each other, Edward thrusting up against Jasper and Jasper pressing down and around. It was an ebb and flow of pleasure and soundless words; one of those moments shared with another person where they filled in your broken pieces seamlessly, like the tide covers the pockmarked, rocky shore for seconds at a time.

Sex was, at its core, just another way to express emotions and connection. Like every way of communicating it was prone to misinterpretation. But that night, Edward and Jasper were speaking the same language. They spoke to each other silently until their mouths were sore from their hard kisses and their pants were sticky with the peak of their chosen form of articulation.

When they had both slipped out of their messy bottom clothes, Edward and Jasper got back beneath the covers. Neither of them had said a word, but both of them were calmer than they had been all week. They were smiling gently in the darkness as they faced each other. Edward's ran his fingers through Jasper's hair, tracing the shape of his head. Jasper had wrapped an arm around the other man's waist, his free hand coming up between them to trace Edward's pronounced collarbones.

After only a few moments, the singer's eyelashes fluttered. He was suddenly exhausted. Feeling safe and content, at least for that night, Jasper fell into a peaceful, easy sleep.

The next morning Jasper woke first. He blinked lazily in the hazy early light, remembering that he was back in his bed and how much he liked waking up wrapped around something so warm. He smiled, rolling onto his back to stretch.

The movement and the loss of contact made Edward stir. He stretched too, his long arms coming out from under the covers. When he settled back down, Edward rested his head on the other man's chest and Jasper rested one arm lightly on his back while his fingers ran through soft, bronze colored hair. Edward felt so content he actually might have started purring.

Instead, he blurted out the one thought that had been on his mind for over a week now. "I need to go back to Chicago."

Instantly, Jasper's hands stilled. The morning was completely still around them for the space of a few heartbeats. "What?" Jasper asked then, trying to keep his voice level. He was surprised at the dismay that he felt then. "Well, I mean I figured you would want to go home eventually..."

Edward lifted his head so he could look at Jasper and his eyes widened at the hurt in the other man's eyes. "No. No. Jasper..." he sighed, rolling his eyes at the insensitive way that had come out. "I got an apartment. Here. I need a few things from Chicago. I need my car. And…" He trailed off nervously.

"I need to talk to my parents and…Bella," he said finally.

Jasper considered this, trying to figure out what Edward was saying. "You're staying?" he clarified.

"For now," Edward nodded. "I mean, I can't say it's a permanent move but here feels right, for the moment." He smiled at Jasper. "I can't keep hogging your bed. You deserve your space."

Especially after the last week, Jasper couldn't deny that having a little privacy would have been welcome. It made sense. He'd been thinking that his life needed a little simplifying, and not having a beautiful boy in his bed would be a lot less complicating to his thought process.

He would miss waking up next to Edward, Jasper realized. But, that didn't mean it was a bad idea.

He considered what else Edward had said. "You already have an apartment?"

"Yeah," Edward confirmed. He sat up then so he was leaning on the headboard. Jasper mirrored his movements. "It's just a down the street, actually. Just a little place," he said, shrugging.

Jasper leaned his head against the wall, trying to find the right words for his next question. "Edward…I know you're living off your trust fund right now…have you thought about what will happen if your parents…don't react well to your coming out?

Edward blinked, obviously not expecting that. "Oh," he said, startled. "I really don't think my parents would react like that."

"People, even the most logical people, they don't always know how to deal with … other than the norm, you know?" Jasper said gently. He spoke from the experience of not only his parents, Alec's parents and Peter, but countless little instances. Even in his job teaching self defense, he'd had a few clients find out his penchant for kissing men. Some of them were fine with it. Other reactions including anything from outright staring to a couple of parents who'd tried to fight him for daring to teach their children how to defend themselves. Jasper couldn't see the logical tie between a stranger's child's self-defense skills and who he chose to be with in his personal life, but then, he'd found that people's responses to homosexuality were anything but logical in many cases.

"My parents always told me they'd be proud of me no matter what," Edward responded thoughtfully. "They've never given me a reason to doubt that. I suppose anything is possible but…no, I just don't see them having a negative reaction."

Hoping fervently that Edward was right, Jasper asked, "And Bella?"

At that Edward's small smile faded. He ran his hands through his hair. "She's no bigot," he said finally. "I'm…not looking forward to facing her for many, many reasons…but not that."

Jasper put his hand over Edward's and watched as their fingers twined.

For a long few minutes Jasper considered. Edward said he'd be leaving in a little over a week by plane and that he'd drive back. Jasper pursed his lips, considering. He knew that, even though he might not think so, Edward was exposing himself to the possibility of his parent's rejection. There was always the possibility that he was going to be hit with a world of hurt, from someone if not his parents, that no one could prepare you for. Hatred was an incredibly difficult thing to comprehend, let alone experience.

It just wasn't the sort of thing that anyone should have to go through alone. So, even though he knew there was a possibility that he would be exposed to that hatred by proxy, Jasper knew that he couldn't let Edward go to Chicago on his own. He offered to go with him.

Edward smiled, a great weight coming off his chest. "I would really like that."

~0~

Peter was a wreck.

He'd regretted the words as they were leaving his mouth.

It had been like his mind went into overdrive. Seeing Jasper and Edward there in the same room with Charlotte, he could see the scene play out in his mind. He could imagine Jasper would greet him with a kiss the way he did at the Cherry Pit. He could imagine the horror that would cross Charlotte's face when she realized his horrible secret. Then it would be too late. Everyone would know. They wouldn't want to be in the same room with him. Everything he'd worked for all of his life would be destroyed.

He panicked. He felt scared and furious for reasons he couldn't even comprehend. Then he overcorrected when Charlotte assumed he knew them. The best way his unconscious mind knew to put as much distance between himself and the other two men was to come off as intolerant as his coworkers.

Peter hated that he'd done that. Even before he knew his own proclivities, Peter had always cringed at the gay-bashing terms that were thrown around amongst men from the time they were teenagers on up. Peter was the sort of man who believed in logic above most things and it seemed illogical to him to care what other guys did with their dicks. He had always figured that it shouldn't bother him unless they were forcing themselves on him unwillingly.

And Peter could admit, to himself anyway, that he'd never been unwilling with the cocks he'd eventually come in contact with.

The word fag was offensive to his own ears, and the fact that he'd used that word to describe Jasper just killed him.

He had hoped against hope that Jasper hadn't heard him. That night, he'd called as soon as he'd gotten away from Charlotte. Jasper didn't pick up. Peter called or texted about fifteen times before he got a text response.

_Sorry, you must have the wrong number. You don't know any fags._

After that, Jasper hadn't responded at all.

The first week he'd left phone messages, e-mails, text messages – everything short of skywriting for Jasper trying to apologize.

On Monday of the second week, he vowed to leave Jasper alone. He just needed time, that's all. No point in being so pathetic.

Peter lasted until Wednesday before he had to try again. Still, there was no response.

By Friday, he needed to set things right. He couldn't think about anything besides making things right with Jasper again. His work was suffering. His boss told him that he looked a little stressed and why didn't he leave a little early.

He tried to go back to his house, but no matter what Peter did, he couldn't relax. He absolutely ached – missing Jasper, and lamenting that he'd hurt him at all, let alone this badly.

The kicker of it all was that not only had he hurt a man who in no way deserved it, but he had also succeeded in making Charlotte even more suspicious. She had gaped at him when those ugly words had left his mouth. Then she had glared. "What's gotten into you? You don't talk like that in private. I can't believe you! You know they could hear you."

There was nothing he could say that didn't make it worse. He said that he had no problem with it, but seeing them holding hands had startled him. That was true. He was startled. He had caught the stab of jealousy that had gone through him a fraction of a second before the panic.

He'd only dug himself a deeper hole until Charlotte told him that she would rather take a cab home than spend another second with him when he was being an intolerant asshole. "The only reason you're worth spending time with is that you're not like the rest of them. I don't feel like I'm constantly being judged by you," she had told him. "Maybe you're more like them than I thought."

Peter groaned softly in the safety of his empty house. Charlotte had at least returned his calls and e-mails after a few days. He had apologized to her, too – because she was right. There was no excuse for that kind of intolerance. Jasper had yet to acknowledge he still existed, let alone to forgive him.

Part of Peter thought it was better. It was time to nip this thing in the bud. It was time to move on from whatever phase he'd fallen into. It was time to make things with Charlotte permanent and fill his empty house with the family he wanted.

The thought made his stomach twist and his heart seize painfully. Without a second thought, Peter was out the door and on his way to Jasper. He would explain in person. He would make Jasper understand how sorry he was.

At the Cherry Pit, Peter found an unfamiliar band on the stage. A quick look around confirmed that Jasper wasn't there. He headed out of there are to Jasper's apartment.

Once in the parking lot, Peter spotted Jasper's car right away. He was relieved for all of a moment before he also recognized Emmett McCarty's Jeep. He felt a moment of uncertainty. It was easy to see that Emmett thought of Jasper like a little brother. He was typically a jovial type of person, but Peter wasn't willing to bet against Emmett having a protective side.

And, if he was being honest, Emmett's girlfriend Rosalie scared him almost as much.

Still, he had made a terrible mess and he was going to fix it. Peter squared his shoulders and darted up the steps to Jasper's apartment without a second more of hesitation.

Peter's heart was pounding hard by the time the door finally opened.

It was Emmett. His wide grin fell as soon as he saw Peter standing there. His posture shifted almost instantly as he crossed his arms, standing in the doorway like a sentinel. "What do you want?"

Peter resisted the urge to squirm under the other man's harsh expression. His experience in working with a wide range of people, learning to play to their moods, kicked in automatically. If someone felt wronged – on the defensive– assuming a meek position helped minimalize any conceived threat. Peter looked down, letting his shame and contrition show through. "Can I speak to Jasper, please?"

Emmett scoffed. "Right. That's gonna happen."

Before anything else could be said, Rosalie came looking for Emmett. "What are you guys doing over here, did Laurent get the booze or –" She stopped short, her gaze abruptly turning furious. "Get the hell out of here," she demanded.

Of course, her tone and loud voice brought Jasper and Edward from where they had been sitting in the kitchen. Peter didn't get much more than a glimpse of Jasper's shocked face before both Emmett and Rosalie were blocking his view.

"I just want a minute. I just want to apologize," Peter explained quickly, correctly assuming they were about five seconds away from slamming the door in his face.

"What you want is to not have to jack yourself off," Rosalie said scathingly. "Don't stand here and try to pretend Jasper was more than a fuck to you. If you were really sorry you would have been here two weeks ago."

Peter swallowed thickly. "You're right. I  _should_ have been here two weeks ago," he admitted. "But I'm here now and I really just want to say I'm sorry."

"Rose," Jasper's soft voice interrupted whatever Rosalie was about to say. "Let him in. Please."

Rosalie turned around, frowning. "Jasper, come on-"

"Please, Rose. Just let him in," Jasper said, firmer. Peter could see him now. He was standing, almost leaning, against Edward's side and he wasn't looking at anyone. "There are some things I need to say, too."

Rosalie hesitated but then her shoulders sagged and she sighed, stepping aside. Following her lead, Emmett also stepped aside.

For a moment, Peter felt relieved. Then he was nervous. He wondered what Jasper had to say. He was surprised by the overwhelming urge he had to just take the other man into his arms and kiss him senseless.

But he knew he couldn't do that. Jasper still wasn't looking at him. He seemed to be steeling himself for something. Instead, Peter walked up to Edward who was glaring at him.

"I'm sorry, man. Really," he apologized, knowing full well that Jasper wasn't the only one he should make amends with.

Edward's eyes didn't soften but he nodded once – an acknowledgement that he at least heard what Peter said.

Jasper sighed. "Come on," he said, nodding in the direction of his bedroom.

"Jasper," Rosalie said worriedly.

"It'll be fine. I just need a little privacy is all," Jasper said quickly. Without another word, he turned away and walked into his bedroom.

Peter was about to follow when Edward's hand on his arm stopped him. "You're not going to hurt him again," Edward commanded. His voice was even but Peter could see fierce protectiveness in his eyes. He nodded once. He didn't want to hurt Jasper again.

When they were finally behind closed doors Jasper finally looked up at Peter.

"I'm sorry," Peter blurted, a rush of words welling up in him.

Before they could come tumbling out Jasper held his hand up in a stopping motion. "I know you're sorry. I know you were… nervous."

Peter let out a breath. "You believe me, right? You know I never wanted…. I never meant…"

"Yeah. I know. I understand," Jasper said quietly.

Relieved, Peter took a step toward Jasper. When the other man didn't move he took another step, then another until they were close enough that he could lean in to kiss the singer's lips. Jasper let out a shuddering breath, his eyes uncharacteristically uncertain and almost shy as he watched Peter come closer. He swayed a little, wanting just as much as Peter to close that final bit of distance between them.

Just as Peter leaned in, Jasper turned away. "Peter, there are some things I need you to know," he said, quickly putting distance between them.

Then Jasper laughed, a humorless sound, and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm in love with you," he admitted finally.

For two seconds, Peter was sure he had to be imagining things. His entire body went stiff with shock and his heart skipped two beats before settling in to a fast rhythm. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

He felt elated. He felt terrified.

Jasper laughed again, sitting on the edge of his bed and looking down at his hands. "Look, I should have told you before. I've been feeling this way for a while and it's just not… I just can't do what we were doing before, if that's what you want. Not when I feel like this."

Peter felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Even through the last two weeks he'd had the hope that things could return to normal. The thought of being without Jasper at all was horrible. But... "Jasper," he gasped. "I just… I can't…"

Jasper looked up. "Look, I know what you're afraid of, but you know, I think we could have something really good. If all that's holding you back from that is fear of what your buddies might think of you-"

Suddenly, Peter was pissed off. He hated the implication that he was a coward. He hated that Jasper was putting him in this all or nothing position. Everything had been good, why did Jasper want to make things so complicated? "This isn't about being afraid of what my friends will think," he interrupted, clenching his fists at his side in frustration. "What this is about is fantasy versus reality. This is about my livelihood. It's easy for you to sit here and tell me that I'm just afraid, but the reality is that you don't understand, Jasper. Your job, the thing that pays your bills and enables your lifestyle, doesn't depend on your social standing. Mine does. You can say that's stupid and you're right but that doesn't make it less a reality. If they knew what I came here for – I could lose it all."

"I get that, Peter. I do," Jasper said evenly, watching from the bed as Peter began to pace the length of the room. "It's a risk. If you want to be with me, I'm worth the risk."

Letting out a frustrated growl, Peter ran his hands through his hair. "Don't make me choose between my life and my l..." The word strangled off because Peter couldn't bring himself to say what he was feeling. He was already losing too much. He was too scared of the implications of the word that was on the tip of his tongue.

Jasper's heart twisted and he wanted to beg the other man to just let go.  _Say it_. But he knew better. He knew he couldn't hear that word and get through this conversation. Over the last two weeks he had come to the conclusion that he should have known since he was a teenager. There was a difference between what he wanted and what he deserved. He wanted Peter, of that he had no doubt, but he deserved a partner that could give him his love unconditionally.

"I'm not asking you to choose," Jasper said when he could say the words sincerely. "I'm telling you that this doesn't work for me anymore. I'm not angry. Not in the slightest. I just can't do it anymore."

Peter stopped pacing, his insides feeling completely twisted around. He felt sick. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt angry and cornered and completely helpless. "I don't... I don't want to lose you," he admitted to the wall.

For a moment there was silence in the room. "You don't have to. I'm right here. I love you. I want you. But I can't be your partner who hides in the shadows. I want a life. I want a family."

Sensing that he was losing the battle, Peter abruptly switched tactics. Anyway, his anger was easier to deal with than anything else. "So I say no, are you going to run to Edward? He'll suffocate you. He's a brooding, spoiled little kid. He can't even make a decision about what he wants to do with his life. He's a twenty-one year old child," he spat venomously.

"You know what, I get that you're lashing out, but don't talk about Edward like that, okay?" Jasper said, his voice carrying an edge that told Peter he was skating on thin ice. "Everyone has their faults and he's trying to figure himself out, but he has never, not once, denied what he's felt because he was too afraid. You want to be pissed off you'd better find another target because he hasn't done anything to you."

"The hell he hasn't," Peter grumbled, resuming his frustrated pacing. "Everything was fine until he got here. Simple."

Jasper laughed that harsh sounding laugh again. "All that happened is that you got jealous and I realized I wanted you to be jealous. This," he gestured between them, "Is not his fault. This is you and me and I'm taking responsibility for me, Peter.

"This isn't a choice between you and him. I want you. Beyond that, I want the possibility of someone who won't make me feel ashamed of who I am. I want someone who'd be proud to be by my side, making our way through this life together. I'm not ashamed to tell people I love you. If you'd let me, I'd shout it from the g'damned rooftops. But you never would because what? You don't want to lose an account?"

"You don't understand!" Peter exploded. "I can't lose all that. You don't know what it's like-"

Then Jasper couldn't hear any more. His temper flared. "You want to talk to me about risks? I'm probably never going to see my parents again. I'm never going to see my little sister. I've been homeless and completely fucking alone in this world with nothing. Nothing, Peter. Don't you tell me I don't know what it's like to risk everything. I know what it's like to lose your entire life because I've been there and I don't regret it."

He took a deep breath, willing himself to be calm again and ignoring the look in Peter's eye that was tender pity. He didn't want Peter's pity. "It's not that difficult a concept, Peter. You can keep your secret and your life might well be easier, but you lose me. Forever. I'm not coming back."

All of the fight seemed to go out of Peter then. His shoulders slumped and he leaned against the nearest wall. "I thought you said you weren't forcing me to make a choice," he tried, but his voice sounded defeated.

Jasper stood and went to him then, running his fingers down Peter's cheek. The older man didn't look up and Jasper sighed. "I'm not asking you to make a choice. I want you to be happy and I don't see how you can be when you're denying who you are the majority of the time. But I am not asking, or begging, or trying to convince you that you and I should be together. That's life, darl. Simple as that. None of us gets everything we want and it sure as hell isn't supposed to be easy."

Peter took a shuddering breath and leaned into Jasper's touch. His head was spinning. It was impossible to think about not being with Jasper but when he tried to think about people knowing - about going to work functions with Jasper at his side - all he could feel was panic.

He looked up, looking finally into Jasper's eyes and he could see those feelings he'd been denying. He could see the love and the tenderness. He ached for it. He wanted, so badly, to give up this pretense that it was just the sex, the pleasure, that kept him coming back to Jasper all this time.

He opened his mouth and whispered the truth he couldn't deny. "I can't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh my godberries, darlings. I didn't mean to give y'all the impression that Edward was leaving forevs! He's still very much in the picture. This just...isn't his journey. That's all I'm saying. But he's part of it.
> 
> Thank you to my darling jadedandboring who is just phenom and I could not love her more if I tried.
> 
> Have you all checked out the BackSlash 2.0 contest? I really think you should. ;)
> 
> c2/68069/3/0/1/
> 
> Anyway. Let me know where you're at my darlings. That was an awfully plotty chapter after all. I'm thinking we have four chapters and an epilogue left?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Getting paid for this I most certainly am not. They belong to SM. I'm just letting them mack on each other.

As Edward and Jasper's plane took off from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport, it was hard to tell which one of them was more nervous. Jasper patted Edward's hand distractedly, his brows furrowed as he thought about what they would potentially be facing today.

Edward turned away from the window, expecting to find Jasper's eyes on him. Jasper wasn't looking at him at all. He looked so concerned. His face was drawn and the v between his eyebrows was deep. The younger man pressed the pad of his finger to the v, gently rubbing the skin there.

Jasper's eyes finally focused on him and Edward dropped his hand back to his lap. "What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.

For a moment, Jasper didn't answer. He ran his hand over his chin, considering his words before speaking. "I'm just worried about you is all. You just… this life isn't always easy, you know? I just wonder if you're truly ready for the things people might say, the things even your parents could tell you."

Then it was Edward who was carefully considering his words. He studied Jasper carefully, wondering if his thoughts would go over well. "Do you mind if I make an observation?" he asked finally.

Jasper quirked a curious eyebrow and gestured that he should continue.

"You think I'm naïve," Edward stated, not asking.

"Edward..." Jasper started, but Edward interrupted.

"No, I do understand where you're coming from. Naivety comes from a lack of experience. I don't have a lot of experience not being straight. Well, up until recently," he smiled at Jasper teasingly. "But have you considered that you're naïve as well, in a way?"

"What?" Jasper asked, honestly not following Edward's line of thinking.

Leaning his head against his seat, Edward pursed his lips. "You're very at ease with yourself and your sexuality when you're in your comfort zone – at home or at the Cherry Pit. When you're not there, though, you're very defensive, even a little paranoid. I think it's why you stay in your niche so much – The Cherry Pit, work, home. And it explains why you've never dated."

"How do you know I've never dated?" Jasper challenged.

"Have you?" Edward asked mildly.

Jasper considered. It shocked him to realize that he really hadn't. The first year he was with Emmett he'd been a mess. Then he'd met Alec, and after Alec he hadn't even thought about anyone until Peter was just…there. "I guess not," he admitted.

Jasper realized with no small amount of shock that he wouldn't even know where to begin. He simply hadn't thought about it.

Seeing the staggered expression come over Jasper, Edward reached out, holding his hand tightly. Without even realizing he was doing it, Jasper glanced around surreptitiously. Edward's lips quirked. The singer had done the same thing all through dinner when they'd been out in Austin the day they'd gone to the gallery. "Jasper the…atmosphere, I suppose, around you has taught you to be wary. It's not just your parent's conditioning, but all your surroundings that reinforce the feeling that you're not … normal."

Jasper's eyes shot up to Edward, narrowing at his use of the term normal and Edward held out his free hand imploringly. "That's how you described it to me, remember? 'Other than the norm,'" he quoted Jasper back to himself.

Seeing Jasper was processing this, Edward continued. "This is what I mean about naivety out of lack of experience. Bluntly, the South, in general terms, isn't known for keeping an open mind to the world's, uh, diversity of personal choices. Sure, individuals are more tolerant, but the atmosphere as a whole is one of … discomfort with a lot of things."

"That's putting it mildly," Jasper muttered.

Edward nodded, seeing that Jasper was at least following his train of thought now. "Well, my atmosphere – my conditioning – was quite different from yours. My parents are tolerant people. The society of the neighborhoods I grew up in are much more tolerant than I've experienced in Texas. Honestly, I'm not defensive about my sexuality because I haven't ever been programmed to be uncomfortable about men with men, women with women or anything in between. In Chicago, it's not rare, or abnormal, to see men holding hands, or kissing, or…you know, whatever."

"Then why the confusion?" Jasper asked. "You've been just figuring things out for months now. If it's such an easy thing to accept - why is it taking you so long? I mean, it's not like you're out there dating either."

"Of course I've been confused," Edward replied. "I'm not trying to say that it's no big deal. I think knowing what you want in a partner is a major life decision, and reevaluating that image is something that deserved a lot of thought. I needed to be sure about so many things. I mean - what if it was just the newness of the idea? What if it was just me being flattered that a man, or men as it were, found me attractive?" He looked up from underneath his eyelashes, a little shy. "What if it was just you? I've told you before - I don't feel a connection to a lot of people. For you, I do.

"So yeah, I've really had to ask myself some serious questions, and it hasn't always been easy. But, you know, all my life I thought I wanted to be a doctor, too, and knowing that I don't is just as -if not more- confusing to me."

Jasper considered this, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. Edward squeezed his hand. "I'm really not that naïve, Jasper. I know it's not always going to be the way it should be. It doesn't matter who you are – someone, somewhere will take issue with it. I'm just not…waiting or looking for it to happen the way you do."

"I don't-" Jasper started, but he trailed off abruptly when Edward brought the singer's hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles gently just as the flight attendant came around to offer them a drink.

Now that Edward had pointed it out, it was impossible for Jasper not to notice that he stiffened automatically and that he was relieved when the flight attendant's smile remained open and friendly as she gazed questioningly at them. "Coke would be great," Jasper mumbled quickly.

"A bottle of water please," Edward said, returning their hands to the arm rest between them. "I hope you don't feel like I'm being condescending," he murmured to Jasper as the flight attendant walked away.

Jasper chuffed. "I don't know. I feel defensive. But...you know, at the very least, I should be making this a positive thing. I mean, I wanted to make things better - easier for you. Not make you worry about things you're not worried about."

Abruptly, an agonized look came over Edward's face and he sunk back against his seat, his eyes closing. "Oh, Jesus. It just hit me. It just really hit me," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing deeply.

"What?" Jasper asked, surprised at the sudden turn.

"I'm going to hurt her," he said under his breath.

With a sigh, Jasper took one of Edward's hands in both of his, beginning to play with his fingers. "Does she know you're coming?" he asked quietly.

"Uh, I don't know," Edward admitted. "She could. She sees my parents often, and I told them yesterday that I was coming."

Jasper comforted Edward as best he could, but there was not a lot to be said. The younger man knew that he was doing the right thing. He knew that in order for Bella to get on with her life, he had to get all the heartbreaking done as soon as possible.

She wasn't the only one whose heart would be broken. Edward was already beside himself. He admitted to Jasper that, even though he didn't want Bella as his lover and partner, he still pictured himself growing old with her. Not in the husband and wife sense, but he could not picture his life without her. He couldn't imagine not being able to call her, talk to her, get her advice. Bella was the first person he could be completely open with – all of his fears, all of his joys – she'd shared it all with him.

Jasper could certainly understand that. People always talked about wanting to share their life with a spouse, but the truth of the matter was that no one's world should be made up of just one other person. He knew, for instance, that he wanted Emmett and Rosalie in his life always. There were some commitments you made for life that weren't to a spouse or significant other.

There was no happy alternative that he could hand Edward, though he wanted to.

He wanted to fix it. He knew he couldn't.

Edward lapsed into a moody silence, leaving Jasper to his thoughts.

The younger man's observations left Jasper reeling a bit. In the two weeks and few days since Peter had brushed Jasper aside so coldly, the singer had faced the same questions that everyone did post break-up, so to speak. He understood how he'd gotten where he was; how he'd let himself fall for Peter when he knew better. He understood why Peter kept him at arm's length, only pulling Jasper closer when he felt that he was close to losing him. He understood why, though he could see Peter's eyes were tortured, the older man could not bring himself to say he'd even try.

Jasper closed his eyes against the memory from the previous night.

_"You should go," Jasper said as he stepped away from Peter. Emotion was welling in him and he did not want the older man there when it finally brimmed over._

" _Jasper…" Peter started to plead._

" _There's nothing left to say. If you won't consider it at all – we're nothing. I can't even be your friend because you and I both know you're not going to invite me when you hang out with all your straight buddies," Jasper gritted out between clenched teeth. Peter opened his mouth to deny this but nothing came out. Jasper's shoulder's drooped, defeat weighting heavily on him. "I'm not going to be your sex toy on the side anymore_ _-_ _we're not going to be friends, and we're not going to be lovers – what's left?"_

_For the length of a few breaths, neither man moved. Jasper kept his eyes downward because his resolve was crumbling quickly. He'd missed Peter – God how he'd missed him. He wanted nothing more than to cross the few steps between them and just kiss him – take it all back because he'd rather have some of it than to be without Peter completely. "Please leave, Peter," he said quietly, barely able to say it without his voice shaking._

_Peter was frozen._

" _Just. Go," Jasper commanded, louder this time. He wanted to be angry at Peter but he was angrier at himself. How many times would he have to be here, right here, before he learned to stop breaking his own heart? He should have listened to Rosalie when she told him to just forget about Peter, move on – he could do so much better. But no – Jasper had to tell him that he was in love. He'd had to give Peter the chance to do something. If he knew, maybe, just maybe, they could work it out._

_But with his silence, Peter was telling Jasper that he wasn't worth that. He wasn't even worth friendship._

_And Jasper was angry that he'd even held a glimmer of hope that it would be different. "Go!" this time he yelled._

_Peter's footsteps retreated rapidly. The door to his room opened and slammed shut, and then there was the sound of the front door of the apartment slamming in the muted distance._

Jasper shuddered and tried to shake off the oppressive feeling of heartbreak. He'd cried enough over Peter.

He thought back to what Rosalie, Edward and even Emmett had tried to tell him. He was going from one wounded soul to the next and, after this conversation with Edward, he wondered if there wasn't more to his attraction than just their looks and personalities.

Because that was the one thing Jasper hadn't been able to work out. Why had this happened to him again?

When he had realized he wanted Alec, Jasper had thought long and hard about what a healthy relationship was. A connection, a similarity was imperative. That's what made he and Alec work, Jasper had thought. They were both nobody's son. They'd both had to pick themselves up after being told by the people who should have loved them unconditionally that they were bad. Bad eggs. Black sheep. Not even worth the effort.

Then Peter. When Jasper realized he wanted Peter he could see all the good things. They both wanted a family some day. They were both driven, hard working men. Even though Peter was seemingly entrenched in the closet, he still shared the same values Jasper did. He thought that gender and ethnicity  _shouldn't_ matter. He looked out for Jasper when he could. Jasper had opened his fridge more than once to find it well-stocked and it was Peter that had encouraged him to stop smoking.

Jasper had already realized that he had a habit of making his relationships about them - the other person. First convincing Alec that he was worth more than his parents and James had ever let on, then trying to convince Peter that he could embrace himself for who he was. Even with Edward - he'd seen a lost boy and wanted nothing more than to help him find his way.

But, looking back at his actions, he could see they were almost pretentious. Given Edward's observations that he didn't step beyond his comfort zone with his sexuality, at least, not without a degree of paranoia, Jasper had to entertain the notion that he was attracted to men who were more off balance than he was. Surely, his intentions had been good, but Edward was right. He had looked at the younger man as being naïve. He did see Peter as exasperatingly cowardly, in some respects. He had seen Alec as being weaker - in need of protection.

Suddenly, it all seemed like the blind leading the blind.

He had not understood when Alec had defended James again and again. " _You don't understand. He's so sweet to me, sometimes_ ," he had hedged.

Not unlike Jasper had told Rosalie, " _You don't know him. He can be so thoughtful._ "

Alec had forgiven James. Even after almost dying, Alec had forgiven James. It wasn't the same situation, but Jasper had forgiven Peter for his hateful remark and for making him feel so dirty. " _I understand where he's coming from_ ," he'd told Edward, unwittingly excusing Peter with the same words Alec had used for James, " _I know he didn't mean to hurt me._ "

He remembered Edward's words in the gallery. " _You deserve to be treasured._ "

They had been a shock to Jasper because he wanted to argue that he had been, but he couldn't think of an example. It was something that he'd told Alec over and over again that he deserved, and yet Jasper didn't expect it for himself.

He'd tried to save them without realizing that he needed saving too.

Figuring out he was in trouble was a little disconcerting to Jasper. He'd thought he had a steady head on his shoulders

By the time they stepped off the plane, the tension between the pair was palpable. Edward had his hands in his hair more often than not. Jasper inwardly rolled his eyes at himself, remembering suddenly why he was there.

"Hey," he said softly, catching Edward's attention. He shifted his duffel bag to his other arm so he could rub Edward's neck soothingly. Again he mentally grimaced when he noticed he was glancing around to see if anyone was looking at them. "It's going to be okay."

Edward laughed wryly. "No it isn't," he mumbled. "It's going to...suck," he mumbled under his breath, lacking his usual flair for eloquence. "It's going to suck really hard."

Jasper's lips quirked and he wondered if humor would help this situation. He leaned closer as they walked so he could whisper in the younger man's ear. "Careful now, darl. You're going to make me regret not joining the mile high club when we had a chance."

For a moment, Edward's face puckered like he'd taken the hugest bite of lemon and he looked halfway between crying and shouting. Jasper was almost about to apologize when Edward barked out a strangled laugh. His lips curved up and down, up and down as if he couldn't decide if he should be laughing or not.

That was when Jasper decided that he needed to shrug off the nervousness he felt at the idea of what he was about to do. He let his hand fall from Edward's neck to his arm, guiding him off a ways from the quick walking businesspersons and the frazzled families. He dropped his duffel at their feet.

His nerves, as he wrapped his arms around Edward's waist and pulled him closer - front to front - increased into an almost forgotten feeling.

Oh yeah, he remembered this.

He wondered briefly if this is how Pavlov's dogs would have felt if they had figured out what Pavlov was up to. When he was younger, Jasper distinctly remembered the anxiety that rose in him whenever a guy would catch his eye. Edward had been right using the word conditioning. Whenever his father had caught him eyeballing another guy there were consequences. He'd repeated that process until Jasper would mentally beat himself up, even when his father wasn't there.

Apparently, he hadn't broken that as completely as he'd imagined- it just hadn't come up in his relationship with Alec. Alec had been raised similarly and so hadn't been prone to public displays of affection. Of course, his and Peter's relationship was confined to The Cherry Pit and his apartment.

Now, however, wasn't the time for introspection. Edward needed him.

Besides, a little voice in his head reminded him, it wasn't likely anyone was going to try to beat him up in an airport.

"Listen to me," he murmured, resting his forehead against Edward's, "It's going to be fine. This is the right thing to do, the good thing to do. You love her, right?"

Edward let out a shuddering breath, leaning forward against Jasper. "Right. Yes, of course."

"This is what you do when you love someone. You do the right thing for them, and you're right. It is going to suck - and not in the good way," he teased lightly, bringing one hand up to stroke Edward's cheek. "But I've got your back, okay? You're not alone."

With a sigh, Edward wrapped one hand around Jasper's wrist against his cheek and the other around his waist, letting the singer hold him.

Slowly, Jasper placed tiny kisses against the bridge of Edward's nose, then down to his cheeks. As some of the tension drained from Edward's stiff posture, Jasper kissed him full on the lips. It wasn't a provocative kiss at all, just one that communicated that he was there, and that he cared.

As they stepped apart, Jasper couldn't help but let his eyes wander around him. He was searching for judgmental eyes.

He found them.

A mother ushering her children in the opposite direction, glaring over her shoulder.

A few snickering teenage boys traveling in a gaggle.

"I see them too, you know," Edward said quietly as they began to walk again. "They just don't bother me."

"You know what else I see?" Jasper said, marveling at the fact that Edward, despite having his own concerns, had picked up on his anxiety. "I see the older couple in the corner, smiling because we are very pretty. And I see the majority of these people not even paying a lick of attention to us."

Edward smiled, a little distracted. "Good." He ran a hand through his hair, looking around. "Shuttle or taxi," he mused out loud.

Dropping his duffel again, Jasper grabbed Edward's bag and laid them both at their feet. "What are you-" Edward started but was cut off when Jasper leaned over a bit in front of him.

"Come on, Cullen," Jasper drawled. "Save you on cab fare. Save the environment. Ride a cowboy." He waggled his eyebrows playfully.

For a moment, it looked as though Edward didn't know whether or not to take him seriously. Then he broke out in a genuine grin and surprised Jasper by jumping onto his back, his arms going around the singer's front and clinging.

They laughed together for a minute, the tension and nerves gone for just a few moments of time.

Then, a shaky, shocked voice interrupted their fun. "Edward?"

Both of the men looked up to find a young, attractive brunette woman staring at them with confusion and hurt on her face.

Edward slid off of Jasper's back but his hand gripped the older man's arm almost painfully. "Bella," he said, the word coming out more like a gasp.

Jasper tried to step away from Edward but the bronze haired man's grip was too tight for him to move. He didn't know where to look. It was a moot point as Bella's eyes seemed to be frozen on Edward's.

"I-I... Your parents told me you were coming. I volunteered to come pick you up. I just wanted to surprise you," she babbled, seeming to run out of air toward the end. She bit her lip hard.

For a long, tense moment, none of them knew what to say or do.

Bella opened her mouth, closed it again, shook her head once as if to clear it, and then abruptly turned on her heel, walking briskly away from them.

Edward let out a gust of air he'd been holding, instantly crumpling in on himself. His shoulders sagged and he finally let go of Jasper to hold his head in his hands. "Oh, fuck," he spat helplessly under his breath.

Looking back and forth between Bella's rapidly retreating figure and Edward's defeated posture, Jasper couldn't help but agree with that statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sooo. I got good news and I got bad news. The good news is I got this chapter to you before I left on my Twilight cruise! (Alaska here I come, WOO) The bad news is since I'm going on a Twilight cruise the next update will probably be in two weeks.
> 
> O DA SUSPENSE.
> 
> Thank you to my beautiful conversed for all the encouragement and to josieswan for betaing lickity splits. No idea why you people put up with me.
> 
> Have you all checked out the BackSlash 2.0 contest? I really think you should. ;)
> 
> c2/68069/3/0/1/
> 
> ::cough:: Anyway. I'll be turning 28 on said cruise and it would be such an awesome gift if you left me your thoughts. I do love them so, and obviously I am not above begging. I know I didn't reply to your last ones but that was because I was trying to update all of my stories before I left on the cruise. I'll be better this time. Promise!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: They're Stephenie's! I'm just borrowing them.

Edward gripped his hair tightly in both hands, looking lost for one moment, before he pivoted and sprinted after Bella. Jasper hesitated, torn as to what he should do in this particular instance. He wanted to give them enough space but he also needed to make sure that Edward was alright. After debating with himself, Jasper settled on following the path they'd taken at a slower pace.

They hadn't gotten far.

Jasper could see Edward and Bella a little ways up. He had a hand on her arm. She wasn't trying to pull away; she was upset but not disgusted. This was a relief to Jasper, though he still felt horrible for the both of them.

"You know I never would have chosen for you to find out like this," he was saying.

"I know that," she said quickly. She sat then in one of the trio of seats by the window, biting her lip and trying to process.

Slowly, Edward sat down beside her. He didn't have the words anymore than she did. He sighed, staring down at his hands. "I came back to talk to you. I mean - I want to see my parents, but I knew I needed to talk to you."

"I just..." she stumbled. "I mean, we've talked since you left. I just don't understand. I can't believe you didn't tell me. This must have been confusing and I could have helped," she babbled. "Or at least I could have listened."

For a moment, Edward just blinked at her, uncomprehending. "Bella… how can you be thinking of me right now? Aren't you… I mean, aren't you mad?"

She looked away, but her voice was choked when she spoke. "I don't have the right to be mad. We agreed that you weren't…aren't committed to me."

"But…"

At that she turned toward him, her eyes flashing. "Edward, what do you want me to tell you? It feels like a punch to the gut, and I want to feel betrayed…but I meant what I said in October. I'm not going to be a hypocrite about it," she said, sounding angry finally.

Then all the fire seemed to burn out of her all at once and she slumped. "It almost hurts worse that you didn't think you could talk to me about this; that you kept it from me when you called."

"There was a lot I had to know before I could talk to you," Edward said softly. "You know I didn't want to hurt you any more with my confusion and indecision."

Bella took a moment, closing her eyes briefly to keep her tears at bay. She had so many questions. "That guy?" she started.

"His name is Jasper," Edward answered her unspoken question quickly, not wanting to keep anything else from her.

She bit her lip hard, trying to form the words without anger or the overwhelming sadness she felt. "He's your...boyfriend?"

Edward chuffed. "No. He's just a friend," he assured quickly.

"Oh," Bella said, slumping even more.

"You would rather he was a boyfriend?" Edward asked, arching an eyebrow and genuinely curious.

She gave a small shrug. "I don't know what to think right now." She took a deep breath. "How did this... I mean, what happened?"

Grimacing, but determined to be honest, Edward answered, "I don't really know how to explain it. I was in Texas, I walked into a bar and met Jasper and...I don't know, Bella. Something felt...right."

Her face crumpled for a fraction of a second before she composed it again. "Being with me felt wrong," she finished for him, her voice devoid of emotion.

"That's not what I meant," he protested.

"Isn't it?" she asked, a hint of bitterness leaking into her tone. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off quickly. "Edward, I need... can I just have a few minutes, please? I don't know what to think."

Loathe to let her go at that but not knowing how his words could possibly make anything better, Edward was helpless to do anything but nod. He got up numbly and walked away from her, kind of wanting to cry but thinking he didn't deserve to. He looked up, startled when Jasper was suddenly in front of him, his eyes soft and full of regret.

"She's hurting. I hurt her really badly," Edward mumbled, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes and scrunching his face up tight. It took him a moment to calm. "I don't know what to say to her."

Jasper didn't say anything at first. He chewed on the inside of his cheek nervously as Edward sat heavily in a nearby chair. Finally, Jasper sighed. "I'll talk to her," he said decisively.

Edward's head shot up. "You think that would help?"

"You know her better than I do," he pointed out. "I just... I never told you how things with Alec ended..." he trailed off, letting Edward come to his own conclusions.

Finally, Edward ducked his head. "Just...if she gets more upset..."

"If I can't help, I'll leave her alone," Jasper promised.

Steeling himself, Jasper walked around the corner and forward a short distance. Bella hadn't moved. She was gnawing on her lip, looking lost as she mindlessly watched people go by.

Jasper couldn't be sure if she even saw him until he was standing right in front of her.

They looked at each other, and Jasper could see she was sizing him up in some way. Hoping she wasn't trying to compare herself to him, Jasper spoke. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to right now, but believe it or not, I have been where you are. Maybe I can help," he offered in his most soothing tone.

Bella chuffed a little, looking off to the side. "You're gay, right? How do you know what this is like? Have you had the man you love go straight on you?"

One side of Jasper's mouth quirked all the way up in a wry smile and Bella looked at him, a little stricken. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I just assumed you were gay."

"No, it's okay. I just… I'm not really comfortable with labels," Jasper explained. "Gay, straight, bi… I don't really deal with them at all. I understand what you're asking, and believe me, it's no insult. I just don't think of myself as gay. I think of myself as me."

He sat down across from her and leaned forward. "But you know, not everyone is like me. In fact, most people aren't, and I know that. You have to figure that labels are more comfortable. Takes away a lot of life's questions, you know? You feel like you understand something about someone if you can label them.

"Me? I suppose if you had to label me, I'd be gay. I like men. Hell, I love 'em. But I didn't ever want to say that because whatsay a pretty little girl comes along and I have those feelings for her? Then I'm confused because the neat little sign I put up says I can only like people with cocks. Then what would happen is I would spend my time being confused when what I really should be doing is exploring this potentially beautiful thing that happens between two people. Not a boy and girl, or a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl. Two people."

Bella nodded, a serious and thoughtful look on her face. "I see what you're saying. That makes a lot of sense. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so…dismissive of anything you might have been through."

Jasper shrugged easily. "Don't apologize. I know you must be reeling right now. Honestly, everyone's situation is different. I just mean that I've stood on your side before." He sighed because this story was still hard for him to tell. "My first real relationship was with a man named Alec. I loved him, and for a long while I thought things were good. For me, they were great.

"But Alec, well, you know he had troubles. He had a past he couldn't quite shake and an uncertainty about himself," Jasper said and then looked down at his hands, trying to quiet the ache in his heart. "There isn't a lot I wouldn't have done to help him. I wanted to make it better, but I just couldn't figure how. Alec was just…lost, I suppose. Adrift and I couldn't reach him on the days when he folded in on himself.

"Then, when we had been together about two years, Alec came into a bit of money. He started to talk about options to make himself feel right. His words. So when Alec decided he wanted to be Alice, I mean – I understood that. You want to be what you feel like inside," Jasper paused, watching Bella's face to make sure she understood. "And I was supportive. I wanted her to be exactly everything she wanted. You know, I thought she was still the person I loved. Gender didn't matter to me – it was her I loved and wanted. Not to be graphic, but my love for her wasn't attached to her cock – hell, I love her now."

He was frowning before he even realized it as he continued, "But Alice had attached herself with a label of straight female and now she had all the parts to match. Well, you know straight gals don't date gay boys. That was that, as they say. It was over and there wasn't any arguing with it."

"I'm sorry. That's…that's really crummy," Bella said quietly but sincerely.

Jasper had to smile. "No. I mean, obviously it was horrible to live through but it was what she needed so I can't exactly regret it."

Bella nodded, looking down at her feet again and chewing on her bottom lip. They sat quietly, Jasper simply waiting for her to speak. She sniffled once and wiped away a tear that escaped the corner of her eye dismissively. "I knew something was wrong. I was happy…and one day he said to me 'Do you ever feel that life is like…wearing a shirt that's just one size too tight?' I didn't know what he was talking about. Life was good, for me. Everything fit with Edward," the last sentence came out as no more than a whisper and she took a shuddering breath, obviously fighting her tears. "He wouldn't – or couldn't – explain what he meant. I tried to help, but I didn't know how.

"Then he came to me last October and he asked for time. He said he needed to figure some things out – that he needed to think. I told him I'd wait for him." She stopped, her voice becoming too choked to speak. Jasper quickly stood and went to sit by her, running his fingers through her hair in comfort.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and he was. He knew what this felt like – realizing that a life you'd planned was falling apart and there was literally nothing you could do but watch it fall.

She leaned against him instinctively, shaking her head. She sniffled a few times, wiping away her tears furiously. "No – it's not a bad thing. If this is what he wants, what he needs…" she trailed off and Jasper knew that she was trying to convince herself as much as anything.

"You love him enough to want what's best for him," he finished, knowing because it was exactly the way he felt about Alice.

Tucked against his chest, Bella nodded. "But it's not easy," Jasper continued. "And it hurts like hell…because the life you had right in front of you – that you planned for and wanted – is gone. And it feels like it wasn't good enough, that you weren't good enough."

Bella shuddered against him, crying in earnest and letting Jasper hold her. "That's not true, you know?" he said a few minutes later when she had quieted some.

"My head knows," she mumbled. She straightened and looked at him pleadingly. "Tell me it gets better."

"It does," he assured her, and Bella could see nothing but sincerity and kindness in his eyes. "He never could have been what  _you_  deserve."

Bella just chuffed, obviously believing that line about as much as Jasper had when it had been him hearing those same words from Rosalie. "I guess I was the tight shirt," she whispered.

"Not you, darlin'," Jasper assured because she needed to hear it. "Just – sometimes people don't know what they need. And sometimes we hurt the people we love the most – who deserve it the least – while we're trying to get there."

After a few minutes, Bella seemed to rein in her emotions and she wiped the tears away as she sat back, out of Jasper's arms. "You're quite a gal, you know?" Jasper commented quietly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I came with Edward because I wasn't sure how you, or his parents, would react," he admitted. "You know, and I don't know if I should tell you this but... Edward's kind of been tearing himself up over you. I know he hates hurting you. I just...didn't want anyone to tell him he was bad. Wrong, you know?"

Bella's lips turned up slightly. "My father always told me that it nothing made a person good or bad besides their action. Caring about someone isn't a bad thing," she said firmly. Then she looked directly at him, "For what it's worth, I'm glad Edward has you."

Jasper tilted his head, wondering what she was referring to. "You know - I have no personal experience with this kind of thing, but I'm not blind to the world. On top of being confusing, I know it has to be...hard sometimes," she explained. "It takes a really strong, good person to stand by someone – not because they have to but because they care. So I'm glad, if I couldn't be there for him, that you could."

That was when Jasper truly understood how easy it would have been for Edward to love Bella. He could see her heart was breaking. She had every right to be hurt beyond reason, and yet she had the insight to think about not only Edward, but Jasper as well.

"Do you know where Edward went?" she asked then.

"Yeah," Jasper said, standing quickly. "I'll go get him."

Bella only had to wait a minute for Edward to reappear. He stood before her, head down, just waiting for her to speak. "I know you have more to say, and I want to listen. I just ... I need a little bit of time."

"I'm going to be in town for a few days. Whenever you want - we can talk," Edward blurted, relieved that she didn't appear to hate him. He wanted more than anything to kiss it all better, but he knew he couldn't.

She nodded and looked up at him with a small smile. "I have missed you," she whispered.

"Bella," he murmured back, "I've missed you too."

There wasn't much more to say then. She stood and walked away from him at a measured pace and he watched her go. It was more than a minute before he realized that Jasper had come to stand beside him.

"So," Jasper said, at a loss for words momentarily, "that sucked."

Edward held his breath for a second, but then a laugh escaped. Then he was cackling as Jasper rubbed his back soothingly. "Really, really hard," Edward agreed when he could speak again. Then he started laughing again.

"What?" Jasper asked, perplexed now.

"I just realized... I still have to talk to my parents," he said, somewhat anxiously.

"I thought you said they'd be okay with-"

"I'm not worried about  _that_ ," Edward reiterated. "My parents love Bella. They'll be angrier that I hurt her than anything else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So - I really struggled with the pacing of this chapter. I have a lot more to say, but ... well, it's just so short! Lol. I hope that's okay.
> 
> The good news is, that means next chapter will be longer, right? Right. Plus, I do believe we're going to talk to Peter again next chapter. Won't that be fun.
> 
> Thanks to my lovely jadedandboring for beta'ing. ILY doll.
> 
> Thank you for all your birthday well wishes. The cruise was fantabulous. I'm a little bit in love with Mike Welch now.
> 
> Let me know how you're doing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: They aren't mine. They are SM's. If they were mine I'd wrap them up in a blanket and squeeze 'em till it was all better.

It was a lot more nerve-wracking than Jasper had expected it to be - for him.

At first, he hadn't understood what was happening. As the cab they'd hired drove away from the airport and the inner city to the suburbs of Chicago, the neighborhoods had started taking on a more familiar shape. There was a different style of architecture to the homes in Houston, and the landscape had different trees, but the  _feeling_ was the same. The further they got into those neighborhoods, the more Jasper began to notice the sensation that something was squeezing his lungs. He couldn't seem to pull in a full breath.

As he fought to get his breathing under control, Jasper tried to pin point the source of his anxiety. It was intense - this feeling of fear that coursed through him. He felt like he should be running away, not driving deeper.

Jasper didn't realize what his problem was until they were standing in front of the Cullens' home. It was a lovely, large house in a neighborhood of other lovely, large houses. They had passed a park where children played in the warm, spring afternoon sunshine. Then Jasper understood.

This was a place where families lived. He hadn't lived in a place like this - or really had any cause to visit one - for many years.

He lived in a one bedroom apartment in a part of town that wasn't occupied, for the most part, by families living the American dream. Even Emmett and Rosalie's apartment was devoid of that feel.

It felt like this neighborhood held normalcy - and Jasper didn't know that he had ever felt normal. He felt like an intruder here, and unwelcome one at that. He didn't belong here among these nuclear families - mommies with daddies and 2.5 kids. Now he was bringing one of the fallen sons home - and he wasn't normal anymore.

Jasper found he had a new appreciation for Peter's terror then. It felt dangerously like he was destroying lives. Surely, there had to be a repercussion from that. Somehow, he managed to keep his growing fear regulated, reminding himself repeatedly that he was there for Edward and his feelings were irrational.

Still, nothing could have prepared him for what Edward's parents were like. Esme and Carlisle Cullen were unlike any parents Jasper had ever imagined.

His own father had never been prone to displays of affection. In his line of thinking, strong men didn't need hugs from their mommies and daddies.

Carlisle Cullen very obviously didn't subscribe to that theory. No - the moment he saw Edward on the stoop his eyes lit up and he pulled his boy into a fierce, tight, long hug. When he was done, and not a second before, he released Edward into Esme's arms.

Jasper found himself smiling and aching all at once. For the first time in a long time, he thought about his mother. He had a sudden memory of the way she would talk to him after his father would beat him. He remembered her making so many excuses.  _'Your father just doesn't understand. You're young. You just haven't met the right girl, is all.'_

Over the years he'd been without her, Jasper had come to recognize that his mother's love was muted. In stark contrast, Esme Cullen's love for her son was vibrant.

He couldn't help remembering what Edward had said about naivety being borne of a lack of experience. Jasper could safely say that this type of outward display of love and affection was completely foreign to him.

Before he could contemplate more than this, Carlisle cleared his throat. "I apologize," he said to Jasper, his eyes glowing with a sincere warmth. "We didn't mean to ignore you, it's just that we haven't seen our son in over half a year."

"Oh, yes!" Esme said, finally releasing Edward. "You must be Jasper. Please, come in."

Jasper was caught off guard by their lack of surprise. He shot a look at Edward who had a genuine smile on his face for the first time all day.

But then Esme was chattering on, as she led the way into the house. "But where's Bella, Edward? Didn't she get you from the airport?"

Edward's smile fell instantly and his shoulders slumped. "I..." He stopped and drew in a long breath of air. "Why don't we sit down?" he suggested.

Now both Esme and Carlisle looked concerned but they just quietly acquiesced to his request and sat on the love seat. Wondering briefly what the right move was, Jasper decided to stand behind the sofa where Edward sat. His posture was both supportive and protective. It was good - this need he felt to protect Edward. It was infinitely better than the fear that kept him skittish. In his mind, Jasper conjured a thousand different arguments to counter whatever Edward's parents came up with.

In the end, though, Jasper's defensiveness wasn't necessary. Edward was surprisingly straight with his parents. He told them about the months of confusion about everything leading up to him leaving, and then the weeks of confusion after he met Jasper and Peter. Of course, he was vague on the exact nature of his association with Jasper and Peter, but the singer realized that he was gripping the back of the sofa so tightly at that point of the story that his knuckles were bone white.

Though they must have read between the lines, Carlisle and Esme only glanced at Jasper in surprise before they returned their rapt attention to Edward. They seemed concerned, but their faces were open; they didn't seem angry at all.

Edward continued, talking about running into Bella at the airport and how they'd talked, briefly. For the first time in his conversation his head bowed when he said that he let her go - once and for all.

At the first sign of his distress, Esme was a blur of motion. Jasper tensed automatically, but she only sat beside her son, putting an arm around him. "That must have been hard for you."

"I hated being the one to put that look on her face, Mom," he admitted, leaning against his mother. "How many times did I tell her I would never hurt her?"

"It seems to me that you're keeping your promise in the long run, Son," Carlisle said quietly. "It couldn't have been an easy thing to do for you, but it was right for her."

Edward nodded but he still looked miserable about it.

Then Carlisle stood, and Jasper found himself biting the inside of his cheek. Despite Edward's repeated assurances that his parents would react rationally, despite the fact that they had yet to look angry or disgusted or anything but compassionate toward their son's struggle, a part of him still thought the other shoe was about to drop.

Of course, Carlisle merely sat beside his son, offering his support. "I'm proud of you," he said simply.

Edward chuffed. "You're proud...but are you disappointed?" For the first time, Edward sounded so much like the lost little boy that had walked into the Cherry Pit all those weeks ago. Acceptance was one thing, but approval was something all together different.

"Why on earth would we be disappointed?" his mother asked, sounding genuinely confused.

Unbidden, his father's voice flooded Jasper's thoughts. He remembered his father's words with vivid clarity. Telling him he was less than a man. Telling him he was a disappointment as a son. Telling him that he'd rather have no son at all.

He drew in quiet breath, desperate to keep from being noticed. He hated that he was suddenly falling to pieces when he was supposed to be here supporting Edward.

"I don't know - everything?" Edward was saying. "I mean, you were always so proud that I wanted to be a doctor, and I'm not doing that. You were happy - thinking about Bella being your daughter-in-law someday, and that's not going to happen..." he trailed off, gesturing for them to fill in the blanks.

"Edward, you're twenty-one years old," Esme said, tightening her arm around his shoulders. "That's still too young to know everything about what you want out of life. Of course we love Bella, but ultimately, this is your life to live. What your father and I want more than anything is for you to live a happy life with as few regrets as possible."

"Your mother is right," Carlisle agreed. "And of course we were proud of all you accomplished on the road to becoming a doctor, but I know you, Edward. You put your heart into everything you do. No matter what you eventually decide to do with your life, I have no doubts that you will always make me proud."

That was the point when Jasper had to slip away. It was better, he thought, to give the family a little privacy. Beyond that, his head was spinning.

Once he was outside, shutting the front door quietly behind him, Jasper started to suck in breaths in huge gasps. He tried to sort out the gamut of emotions that were assaulting him like freight trains - all loud and vying for his attention.

There was the fight or flight complex. Every muscle in his body had been tightened from the time they stepped out of the cab to that very moment. He knew how to be the protector - how to argue and get angry and even use his fists if Edward needed it. He also knew the fear, though he had tried so hard to forget it. The fear that had hung over his adolescence threatened to consume him now. In his experience, you did everything you could to keep the secret from Mom and Dad. Edward had come back here - to his childhood home - to tell Mom and Dad.

Unlike Jasper's father, Carlisle Cullen had not reacted with violence and abhorrence. He wasn't angry or even ashamed. He was proud. He was glad that his son was just that much less lost.

Even if he had reacted poorly, there was no doubt in Jasper's mind that Esme Cullen would never have let Carlisle throw Edward away like he was nothing, the way his own mother had. He'd been so easily let go by both of his parents.

Seeing that had made Jasper absolutely ache with want. It was powerful - the sudden desire for acceptance on that level. He found he wanted his mother's arms around him, comforting him. He wanted his father to tell him he was proud.

Jasper had worked so hard to build for himself what his parents had swept out from under him. He had worked to be self sufficient because no one was going to force him out on the street again. He'd taught himself compassion and fairness.

He'd thought he'd done a fair job of learning how to respect himself, but as of late he was beginning to question that.

And he was unbearably jealous then. Esme and Carlisle were, obviously, exactly what parents should be - a safe harbor, a well-spring of unconditional support and love. Edward could always go home.

Jasper wanted what Edward had. He wanted it so badly at that moment that he could hardly breathe.

Finally, he was angry - so fucking angry at all the people who had pushed him to this low point that he hadn't even realized was there until today. His parents, his lovers, himself -none of them had loved him the way he deserved. But as much as he was furious with his mother and father, with Alice and Peter, Jasper was most livid with himself.

He had repeated all their mistakes.

With his choices in the men he dated, Jasper reaffirmed his parent's message that he didn't deserve a normal, happy life. Neither Peter nor Alice had ever been capable of providing him an equal partnership and a future they faced together. Hadn't their actions told him, over and over, that he was wrong? Bad somehow?

Like Alec had made excuses for James, Jasper had made excuses for Peter.

Like Peter, Jasper found that, in some part of himself that he didn't acknowledge, he resented that his natural sexual preference made his life so complicated. If only he'd been born differently, maybe his father would still love him; maybe he could have had a wife and kids like everyone else.

He had come here expecting to be the strong one.

He felt anything but strong right then.

~0~

The rest of that day and the next was a little surreal to Jasper. He couldn't seem to shake the anxiety completely, always waiting for the inevitable anger or judgment. He was always on edge, mentally picking apart everything Carlisle and Esme said for hidden meanings or indirect insults.

At a direct counterpoint to all of Jasper's ingrained paranoia was the disconcerting way that Carlisle and Esme interacted with him.

They were just so...nice. It was unsettling. Part of him thought they were just in denial, and when they realized what was truly going on here, they would finally, finally be angry. He had to quell the urge to get in their face and make it perfectly clear,  _"I've been IN your son,"_ and let them try to deny that.

But they weren't in denial. Toward the end of the evening on the first night, as they were discussing sleeping arrangements - Esme had flatly refused Jasper's assertion that he could go to a hotel - Edward had said he'd take his old room and Jasper could take the guest bedroom beside it. Esme had looked back and forth between them curiously and murmured that if they'd rather sleep together that was alright by her, she was a modern type of mom.

Edward had laughed and told her separate rooms would be fine. Jasper would have found it adorable that the younger man's cheeks had turned the color of a Tickle-Me-Elmo, but he was busy trying to calm yet another anxiety attack.

That first morning was awkward. Jasper had assumed that Edward was already up when he saw the door to his room cracked open. Instead, he had stumbled downstairs to find Carlisle at the table, pouring over a medical journal.

Carlisle was perfectly polite. Despite Jasper's protests he served him orange juice and made casual conversation, asking about what Jasper did for a living and if he liked Texas.

It was a stroke of luck that Edward came downstairs just as Carlisle had started to ask about Jasper's family. He quickly excused himself and was out the door before anyone could ask questions. He made it around the block before he had to stop.

When he was sitting on the curb with his head in his hands, Jasper could see how badly his hands were shaking. He took deep breaths, trying to calm down. Carlisle hadn't been anything but kind to him and somehow he was scared to death of the man. He couldn't shake the fear and discomfort he felt.

Like he didn't belong. Like if he tried to pretend he did, there would be hell to pay.

He returned to the house when he had calmed, determined to stop being such an idiot. Edward was sitting at the table alone, listlessly spinning his cell phone on the table.

"Where did your parents go?" Jasper asked, sliding into the seat next to his.

"Work," Edward answered as if he'd been drawn out of his thoughts. "Where did you go?"

"I just needed some fresh air," the other man said vaguely. "How you doing?"

Edward didn't answer automatically, apparently taking inventory. Then he frowned. "Bella hasn't called or texted," he said finally.

Jasper put his hand over Edward's stopping the spinning phone. "It takes time, Edward."

"I know," Edward said quietly, flipping his hand so he could twine their fingers together. He gave a short little laugh, wry with pain. "It's just the first time she hasn't responded to my text since we were 17. It feels...horrible."

The rest of the day went similarly. Edward and Jasper were both doing their best to distract themselves and each other. Sometimes, they succeeded, but Jasper caught Edward checking his phone religiously and Edward noticed when Jasper would suddenly tense.

That evening, Jasper lay alone in his bed, trying to sort out the clinging anxiety.

Besides the fact that Carlisle and Esme obviously accepted Edward, they were also kind and interesting people. He wanted, badly, to be able to open up to them, really get to know them as they tried to get to know him. While he was always polite, his answers were short and didn't flow as easily as they normally would.

Since he'd found that it was easier to keep his fear and nerves under control when he wasn't participating in conversations, Jasper made himself content to watch Edward interact with his family. It was...almost fascinating. On some level, he knew families like this existed. He knew that his own family was broken and that, while his mother and father had failed him, they weren't the norm.

They were the ones who were wrong.

What was obvious to Jasper then was that, while he had known intellectually all the things he repeated to Alice and Peter and Edward, his wounded psyche was only recently beginning to unlearn the lessons his father had taught him.

It struck him that part of his conscious had believed that Edward was running away from something here. Now Jasper could see that truly wasn't the case. He'd left to find something he was missing, to fill in a few gaps in his experiences, but not because he'd been chased away because he couldn't conform.

He saw this and knew this was true for Edward, and yet he couldn't convince himself that this house was a safe harbor for him as well.

The door creaking open startled Jasper out of his heavy thoughts. Edward stood in the doorway, looking a lot like the little lost boy again. They looked at each other a moment, but before Jasper could ask what was wrong Edward stepped in the room, shutting the door behind him with the quietest of snicks.

Jasper sat up against the headboard then, his heart beginning to pound erratically in his chest. Then Edward was kneeling on the bed kissing Jasper in a strangely needy, intense way.

And Jasper understood. He'd been there just a week ago - watching Edward sleep when he finally came home after Peter had broken his heart. He remembered the neediness in him - how he'd climbed into bed and just wanted to forget the ache for one night. He wanted to feel simple pleasure. He wanted to remember what it was like to feel wanted.

Edward wanted, very much, to escape the guilt he felt for just a little while. He wanted to remember why being with Jasper felt right in a way that he'd never known was possible. Why letting Bella go was the right thing, even if it hurt her in the short term.

Jasper wanted to do for Edward as Edward had done for him. He wanted to let Edward take pleasure from his body and give pleasure of his own.

But when Edward leaned against him, Jasper felt the tugs of now too familiar panic tighten its hold around his lungs. He whimpered before he could help himself.

"Shh," Edward murmured against his lips, misinterpreting the sound, "We have to be quiet."

A memory flashed through Jasper's mind then. Garrett, smiling as he closed the door to Jasper's room behind him with a quiet snick. Smiling as he turned up the volume on the stereo. The way it felt as Garrett's body lined up with his and he couldn't help but give a small cry of pleasure when the other boy bit down lightly on his neck. " _Shhh_ ," Garrett had hissed, but he was still smiling. " _You gotta be quiet."  
_  
It was only a minute later that the door opened.

"Whoa. Hey. Jasper," Edward said, softly and a little horrified, "you're shaking. Babe, what is it?"

"I don't..." Jasper tried, but he could barely even speak. It was too much - the images and emotions that assaulted him then.

He tried to explain, but he didn't know how much Edward could possibly have understood from the disjointed sentences he managed to gasp out between his tears.

He was remembering his room when he was a teenager, smaller but not unlike Edward's bedroom. He remembered all the times Garrett came to visit him.

At first it had been weird and nerve-wracking to Jasper. He felt the charge between himself and the other boy. He was trying to ignore it, because it wasn't right. But then, one day, Garrett had kissed him. It was a simple peck, almost accidental, and Jasper had started to stutter and shake, not unlike he was now.

" _Shh, it's okay. No one's going to find us_ ," Garrett had said. " _No one has to know_."

And, for a while, he was right.

Slowly, Garrett coaxed Jasper further, turning little kisses into little touches until the pleasure outweighed the fear and the guilt.

Until they hadn't heard Jasper's dad coming up the stairs - the music was on too loud - and then...

"We're not safe here," Jasper whispered brokenly, not entirely aware of what he was saying.

"Yes, we are," Edward said, softly but firmly. "You're safe here. No one in this house would ever hurt you." He kissed Jasper's cheek and the singer jolted, a rush of fear going right down his spine.

And again, he heard his father's voice. Because men didn't cry either, and they weren't this cowardly. Oh, Jasper had let himself cry before, but it had always made him feel worse. He gave himself a moment with Edward after Peter had broken his heart, and had cried on Rosalie's shoulder briefly both after Peter and after Alice, but there was no excuse now.

Why was he crying over nothing?

"You're okay," Edward said, holding him and kissing him again. He cupped Jasper's cheek and tried to get the other man to look at him. "Jasper, do you hear me?"

It took him a moment to gather his thoughts again, but Jasper nodded slowly.

"No one's going to hurt you," Edward repeated.

The younger man told Jasper over and over again that he was okay, that no one was going to hurt him, that he was safe. Every time he said it, he would kiss his cheek, his chin, his hair.

It was minutes before Jasper actually started listening to the words. It was longer before he started to turn his head, letting Edward press tiny kisses against his lips.

Tiny kisses, like Garrett's first kisses.

But this wasn't his house, his room in Texas. If Edward's father caught them now, all that would happen was the breakfast table would be a little awkward in the morning. There would be no bruises, no bloody shirts and no sitting outside on the lawn, trying to come to terms with the fact that a handful of kisses had cost him everything.

Edward was content to move slowly, waiting for Jasper's ragged breathing to calm and for his tears to dry as they kissed. Little pecks became slow, heated, wanting lips.

Every time his fear would start to get the better of him, Jasper would silently repeat Edward's words to himself. Then he would remember that he wasn't a scrawny, helpless, teenage boy anymore. He knew how to defend himself, and if anyone wanted to hurt him because of this, because of who he was, well, he could kick their fucking ass.

Eventually, they were laying on their sides, hands beginning to roam over bare chests. Their kisses became noisier, though still quiet enough not to draw attention. If anything, those soft mewling sounds could be even more erotic than the louder moans they had elicited from each other before. With the heat rising off their skin, the humidity that clung to the air between them, making their bodies slick, and heavy, it was easier for Jasper to let go of the anxiety.

Edward put his arm around Jasper's waist, pulling him close. With one hand he rubbed the other man's cloth-covered thigh while the other hand lifted. He traced the outline of Jasper's full lips with the pad of a single finger, enjoying the tickling sensation of the light stubble around the other man's mouth. He swallowed once, making sure he was in control of his need for Jasper before he spoke. "We can stop if you're not comfortable."

"I'm okay," Jasper murmured back to him. He wasn't completely fine. The underlying string of nerves was still there, underneath his skin, but he was calm enough to not let that be his primary emotion. "I'm so sorry. This trip...this shouldn't be about me."

Edward silenced Jasper's apologies with his lips, kissing him long and slow again. "You don't know what having you here has meant to me. Don't apologize." He kissed him again. "I'm sorry that I scared you."

Jasper laughed without humor. "That was  _not_ your fault. I honestly...I just didn't know that this would happen," he whispered, sounding lost himself. "You were right. This is the first time I've been outside my little bubble...and it's..."

"It's terrifying," Edward finished when Jasper couldn't.

That was when Jasper realized something. He didn't have to be strong all the time. He had people in his life who he could be weak with, because he had people in his life that he could trust that far. Maybe he didn't have his parents to return to if he ever faltered on his own, but he did have Rosalie and Emmett. He did have Edward.

His safe harbor.

It was a comfort to Jasper that he could still recognize the beauty of just what it meant when a person cared for you. Here Edward was, comforting him though it should have been the other way around.

No - they could comfort each other.

Jasper shifted his hips against Edward and he kissed him. Edward responded readily, pressing back so their rapidly swelling cocks were only separated by two layers of thin fabric.

They reached for each other at the same time, Edward working Jasper's pants down quickly while Jasper simply reached inside the other man's.

Edward brought a finger to Jasper's mouth and gently pressed against his lips. Understanding what he wanted, Jasper darted his tongue out, lapping at Edward's finger before taking it in his mouth. The younger man worked it in and out while Jasper nipped lightly. Edward added another finger, repeating the process for a moment as Jasper's hands traced his length with teasing touches.

The hand that Edward had wrapped around Jasper followed the trail of his spine, making the singer moan as pleasurable shivers coursed through him. As he did that, Edward let his moist fingers travel back down to Jasper's cock where ran them around his base.

As he moaned, recapturing Edward's lips to muffle the noise, Jasper let his hand cup and fondle the younger man's balls. He stroked them with one hand, like he would his guitar when he was playing an easy, soft-paced song. With his other hand he began to pump Edward, playing out the same rhythm.

Edward let the hand that wasn't wrapped around Jasper's cock drift down the other man's back, caressing and titillating as it went. He ghosted his hand over the singer's ass, testing to make sure that Jasper wouldn't tense again, that he wasn't pushing him too far. He unwrapped his arm from around Jasper long enough to stick his fingers in his own mouth, moistening them. He let his now slick fingers circle the rim of Jasper's entrance, and the older man bucked against his hand, his noises becoming more fervent as they kissed.

As Edward probed gently with his fingers, Jasper let his rhythm quicken, working the bronze-haired man with alternating firm squeezes along his shaft. He drew patterns across and around Edward's balls with the fingers of his other hands.

It felt a lot like teenage exploration, except without all the fear that had been associated with Jasper's adolescence. They would shush each other when moans threatened to get too loud. They would laugh quietly together when their hands got clumsy, when Jasper stopped working Edward to ride a wave of intense pleasure or when Edward's hand would jerk in reaction to something Jasper did to him.

Jasper came first, spilling into Edward's hand as his hips bucked in one, two, three strong quakes. As he was coming down off his high, he let his hands pump Edward's length at a hard, fast pace until the younger man threw his head back, a strangled cry coming from his mouth.

They lay on their sides, as their breathing regulated again. Jasper smiled softly, realizing that the strange panic attacks hadn't overtaken him. Edward smiled back, having received the reassurance he needed that he was doing the right thing.

Reluctantly, Edward got up and pulled Jasper with him to the bathroom attached to the bedroom. He let Jasper clean him up, gently wiping his fingers clean with a wet washcloth as they kissed languidly by the sink. Then Edward took the cloth and returned the favor, stalling because he didn't want to leave Jasper, but he also knew better than to push.

Besides, he was in need of a new pair of pajama pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sigh. So, it seems Edward and Jasper were in agreement with y'all and they wouldn't let Peter speak yet. Which - I'm not so sure is a bad thing. The boy does need to sit and think real, real, real hard, doesn't he?
> 
> So... next chapter is supposed to be the last chapter. I think that is still the case, but that all depends on my boys. Either way, there will be an epilogue.
> 
> Thank you to josieswan and bmango for their input on this chapter. And thanks to jadedandboring for beta.
> 
> Can y'all do me a favor? Send good, positive thoughts in jadedandboring's direction for me, yeah?
> 
> Thanks. Let me hear from you!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me.

It took Edward four days more to do everything he needed and wanted to do. He'd taken Jasper to all the places that meant something to him in Chicago. He'd been born there and spent his boyhood in this house. For a time when Edward was a teenager, his family had lived in Forks, Washington - where he'd met Bella, but when Edward and Bella had gone off to school in Chicago, his parents and come back to the house they still owned.

Most of Edward's things were in storage. Before he'd wandered away from home, he and Bella had shared a nice apartment near the University. When it became clear that his sojourn would keep him away for an indefinite amount of time, Bella had opted to find a small apartment of her own rather than let Edward sustain the larger apartment he wasn't even using.

Though he didn't press Edward, Jasper knew that the other man was waiting for Bella to call. He knew that Edward would want to see Bella in person to answer any question face to face. But, eventually, Jasper had to tell Edward that he needed to get back. He had a job, and students who depended on him.

The morning they were set to leave - a relatively small trailer hitched to Edward's shiny, silver Volvo - Bella appeared at the end of the Cullens' driveway. She looked drawn and tired. She looked heartbroken. While Jasper's heart certainly went out to her, he couldn't help but be glad that she had appeared. If he hadn't been able to talk to her before they left, Edward would have had to live with the regret and uncertainty that much longer.

So, while Edward sat with Bella on a swing in the middle of his mother's garden, Jasper watched the back of their heads from the kitchen table. They were leaning toward each other, everything about their posture telling a story of familiarity and the loss of something beautiful.

Jasper was so wrapped in his own thoughts that he jumped a mile when the chair across the table from him scraped across the floor. His head snapped face forward watching as Esme sat down. Though the anxiety had certainly lessened the more time he'd spent around Edward's parents, it hadn't faded completely, so Jasper's voice was timid when he spoke. "Hey," he greeted.

She smiled at him, a friendly gesture before she gazed out at her son and sighed. "My poor kids. What I wouldn't give to take away their pain," she murmured absently.

"You think of Bella as your own?" Jasper asked quietly, pushing aside the thoughts of his own mother and whether or not she even thought of him now.

Esme nodded, looking toward Jasper with a soft and thoughtful expression. "Bella is very easy to love. That won't change, no matter what happens between them," she nodded at the couple in the garden.

Then she surprised Jasper by reaching out and putting her soft, warm hand over his. He was startled, but it had been so long since he'd known a mother's gentle touch that he didn't pull away. "I'm sure you know, Jasper, that my son is a very unique, very special young man. He doesn't always connect with people very well. I always knew that whoever he brought home must be as special as he is, and most definitely worth loving."

She squeezed his fingers then, tight so that he couldn't help but hear what she was really saying. Then she got up again, saying something about needing a cup of tea.

It was one thing for a mother to accept her son, loving him unconditionally. Though Jasper's own mother hadn't given him that much, the concept was one he understood on a logical level. It was something wholly different for a mother to extend her acceptance and unconditional love to a near complete stranger, and for long minutes Jasper's brain struggled to comprehend.

At first, he could not understand how she could look at him and see anything but the man who had taken her son into his bed and forever changed the things he would want in life. She loved Bella and had looked forward to a future of seeing her son happily married, had probably envisioned grandchildren with Bella's thick hair and her son's green eyes. She so easily could have seen Jasper as the man who'd taken all that away - made her son abnormal.

Instead, she was promising him with those few words that she would love him because Edward saw something there to love.

It was, perhaps, the most profound gift Jasper had ever received in his life.

~0~

It was early afternoon before Edward and Jasper were ready to leave.

Bella had left a little after noon, teary-eyed as she gently turned down Esme's offer of lunch. Edward sat down at the table, but didn't touch the food his mother set in front of him. He stared down at it instead until his emotions brimmed over into quiet tears he didn't quite have the strength to wipe away.

Jasper watched Carlisle and Esme fold their son into their arms, comforting him with gently murmured words.

Esme packed up their nearly untouched lunches so they could eat on the road, and before long they all stood out on the driveway.

While Edward said his goodbyes to his mother, Jasper thanked Carlisle for his hospitality. He was looking down at his feet like a little boy who expected to be scolded, but it was a definite improvement from the terror he'd felt in the man's presence only days before. If Carlisle noticed, he didn't say so. He simply took Jasper's hand, shaking it warmly in both of his and thanked him for making the trip with his son. "I'll rest easier knowing he won't have to make the journey on his own."

Jasper couldn't help but wonder if Carlisle meant the drive back to Texas or the larger, life journey Edward seemed to be on presently.

Before he could think much about it, Esme shocked him again by hugging him fiercely. "Take care, Jasper, and thank you."

For the space of a few heartbeats, Jasper let himself hug her back, basking in the maternal warmth the woman radiated. It was like being able to take a deep breath for the first time in years.

Then, they were on the road.

The two and a half days it took them to get back to Austin were very quiet. Edward had retreated into himself, his thoughts far away as he watched the countryside fly by outside of his window when he wasn't driving. Jasper, figuring that Edward would talk when he was ready, was lost in his own thoughts, feeling uncertain about his life for the first time in a long time. They talked, but only barely.

Still, when they stopped for the night, despite the fact that both times the hotels they stayed in automatically gave them a room with two beds, Edward would always crawl into Jasper's bed before the night was over. He didn't ask for anything, verbally or otherwise, seeming content when Jasper merely held him close. Truthfully, Jasper was glad that he did. He felt adrift, and Edward's warm, hard body against his felt like a buoy he clung to in choppy waters.

They got home late and crashed at Jasper's apartment. The singer couldn't help but be glad that he had one more night. The next night, Edward would presumably sleep alone at his own place.

As previously arranged, Jasper went to Edward's apartment right after his last class in the early afternoon. The younger man hadn't brought a lot for his new home. It wouldn't take them that long at all to get everything set up.

The apartment that Edward had chosen was not a lot larger than Jasper's, maybe just a little nicer. On the trip down, he had talked about how he didn't like living off his trust fund in the first place, and so he was certainly not going to go for something extravagant even if he could afford it. His parents had raised him under the concept of noblesse oblige - to he whom much has been given, much was expected. He wanted to be a contributing member of society - not another rich bitch waste of skin.

He said he had been thinking about what he wanted to do. He knew that there had been things he'd liked about the thought of being a doctor. He wanted to help people, but the medical field just didn't hold passion for him.

"Maybe some type of social work," he'd mused at one point during the trip. Then he'd scowled. "But that's probably a bad idea. I don't think I could stop myself from punching people like your father."

He was at the point where he couldn't go back to school without knowing what his major would be. He'd thought of getting a job for the sake of having one but figured that, in the present economy, jobs should go to people that needed them to live.

So, not wanting to waste his parents' money just because he could and stuck until he nailed down his aspirations and passions, Edward had settled on the bare necessities of what he needed.

The only thing of excess that Edward seemed to own was the king sized bed that took up nearly all of his little room. Once it was all set up, it looked welcoming and comfortable.

There was a discernible change in the atmosphere between them as the day wore on. It was the subtle shift when you know that some part of your life just wouldn't work anymore. Like crushes faded or habits simply stopped - there was not a lot on the earth that would last forever.

Somewhere in the last few days their relationship had become fuzzy. They were friends, but beyond that they were balancing on the precipice of redefining their relationship.

Their conversation dwindled to simple commands. Pivot this way, hold that end, that box goes there.

The current that flowed around them was a heady thing, physical with the emotions and desires that ran through them both. Their day of exertion left them with the lust-inducing musk of sweat and man. At some point during the day they'd shed their shirts and both only wore white wife beaters that clung to the moisture on their skin. Their muscles were more defined than usual, fresh from the work out of lifting furniture and boxes.

The fear and tinge of terror that change, no matter how positive, always brought added a neediness to the current that flowed between them. Though neither of them wanted to admit it, they were desperate for each other. Without speaking they knew that tomorrow would be different - they would be different. Whatever they had been to each other to that point would have to be reshaped. Time and experience had taught them that relationships, friendships and otherwise, could be lost in the shifting kaleidoscope of what they needed and wanted in their lives.

When everything that could be unpacked was organized and put up or away, they stalled. Edward wanted to scream  _stay_ but he knew he shouldn't. Wasn't that the point of all of this in the first place? To give each other a healthy amount of space?

Jasper opened his mouth to say that he needed to go, but no sound came out. He couldn't make his lips form the words. Instead he leaned heavily against the wall.

Edward took a step toward the other man. They were only a few strides apart. He tried to say goodbye, but instead he said, "Stay tonight," in a whisper that didn't match the volume the words had in his head.

"Are you afraid of the dark?" Jasper teased, but his eyes were on Edward's lips and he didn't say no.

Slowly, Edward took a step, then another, then another. Their warm bodies brushed and the scent coming off their skin was maddening. Like sharks inhaling blood, a frenzied hunger began to simmer, bubbling up from their cores.

Jasper closed his eyes, trying to fight the urge to grab and kiss and lick and...devour. He tried to breathe deeply but that only succeeded in adding kindling to the growing fire in his belly. Edward's face was close enough that the few days growth of whiskers on the younger man's face brushed the singer's skin.

And then Jasper couldn't resist. He kissed Edward - a hard, long kiss - but did not deepen it.

It was all the invitation Edward needed. When Jasper released his lips he simply moved down to the other man's neck, kissing first one side and then the underside of his chin. He would let his tongue slide out between his puckered lips, flicking it against Jasper's stubbled skin.

Jasper's breath got ragged and his hands found Edward's waist. He dug his fingers into Edward's sides, pulling him forward almost roughly so their bodies were aligned. Automatically they fell into a slow, teasing rhythm that allowed for the best friction. Jasper's hands traveled up under Edward's shirt, alternately caressing - the light fingertip touches making Edward laugh against his neck - and squeezing when the pleasure he felt made him gasp.

"Stay," Edward whispered again when his lips had kissed and licked their way to Jasper's ear.

"This is what you might call coercion, darl," Jasper murmured, but he only pressed Edward to him tighter.

In response, Edward worked his hands in between them, undoing the button of Jasper's jeans and sliding the zipper down. He looked the other man in the eye. "Tell me you'll stay," he requested quietly.

Jasper let out a light whimper. "I'll stay," he said, and truthfully he didn't want to go anywhere.

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Edward dropped to his knees, pulling the other man's jeans down with him.

Jasper groaned, the noise long and low in his throat. "You should get a pillow or something," he murmured distractedly. "For your knees." But instead of letting Edward up he put both of his hands in the younger man's hair, running his fingers through it and stroking his thumbs behind his ears.

Edward looked up at him and the effect was...well, dazzling. Seeing the beautiful man on his knees, his face tilted up, so that Jasper could see every fine feature, his eyes lit with pure want - it was enough to make the singer's cock twitch in his boxer shorts and his heart swell in his chest. The younger man grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "I don't plan to be down here long enough to hurt myself."

"Is that a fact?" Jasper asked, breathy as Edward tugged his boxers down and his cock was freed of its confines. "Not to doubt your performance," the last word cut off with a low whine as Edward's mouth closed over his tip, "But... oh, fuck... this usually takes longer than a few minutes."

Releasing his tip, Edward looked up at Jasper again, blinking his long lashes slowly. He let his fingers trace up and down Jasper's length as he spoke. "I want you inside me," he rasped.

"Fuck, you're so hot," Jasper swore as Edward's lips wrapped around his cock again. He stroked the underside of Edward's chin. "You don't have to work so hard to get me worked up, darl."

Again, Edward released him and Jasper was starting to think that now wasn't the time for conversation. But Edward kept his lips against the warm skin of shaft, holding it up with the pads of his fingers. As he spoke, the vibration caused a whole knew sensation to run through Jasper, making the singer gasp. "I know that. But I like the way you taste." He darted his tongue out, licking Jasper's length from base to tip, taking care to swirl around the frenulum with increased pressure. "And I like the sounds you make for me," he murmured, smiling when Jasper whimpered.

Then Edward and Jasper both shut up, each losing spoken word to hums and gasps of pleasure. Jasper's fingers coasting along Edward's ears, his neck, his chin...tracing the other man's features, elicited soft, vibrating moans and whimpers. In turn, Edward's lips and tongue and hands working around Jasper's cock made the singer throw his head back a little too hard more than once.

Though he swore he would take the pain if Edward would just keep doing that, the younger man laughed and stood, ignoring his whine of protest. Edward kissed him to shut him up, wrapping his long fingers around Jasper's cock and pumping slowly. Jasper plunged his tongue into the other man's mouth, tasting his own salty skin there as his hands tugged at Edward's undershirt.

"Come with me," Edward said breathlessly between kisses. He started trying to tug Jasper toward the bedroom.

Instead, Jasper put his hands at Edward's waist and spun them so their positions were reversed and the bronze-haired man's back was against the wall. "You let me take you right here and I'll come anytime you want," he growled in Edward's ear as his hands rubbed the other man through his still on jeans.

"Fuck." This time it was Edward who threw his head back as Jasper bit down lightly on his neck. "I just...oh, Jesus," he mumbled, distracted as Jasper's deft fingers unbuttoned his jeans and started to pull them down. "I wanted to see you while... I mean, I don't know, the logistics of wall sex seem...impossible face to face. Maybe it works, I mean I'm not that experienced," he babbled.

"Shh," Jasper murmured, silencing Edward with a kiss. "Okay," he agreed. He took Edward's hand and tugged him away from the wall, kicking off his boxers and jeans as he did. As they walked, or rather stumbled, to the bedroom, Edward fished a small packet of lube out of his jeans pocket before sliding them off.

Jasper laughed. "Did you plan this, Edward?" he asked, his voice low and suggestive.

Edward flushed and laughed nervously. "I didn't plan on this, honestly. I just found it when I was putting everything away." He licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "Fortuitous is what we should call it. I don't have anything else."

"Hmmm," Jasper responded, pulling Edward against him. "Unlucky for you, I think," he rumbled against the other man's ear. He used the tip of his tongue to trace the shell of Edward's ear, enjoying the way the younger man trembled in his embrace. "I would have had to lick you good and proper if you hadn't had this."

While Edward tried to restart his thought process, Jasper laid back on the bed, laughing quietly at the shocked look on the other man's face. "Come here, darl. Come and kiss me."

Slowly, Edward slid out of his boxers and knelt on the bed. He crawled up, his knees on either side of Jasper, until he could press their bodies together. His kisses were shy because, again, he found himself out of his depth.

But as always, Jasper was nothing but patient. He kissed Edward languidly, his lips unhurried as if his cock wasn't rock hard and ready to go twenty minutes prior. He let his hands follow the outline of Edward's lightly muscular body, calming and soothing.

As their cocks brushed against each other in a more urgent rhythm, Jasper let his fingers trail downward. He cupped Edward's ass, one cheek in each palm, and spread him, kneading. Edward moaned into his mouth. Knowing he was ready, Jasper grabbed at the little packet of lube and tore it. He coaxed the slick liquid onto his fingertips and then began running the pads of his fingers up and down Edward's crack, stopping to probe his entrance lightly.

"Scoot up here a little," Jasper directed.

Reluctant to stop kissing Jasper but eager to feel his cock replace his fingers, Edward crawled up the other man's body, supporting his weight on his arms.

Jasper peppered soft kisses across Edward's chest as he positioned his cock at the younger man's entrance. "You're in control here, baby," he murmured against Edward's chest. "You go as slow or fast as you like."

Slowly at first, testing out this new position, Edward took more of Jasper's cock in. They both moaned in mutual pleasure - Edward thrilling to the sensation of being stretched and filled in the best way, all of his nerve endings thrumming with pleasant vibrations and Jasper reveling in the feel of something so tight and warm wrapping around him.

As Edward worked his way back down he kissed Jasper's forehead. The singer let his hands run from Edward's hips down to his ass, guiding him into an easy tempo as he began to thrust gently.

They began to rock together faster and Jasper reached between them, stroking Edward's cock in intervals, distracted when a particularly strong pang of ecstacy raced down his spine. The unpredictable movement of Jasper's hands over him combined with the steady, hard thrusts the other man was making up into him actually caused an ideal reaction. If Jasper had been able to pump him in time with his other movements, the duel sensation would have taken Edward over the edge quickly. Instead, he was able to hold out, bringing Jasper to orgasm a full minute before he let go himself.

Just as he'd wanted, Edward was able to watch Jasper's eyes roll back in his head as he came inside him.

It was the image he'd wanted to treasure, just in case.

When they had caught their breath, Jasper stood and brought Edward to his feet. "Let's break in the bathroom," he suggested mischievously.

Grinning, Edward followed Jasper eagerly.

But in the shower the atmosphere between them began to change again, taking on that tinge of desperation that had dogged them all that afternoon. Their arms wound around each other, they chased away the sheen of sweat, replacing the strong musk with the lighter scent of Irish Spring. With tender hands, Jasper ran his soapy fingers down Edward's ass, washing away the remnants of their night together.

As if they were on the same wavelength, Edward suddenly clung to Jasper. He laid his head on the other man's shoulder and simply breathed him in, letting the hot water course over them and between them. Jasper held him just as tightly, his hands splayed over the bronze-haired man's back and his head resting against Edward.

Neither of them spoke.

Eventually, Edward turned the water off and they stepped out, but they were both needy for each other. They hardly let an inch of space get between them as they took turns drying each other off. Jasper tried to smile as he ruffled Edward's hair with the towel, but it was half-hearted.

One way or another, things were going to change. There was no stopping that, and they both knew it.

Naked and slightly chilled, they both went back to Edward's bed and climbed under the covers. Then they kissed, their bodies pressed together, matching each other line for line. They kissed until sleep inevitably took them.

The next morning Jasper tried to be quiet, not wanting to disturb Edward, but when he looked over to the bed as he hopped into his pants, he could see that the other man was awake and watching him. Trying to shake the oppressive feeling that he was walking away from something that gave him great pleasure, Jasper forced a smile. "Good morning, darl."

"Hey," Edward said back, his voice scratchy and sexy as he blinked the remnants of sleep away. "Leaving?"

"Work," Jasper explained, wondering why he felt suddenly defensive.

Edward nodded slowly. His face was such a contradiction at that moment. He looked like a doe-eyed little boy, uncertainty and a little fear painting his features in a way that made Jasper ache to comfort him. At the same time, he had two days worth of beard on his face, making him look older and tired, but also strong and sexy. It made Jasper want to crawl back into bed and kiss him and have him again.

But he couldn't do that anymore, and they both knew it.

"It's going to be weird being alone tonight," Edward almost whispered, verbally acknowledging what they'd both been thinking for days now.

"I could come over," Jasper blurted before he thought about what he was saying.

"You know that's not a good idea," Edward said regretfully.

"I know."

Edward sat up slowly, leaning back against his headboard and pulling his knees up close to his chest He wrapped his arms around his legs over the sheet that covered his lower body and looked out the window as he gathered his thoughts. "You know that saying, 'today is the first day of the rest of your life'? I'm really feeling that today," he murmured quietly.

"Yeah," Jasper agreed, his voice just as soft and a little scared.

"There's a lot that I still don't know…and part of me thinks that's okay. That's the way it should be. I shouldn't have all the answers, or else what's the point of the rest of my life?" Edward mused.

Then he turned his head so he was looking at Jasper. His eyes carried the uncertainty that had first caught the singer's attention, but there was an underlying determination behind them. "There are a few things I do know though. I know that the person that I was just a few months ago is not who I want to be. I don't want to be a doctor. I want Bella in my life, always - but not in the way we talked about when we were moon-eyed teenagers...and if she doesn't want me, if she can't have me that way, I want to have grown from the boy who wouldn't have understood that into the man who knows he can't always have it his way.

"There are some things that haven't changed. I still want what my parents have. I want a fulfilling career and the pride and admiration of my peers. I want kids - I want to be able to hold my child in my arms; watch them grow; be responsible for teaching them to be good people. And I want someone by my side who wants those same things - who wants to weather every storm life throws at us together and enjoy every sunny day in between."

"Edward…" Jasper started, nervous about where Edward was going with this line of thinking.

The bronze-haired man raised his hand, stopping Jasper's protest. "Please, let me finish okay? This isn't easy, and I'm really afraid that I'm messing things up between us. I want to be your friend; I want to be there for you always like you've been there for me. But…I'm not going to deny that I think about other things.

"I understand that you need time. Honestly,  _I_ need time. And I know it would be complicated because of what we've already been to each other. But if you just considered it…we could see how well we fit together personally," he said, smiling crookedly as he thought about it.

"You know, we could… just try dating," he said, almost shy. Then his smile fell and his eyebrows knitted together. Jasper could see he was nervous. "I don't know - maybe with time we'll figure out that we don't want to be that to each other. But I'd love to give us the chance."

Taking deep, calming breaths, Jasper tried to taper down his panic. He was thinking too many things at once. Part of him ached to say yes, right then and there, but more of him was simply too up in the air to even consider it. He knew he was still in love with Peter, his heartache over the older man still fresh and raw. He knew he was confused about what he wanted and how strong he could be. There was no part of him that wanted to lose Edward entirely, and he feared that a quick 'No' would send the other man running.

Swallowing thickly to make sure that his voice wouldn't waiver, Jasper spoke softly. "Edward…you didn't come back here just to wait for me, did you?"

"No," Edward answered quickly. "No, I got this apartment for me. What I told you before is true – right now, it's where I want to be. The reason that I left Bella, left home, in the first place was because I knew I couldn't be good for anyone if I wasn't making decisions that were the best for myself, and my life.

"I'm going to do the things I need to do for myself, and I sincerely hope that you're going to do the same, regardless. I'm not asking you to think about us as a unit. I'm not asking you for a relationship. What I'm asking you is to get to know me outside the bedroom. We can find out if we're compatible in all levels of life." He grinned again, a fond, wistful expression.

"I suppose, all I'm saying is that I'm here. I'm interested. We can go slow, in fact, I'd  _want_ to go slow. Like it would have been if we'd started this off…I don't know, normally," he smiled at the term. "It's all up to you, Jasper. For now, I'm here. I signed a six month lease on my apartment. After that, I can't make any promises."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ohhh what will Jasper say? Where is Peter? IS THIS REALLY THE LAST CHAPTER?
> 
> No...no it's not. Because Jasper would NOT stfu. Apparently, I have one more chapter and an epilogue left to go. And this time, I mean it. For cereal. Jasper Whitlock. Peter Damon. I'm talking to you... cooperate. Edward is not nearly this picky about how his part of the story is going to go, and that's EDWARD. He's the persnickety motherfucker usually.
> 
> I love jadedandboring because she is uber leet beta of the quickness. I'm so spoiled. And thanks to the fandom peeps who contributed to the fascinating discussion of how much lube is really necessary. Very enlightening. I chortle.
> 
> Make me a happy girl. Click the button. Please.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay. I know it's been a while since we've spoken to Peter, but let me remind you that everything that happened with Edward and Jasper took place over the course of a week (give or take) - the DAY after Peter last saw Jasper. So it really hasn't been that long.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me.

Peter went back to see Jasper three days after their disastrous last meeting. He knew he'd made a mistake, again. He didn't know exactly what his mistake was, but he knew he had to fix it. How he was going to do that was another mystery. He was thinking...

Well, he wasn't really thinking. What he knew was that the instant he was in the car and speeding in Jasper's direction, he felt better. Not good, far from good, but better. The last three days had been heavy with the shroud of wrong, off balance, out of step. This made sense. It was the only thing that made sense.

Of course, when he got there, Jasper was no where to be found. His work said he was on vacation. Peter tried the apartment next. It was cold and silent. Finally, he went to the Cherry Pit.

He didn't find Jasper. He did find Emmett.

When Emmett saw him coming, he stood and got right in Peter's face, holding himself at his full, intimidating height - shoulders squared and hands clenched into fists. "I think you should go now," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Peter stood his ground, quietly asking, then outright pleaded with the larger man to tell him where Jasper was.

Emmett's harsh expression softened slightly and he sighed. He could see that Peter was suffering. He knew the man cared for Jasper; it was written all over his face. With another sigh, he gestured with his head that Peter should follow him.

When they were outside, away from the noise and prying ears, Emmett leaned against the wall, regarding the other man with sadness. "I suppose it's a point in your favor."

"What's that?" Peter asked uncertainly.

"That you would stand here when you have to know I was this close to punching you." Emmett held his fingers barely an inch apart. "You either have a death wish or you've got something fairly important on your mind."

"I just…" Peter struggled to find the right words. He was so out of sorts and on top of being confusing, it was frustrating. He was used to being sure of himself, supremely confident. He had no idea what he was doing just then. He was mostly running on instinct and the unknown made everything a little scary. "I need to see him. I can't let things end like that," he said as if he were admitting a great weakness.

"What do you want from him?" Emmett asked after a pause.

Peter couldn't answer right away. His mind had been rejecting and denying what he felt for Jasper, outside of the immediate pleasure and release of the sex, for too long. He didn't have the words for what he wanted in his heart of hearts. "I don't want to have nothing with Jasper," he said finally. That was the only thing he did know. He didn't want to imagine his life without Jasper in it.

At that, Emmett slumped against the wall slightly, sighing again. "Look, Peter… I don't think you're an asshole, okay? I get it. Things get complicated fast. I know a thing or two about making mistakes and hurting people you don't want to hurt. That being said man…you gotta let him go."

All the air left Peter as if Emmett  _had_ punched him in the stomach. He stared at the ground, feeling light headed.

"Don't waste his time and then say you care about him. The longer he's stuck on you, the longer it will be until he can find something…steady," Emmett added with uncharacteristic gentleness.

Again, Peter didn't respond. He wanted to argue but he couldn't, not logically. What was he going to say? He wanted things to go back to the way they were – where he could have Jasper at his own convenience? That wasn't fair, and he knew it. The word 'friends' was stuck somewhere in the back of his throat. He couldn't say that he wanted to be Jasper's friend. It would never be enough. And yet…what Jasper wanted just seemed so impossible.

"He's not in town right now," Emmett continued. "Now get the hell out of here before Rosalie sees you. She'll tear you apart first and ask questions later."

Peter opened his mouth, about to ask where Jasper had gone, but the harsh expression on the other man's face had him rethinking that action. Instead, he just nodded. Though it felt like he was headed back to the vicinity of wrong he'd been existing in lately, Peter got in his car and pointed it back toward Austin.

He couldn't stop wondering where Jasper was.

Had he run away somewhere isolated in the face of Peter's rejection?

Had he run somewhere that could help him forget?

Maybe it had nothing to do with Peter at all. Maybe... what if he was with Edward?

It was safe to say that Peter was driving himself crazy thinking of the what ifs. He called Jasper repeatedly, but the singer never answered. Peter always considered leaving a voicemail but he couldn't think of anything to say that wasn't pathetic or creepy.

Peter tried to work but more often than not found himself with his phone is his hand. When he wasn't calling, he was staring at it, willing it to ring.

Then he was frustrated. He didn't understand what was wrong with him. Of course he was upset, that much he could at least accept, but his obsessive behavior was irritating. How many times had he witnessed this exact same behavior - in women and men both - and shaken his head? Now he was the one doing it.

Now he understood. It was maddening. He felt madness like a tingle under his skin. It made him restless, and he found himself squirming in his seat no matter where he was. It clouded his mind; reports he was working on took twice and three times the usual time to do.

His madness existed on several levels. There was this feeling - this rip-out-your-hair, frustrating feeling - that there had to be the right set of words and actions that could fix what was broken between him and Jasper. It had been good once, it could be good again. If only Jasper would talk to him. All he needed was for the other man to pick up the phone - just once. They could work it out.

There was the devastating hopelessness. Would he never see Jasper again? The idea was unfathomable, but it could happen. And it hurt. It was a pain that Peter hadn't ever felt before. It was the burning pressure in your lungs when you held your breath, except that no amount of breathing could relieve you. It was an ache that went so deep it was beyond your bones, except there was no pain reliever strong enough to alleviate it. It was the kind of pain that made it difficult to do anything but experience it. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat.

And what made it worse was Jasper's words echoing in his head.  _"I'm in love with you."_

He heard those words and he would remember Jasper in the early mornings - before Edward - stroking his cheek with the back of his hand. Peter would remember those few afternoons at his house - when he and Jasper came together with intensity and need.

Peter thought about having that everyday, and he missed Jasper so much that he couldn't even breathe. He'd gasped out loud more than once because the pain was so physical it was crippling.

Days turned into weeks. Jasper never answered. Peter eventually managed to convince himself to stop calling. He actually made it halfway to Jasper's apartment once before he forced himself to turn back around. But he did turn around, in the end.

He tried to convince himself that Jasper's way was better. A clean break was better. There really wasn't anything to say. There wasn't any place Jasper fit in his life. It was time to nip this thing in the bud. It was time to return to his normal life. No more half lives. No more shadows. No more little bars where he could pretend to be someone else.

As weeks turned into one month, then two, Peter discovered that he was right back where he had been over a year ago...except now, it was worse.

Over a year ago, right before he'd met Jasper, Peter had been feeling off, much the same way he was now. On the outside his life seemed enviable. He was successful. He was young and handsome. He had no problem with the ladies though he wasn't a whore like many of his peers. But there was just something missing. There was something wrong that he couldn't put his finger on.

It was worse now because he knew what was missing. Not just pleasure, but companionship and love. It was worse because he knew he'd had it and refused to acknowledge it.

Another thing he seemed to have lost, making his life just that much harder, was the tolerance he'd once had for people's intolerance. The gay jokes, the liberal and disparaging use of the word 'fag' - they used to be like a fly buzzing around your lunch, a mild irritant. He could easily let their ignorant remarks slide off his back. People were prone to stupidity; even the best of men weren't capable of avoiding it completely.

Now though, more often than not their comments set his teeth on edge. Peter found he was not only disgusted, but he was bitter.

It was like he had told Jasper - there was fantasy and there was reality. The reality was that a lot of people were uncomfortable, to say the least, about homosexuality. It was true that who Peter wanted to come home to should have no bearing on how comfortable people were with him at his job. It was reality that it did matter.

It was partially their fault that he couldn't have what he wanted. He couldn't have the career that he loved and the man who he loved - not while his career depended on the men he lead and the other business people he met being comfortable with him. You couldn't build a rapport, build trust, when people were nervous about you.

Somewhere along the line he had accepted that he was in love with Jasper.

God help him, he still didn't know what to do about that...even if Jasper would listen to him.

Two months turned into four months , and even Peter had to admit to himself that he was in bad shape. His co-workers irritated him too easily, and he'd snapped at them more than once. He slept too much, yet he was tired constantly. He ate too little, but he was never hungry. His clothes were undeniably looser on him, and the fact that it was just too tiring to shave every day left him looking a lot more unkempt than he ever had before.

People were starting to notice. His buddies would ask if he was okay, and Peter finally had to make something up. He said that his mother was sick, and he was just worried. They nodded at that, grown men understanding the fear of losing their mothers. They'd offered to take him out for a drink. He declined.

Six months has gone by before his boss finally stepped in.

"Peter," he said, "You haven't taken more than a day or two off in all the years you've worked here. I know you have a lot of vacation stored up. Maybe you should take a little time. Be with your mother."

"It's really not a problem, sir," Peter tried to say, but the look on his boss's face made him stop.

"It is quickly becoming a problem," the older man said, his tone gentle but deadly serious. "Look, son, you're an asset that this company doesn't want to lose but you've been a shell lately. Do you realize that the account you couldn't secure last week was a milk run? You haven't had trouble on an account like that since you were a new hire."

Shame and his boss's disappointment left a thick, sour taste on his tongue and a lump in his throat. He didn't answer.

"Take the rest of the week off. If you need longer than that, you let me know and we'll arrange it. You've more than earned a break, kid. There's no shame in that. Just get your head on straight and get back in the game," he'd said.

At first, Peter was numb. He'd driven home with hardly a thought in his head. All he felt, at first, was tired, and he wondered what the thick, sour coating on his tongue was. It took him a while to realize that it wasn't even there - not really.

It was the taste of failure.

He had never been...bad at his job. That was the one thing he'd clung to in the past few months of uncertainty and confusion - he was good at what he did. It was what he was sure of when he wasn't sure of anything in his life anymore.

What was the point of denying what he wanted when it was interfering with his work anyway?

Then, abruptly, Peter was unfathomably angry at Jasper. He was downright livid. The singer talked like he knew what a relationship should be. He was right that, if they were to have a relationship, Peter couldn't keep Jasper hidden in the shadows.

But Peter knew a thing or two about good relationships as well. He'd come from a loving, stable, two-parent home. His mother and father had a fantastic relationship and still loved each other demonstrably after thirty-five years of marriage. During his childhood he'd been a first hand witness to the way they supported each other.

Jasper wasn't supportive of Peter's job in the slightest. He had suggested more than once that if they were the kind of people who would completely change their positive view of Peter just because he had a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, maybe they weren't worth working for in the first place. What Jasper didn't understand – didn't  _want_ to understand – was that in most ways, his bosses and co-workers were great people to work for and with. He'd worked hard to establish himself in a company that did work he could honestly be proud of. He'd gained the trust and admiration of the other members of his company and other companies only through painstaking years of effort. He didn't want to start at the bottom again, and there was every possibility that he would have to.

No, the younger man didn't understand. While he enjoyed his work as a self-defense instructor, Jasper had no real passion for it. He was good at what he did, but it was also something he'd fallen into, almost accidentally. It wasn't something that he'd set as a goal when he was a teenager. It wasn't something he'd taken step by painstaking step to accomplish – from buckling down in college when a lot of his friends were partying, to doing all the grunt work without a word of complaint.

Peter was incredibly proud of all he'd accomplished. He was not even thirty yet, and was well on the fast track to becoming president of the company someday.

Jasper was not proud of that fact. Jasper wasn't really proud of Peter at all.

The more Peter thought about it, the angrier he got. Jasper was trying to put it all on him - as of his fears were all that was holding them back. What the younger man had offered was all or nothing. Asking Peter to go from an outwardly straight man, in a homophobic environment no less, to having a boyfriend was just entirely unreasonable.

By that time, Peter was pacing across the floor of his house, tumbler of whiskey in his hand.

His rational mind was warring with his heart. His heart was broken. His heart was bitter and angry. His heart wanted to call – no, fuck that. His heart wanted to drive to Jasper and tell him off. He wanted to shake the younger man because really – how dare he? How dare he sit on his high horse talking to Peter about what was fair when he wasn't being fair. How dare he try to act so superior when he wasn't even adult enough to talk it out?

His rational mind was trying to be reasonable. He shouldn't take any action when he was this worked up.  _If Jasper wanted to work things out he would have picked up the damn phone. For fuck's sake, put the phone down; you're only going to sound like a lunatic_.

Peter looked down, staring at the phone in his hand with incredulity. He wasn't even aware that he'd taken it out at some point during his frantic pacing.

Just as quickly as his anger had welled, it drained away from him. His shoulders drooped, sagging like a helium balloon slowly loses air. He sat heavily on his couch, aching again.

He wanted to talk to Jasper so badly. He wanted to hear his voice.

Needing a distraction, Peter quickly dialed the 800 number he'd seen scrawled on the side of taxi cabs. He'd been drinking too much to drive anyway, he told himself. He just needed to not think. He needed to go somewhere that was loud enough to drown out everything else.

He needed to get his booze on.

Peter arranged for a taxi to pick him up as quickly as possible and gave the cabby the name of a bar he'd been to before. It was away from the Texas A and M college scene and, more importantly, he had never been there with Jasper.

Not thinking was exactly what he did, but even then Jasper was never far away from his thoughts. He must have passed out at some point because he remembered getting to the bar, and the next thing he knew he had to be dreaming.

It was a dream of a memory. God, it felt so real though.

Looking back it might well have been the day he'd fallen in love with Jasper. That night was just...different than all the nights before it. It happened maybe a few months before Edward showed up.

At some point, Jasper had stopped greeting him with a smile and a simple kiss. He'd gotten to where his entire face would light up when Peter set foot in the bar. As soon as he could get off stage, he'd all but tackle the older man - his greeting kiss hard and urgent.

That night though... instead of their usual rip-your-clothes-off, hands-everywhere sex, their tempo had been a little slower - tender where it had only ever been vigorous. That was the first time Peter had found himself above Jasper with the younger man thrusting deep inside of him. It was the first time they were face to face.

When their eyes met, the pleasure that had been steadily building at Peter's core abruptly relocated to his chest. As they moved their bodies in sync with one an other, pressure built simultaneously. But unlike when they came - together, which was rare - the high that had built at the center of his chest didn't crest. Instead it seemed to get bigger - making him feel both frightened and elated. He'd laid his head on Jasper's chest, and his body was trembling. They were both still panting, Peter's head rising and falling with each breath the singer took.

They'd fallen asleep still in each others arms. It wasn't uncomfortable as Peter had previously assumed it would be. In fact, he couldn't seem to touch Jasper enough. He'd felt a peace that bordered on utopia that night - like he'd found something that was everything right in the world.

That morning Jasper had woken him up with kisses. They hadn't even messed around for the majority of the morning, instead just making out with their arms around each other - slowly, like lovers instead of fuck buddies.

The split second that consciousness returned to Peter was the happiest he'd been in a long, long time. He thought, for that one second, that he hadn't been dreaming. There was a warm body pressed against him and an arm around his waist and… breasts against his back.

Peter let out a breath, squeezing his eyes closed tighter and trying to figure out what the last thing he remembered was. He couldn't remember any women.

The warmth disappeared from his back and the bed shifted. "Sit up a little and you can have Advil and water," said a familiar voice.

"Charlotte," Peter murmured, his voice raw and dry. Then he groaned because he definitely had a hell of a hangover. He sat up slowly, testing to see if the dizziness would overwhelm him. When the world stayed relatively still behind his eyelids, he opened his eyes.

The curtains had been pulled tightly shut but the light seeping through seemed to indicate it was late morning at the earliest. The room was as dark as it could be, but still, what little light there was hurt. His bleary eyesight found Charlotte sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I have the good stuff for you, but it'll probably be better if you have something to eat with it. If I make you some toast do you think you'll keep it down?" she asked.

He took the glass of water and the pills she proffered, sipping before he answered. "Toast sounds great," he assured. His stomach twisted, half with hunger and half with a queasy protest. "Thank you, Char."

"You're welcome," she said, and then stood, striding out of the room.

Something was tugging at the edge of Peter's consciousness. There was something about Charlotte that was bugging him, but he couldn't tell exactly what that was.

It was probably because he couldn't figure out why she was there. He was sure that he'd been alone when he went into the bar the night before.

Charlotte came back in just a few minutes later with toast on a little plate. He tried to catch her eye so that he could look appropriately abashed. But she wasn't looking at him. Instead she studiously stared down at her toast, spreading butter with rapt attention.

Peter furrowed his eyebrows.

That was it…that was what was off. She had yet to look him in the eye. "Char… did I … do something  _really_ stupid last night?"

She scoffed and he could see her lips quirked upward. "You couldn't have done anything smart if you don't remember it," she pointed out. But she still wasn't looking at him.

Then Charlotte took a deep breath, concentrating on slowly, slowly pulling the crust off her toast. "Carmen called me," she said finally.

Breath left Peter in a whoosh. Carmen Arroyo was his co-worker. She was also good friends with Charlotte; she was how they'd met, in fact. He and Charlotte had often gone to events with Carmen and her husband, Eleazar. "I don't even remember her being there."

"I'm not surprised. You were already pretty drunk when she and Eleazar got there," Charlotte said quietly. "Don't worry. You weren't too obnoxious. Just loud, mostly. They called me because they don't know where you live."

Peter nodded and quickly regretted that. He rubbed his forehead. "Alright, what did I do when we were alone?"

"Nothing really," she soothed. "You let me put you in bed, you asked me to stay and I did."

"And?" he prompted.

"And what?" she countered.

"And why aren't you looking at me?" he asked quietly.

Charlotte's head shot up, and her cheeks flushed. She opened her mouth to deny his claim, but he was fixing her with a look that said he could see right through her. They knew each other well - intimately.

Or so she'd thought.

"Are you … gay?" Charlotte asked finally, her voice small.

The shock of her question hit Peter with the force of a tsunami wave. Now it was him opening his mouth to lie but nothing came out. He couldn't breathe and he panicked. If he couldn't breathe he couldn't speak. If he couldn't speak he couldn't shrug her question off.

"Hey, hey. Peter. Jesus, calm down," Charlotte said, a little panicked herself.

She was by his side in an instant, rubbing his back. Feeling light headed, Peter drew his knees up close to his chest and put his head down, trying to quell the dizziness. Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with him? What happened to being able to keep his cool?

"I'm not… I don't…" He stopped and forced himself to take several long, slow breaths. "Why would you say that?"

For a long minute Charlotte didn't answer. She kept on rubbing his back, calming him. "Last night you half woke up, or so I thought. You were kissing me, but then you started to say another name. A man's name."

Peter's breathing spiked again.

"You said you missed him and that you were sorry… and…" Her hand paused on his back. "You said you loved him."

It felt as if he couldn't get his lungs to work. It was exactly like when you were laughing so hard that you made no sound – you wanted to breathe but couldn't make your lungs cooperate. Except that instead of mirth it was fear. Pure, seared white fear.

"You need to breathe," Charlotte cried, startled again by his reaction. She thumped his back. "Just relax. It's okay."

Inhaling in desperate, noisy gasps, it was minutes before Peter could speak again. "How is it okay?" he rasped. "You can't even look at me. You."

She stood then, and Peter was sure she was going to leave. Instead she crawled back onto the bed so she was on her knees facing him. She put her hands on either side of his face and tugged gently until he looked up. "It's not the…gay thing," she assured. His eyes shot to hers, wide and more vulnerable than she'd ever seen him. "It isn't," she reaffirmed, hoping he could see her sincerity. He looked a little dubious and Charlotte sighed, sitting back slightly.

"It's just that I'd always hoped you and I…" she trailed off and then smiled at him ruefully, shrugging her shoulders.

The tightness in Peter's chest started to wane. "I didn't know you felt that strongly," he said softly. She had hinted at making their arrangement more permanent before, but he hadn't ever felt any strong feelings behind that sentiment.

She pursed her lips. "I don't know if I would call what I feel for you strong in the traditional sense. I'm not in love with you, for instance, but I've never thought it takes an 'in love' love to make a relationship work. We're well suited. I care for you; I do love you in a way. We want the same things. We understand each other. We can talk. I don't know, I suppose I always figured it would happen someday," she admitted. "But if you're gay, that obviously throws a wrench in the situation," she quipped.

"I'm not…" Peter started to say, but then he trailed off, unsure and not wanting to lie.

It wasn't that he hadn't thought about it. The day after he'd first met Jasper he'd been a little freaked out about it. Did kissing another man automatically mean he was gay? He had thought that it was something natural, something that you were either born with or weren't. In his first 27 years of life he hadn't been attracted to a man before Jasper. Oh, sure – he'd noticed, occasionally, a particularly toned body at the gym or the way one of his client's suits made him look particularly dapper, but surely that wasn't the same thing. At 27 he'd been far from a virgin. He'd bedded his fair share of women and had no problem identifying when he was lusting after one.

When he finally went back to the Cherry Pit, he'd been almost glad that Jasper wasn't there. He'd been flattered when James started blatantly hitting on him. Aside from that, he'd felt nothing. Then the night progressed and Peter found that he was eager to kiss James, not because he felt an attraction – he didn't – but because he wanted to see if it would feel good.

When James kissed him, he'd felt nothing.

It had been easy for Peter to believe that it was just Jasper. There was something about the other man. You only had to watch him on stage to see that he was a passionate, vibrant soul. That fervor that he just exuded was poured into every kiss and every touch. No, he was sure it was just Jasper.

Until, of course, Edward had showed up. When he had kissed Edward, he hadn't felt nothing. It wasn't the same as with Jasper, not even close, but the younger man had given him great pleasure. Not only that but Peter had found himself staring at Edward more than once, admiring his body and his face. Lusting.

But then, he had lusted after women. Hey eyed Charlotte and even then was able to appreciate the curves of her body, remembering the way she felt under his hands and surrounding him.

"I don't think I'm straight gay," he mumbled. Then he couldn't help but laugh. It was a choked, maniacal sound.

Charlotte giggled a little too, glad for the change in the tense atmosphere. Her face sobered after a moment. "But you are in love with a man?"

Again, Peter had to take deep breaths until the vice grip on his lungs loosened its hold. Charlotte really did seem to be comfortable with him still, but he was wound tight. "Yes," he whispered when he was calm.

His heart twisted painfully. It was the first time he'd admitted it out loud.

When he didn't continue on his own, Charlotte spoke again. "Carmen said you've been having a really hard time lately. She said your mom is sick. That's not true, is it?"

Peter shook his head slowly.

"Talk to me," she requested, her voice gentle but commanding.

It had been over a year that Peter had kept this secret. At first, the words tangled in his mouth – confused and disoriented that they were being let out into the sunlight. But once he started, he couldn't stop.

He told Charlotte the whole story. When tears welled and started falling, trickling, from the corners of his eyes, Peter felt he should have been horrified. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, let alone in front of someone. But he was just too tired, and he hurt too much.

So he let her in.

Peter didn't realize how much he'd needed someone to talk to. On top of being able to admit to fears he'd kept locked away, on top of being able to really acknowledge how utterly torn apart he felt, Peter found there was a very large benefit to talking to Charlotte.

Charlotte was very firmly Team Peter.

It was nice, for once, not to be regarded as the 'bad guy'. Jasper had always had friends in his camp, telling him almost from the beginning that Peter was bad news. He let himself imagine that they were probably standing by him now. It was probably them that urged him not to pick up the phone when Peter called.

But Charlotte understood. Of course, she acknowledged that he had made mistakes but had assured him that everyone did. Without having to tell her his thoughts from the previous day, Charlotte had pointed out Jasper's mistakes too, the largest of which was the way he totally disregarded just how important Peter's career was to him.

"Do you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing?" Peter asked hesitantly after he explained his fears about work.

"Oh, no," Charlotte said immediately. Peter recognized her analytical, business voice. "Your concerns are far from flighty. You're right on. I mean, legally they couldn't do anything to you, but it would definitely affect your ability to do your job. Not because of you, because of them."

Peter groaned.

"What?" Charlotte asked. "You want me to tell you it'll be easy?"

"Yes, I'd prefer it," Peter muttered. He had to admit to himself that he'd held a small shred of hope that he was blowing the issue out of proportion.

"Well, I make a habit not to lie," she said gently. "Peter, I'm a woman in a man's world. I'd love to be able to say that it's 2010, and discrimination isn't an issue, but that's not the case. I mean, when a client is transferred to me, more often than not they assume they've been transferred to the wrong person. They assume I'm another assistant and request 'Mr.' Davis." She shook her head, obviously a little bitter.

"That being said, I don't think it's impossible. It's not that these men are horrible, intolerant people. It's programming, mostly," Charlotte mused thoughtfully. "The whole machismo thing is so ingrained, and it's amazing what little it takes for them to feel threatened.

"Privately, it's none of their business," she continued. "But, if you did want to be with a man publicly, I think you need a thicker skin," she said bluntly. "Take it from me… they sense weakness, and you'll have no chance of making them respect you in spite of all the … fear – for lack of a better word – they would feel for you. If you want to find a balance, you're going to have to get to the point where you can walk into a function with your date on your arm, and have it not matter to  _you_ whether that person is male or female."

Peter said nothing. The very idea made him dizzy with a vague horror. Charlotte smiled again. "It's not easy. It's never been easy for me, you know, and that's not even the same thing as you'd be going through. I'd say, if you absolutely can't go down that road, then you should leave Jasper – or any other guy for that matter – alone. And that's a valid choice, you know. Some people choose to be alone, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. Look at George Clooney. He's a consummate bachelor."

At that Peter chuckled, but he still didn't speak.

"If you can fight that battle though – and I do think you can Peter, you're a strong man – then  _when_ you talk to Jasper, you need to stand firm on the things  _you_ need too. If Jasper is logical and loving at all, he should be able to understand you can't make the change overnight." She cupped his chin and made him look at her again. "You do know that you deserve someone who works to understand you – every part of you, right?"

He searched her eyes for a moment, the ache in his heart quieted just slightly by her words. It was nice to know that there were people who cared for him unconditionally. He put his hands over hers. "I know. Thank you." He pulled her to him then, hugging her tightly and gave a little laugh. "Do you know how much easier my life would be if I could just love you the way  _you_ deserve?"

Then it was Charlotte who had to laugh. "You know what they say, hon. Nothing worth having in life is easy, and five minutes of amazing is better than a whole lifetime of nothing special."

~0~

It had been nine months since Peter had seen Jasper.

Talking to Charlotte had helped tremendously in most respects. He was able to go back to work and concentrate. He was able to pull himself out of the funk enough to start dressing right again.

After work was harder. He hadn't stopped missing Jasper. Sometimes he could almost breathe through the ache. Sometimes, but not frequently.

Missing Jasper still hurt like a motherbitch.

Still, Peter kept his distance. Charlotte was right. Hell, Jasper and Emmett had been right before. While he wasn't ready to deal with the thought of being  _with_ another man it wasn't fair to string Jasper along.

Over the last few months Peter had been trying to wrap his mind around the idea that it was possible. Difficult, but possible. He could have a steady, good relationship with whomever he pleased and still keep his sights on furthering his career.

When the thought of people knowing didn't panic him anymore – it didn't particularly please him, but that was a bit much to ask of three months work – Peter decided that it was time to talk to Jasper.

It was Friday when Peter made the drive to the Cherry Pit for the last time.

A wave of nostalgia hit him as soon as he walked through the door. He could see Rosalie, Emmett, and Laurent on the stage doing their thing. His eyes sought out Jasper.

He wasn't with them.

Peter's heart started to pound in double time, his mouth tugging down at the corners. He'd never seen the band perform without Jasper. There was a man Peter had never seen in Jasper's place, signing his songs.

Then he heard a quick intake of breath and a strangled voice behind him. "Peter?"

Peter swung around, face to face with Jasper for the first time in far, far too long.

Somehow, the world flipped and was finally righted all at the same time. The two men stared at each other, neither of them speaking at first.

Even then, even after all that time, Peter wanted to kiss Jasper so badly it was almost a physical need. His body leaned toward the other man unconsciously, but his feet seemed to be made of lead. So Peter let his eyes travel over Jasper's features. His hair was a little shaggy, but not as long as Peter knew he liked it. His eyes were cautious but not closed off or angry. His full lips were parted in an 'o' of shock.

"What are you…" Jasper blurted, but cut himself off. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to slow down before he spoke. "What are you doing here?"

That seemed to break the spell that Peter was under. He found himself able to move again and rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. "I'm here for you. I mean, I'm here to talk to you. Please," he added.

Jasper's eyes darted to the stage and back to Peter quickly. He hesitated, but then he nodded. "Let's go outside."

Peter tried not to let his relief show.

They walked outside and kept walking a little ways into the wide parking lot, right where the light started having trouble reaching. Jasper stopped, but he didn't turn around. Peter just waited, holding his breath.

Finally, finally, Jasper turned. He looked up and his eyes took Peter in one part at a time - lightly stubbled chin, sweet, kissable lips, straight nose...and Peter's eyes. "I've really missed you," Jasper said on a breath.

Peter swallowed back the lump in his throat. "I've really missed you too," he said softly. "A lot."

Again there was silence between them, too charged to be completely awkward. "You said you wanted to talk?" Jasper prompted finally.

Peter shifted, nervous. "I guess there isn't an easy way to say this," he mumbled. He sighed heavily. "Look, Jasper... you can't imagine how sorry I am that it's taken me so much time to tell you but... I love you."

Jasper sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes instantly dropping to his feet. "Peter," he whispered, grasping for words. "I ... fuck." Then he laughed, a raw, humorless sound. "After all this time that I've wanted to hear that from you...and you choose now?"

The lump was back in Peter's throat - more painful than ever. "It took me a long time to figure out... I need my job, you know... it's part of me, but this," he gestured between the two of them, "this is part of me too. I don't think I can be happy if I'm denying who I am... any part of who I am."

He stared off at some point in the distance, trying the words out in his head before he spoke them out loud. "I want to talk about us, Jasper. If there's a possibility of us after everything. I want to talk about being with you...out in the open. I mean, I know it will take time, but I want ... us."

"Fuck," Jasper repeated under his breath. He closed his eyes tightly for a handful of moments before he looked up. His eyes were wide, almost mournful, and when he spoke his tone was sad. "I hope...I really hope that you mean all of that, not for me, but for yourself. You don't know how happy that makes me. But you and me, Peter...that ship has sailed."

For a moment, Peter's vision swam and Jasper's voice blurred to the point that he couldn't make out the words the other man was saying. When the world came back into focus, Jasper was still talking. Or babbling was more accurate. "... I'm moving to Chicago. There's nothing for me here, really. Edward misses his parents and they like me..."

"Edward," Peter repeated, numbly. He bent at the waist, putting his hands on his knees. "I'm an idiot. You know, it never even occurred to me that you wouldn't feel the same way you did," Peter muttered, running a hand over his eyes.

"It's not about not feeling the same way. A lot has changed. There's a lot you don't know about me anymore," Jasper said quickly. Hating to see Peter in pain, Jasper quickly closed the distance between then. His hands were on Peter's face then, trying to get him to look up. "What I need and what I can give...I'm a lot clearer on that now. But what I  _feel_ hasn't changed."

Peter looked up slowly, trying to breathe through his closed throat. He searched the other man's eyes, seeing that he was telling the absolute truth. There was still a fire there, a tenderness that could only be love. There was also utter pain, because Jasper was denying that love. Peter wrapped his hands around Jasper's wrists.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said, his voice gravely and full of emotion. "I'm so sorry, for so much. I know I didn't handle things the right way. I should have picked up the phone. I just didn't know how else to get over you. You...you consumed me. I couldn't even think straight. I didn't know what to do but to try to go cold turkey."

Peter chuffed softly. "And run to Edward."

Jasper was quiet for a long moment. "It wasn't like that. You have no reason to believe me, but it honestly didn't happen like that... not really. He was good to me - a shoulder to cry on and all that. He was real patient." Seeing Peter wince, Jasper rapidly changed the subject, not wanting to hurt the other man any more than he already was. "That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you know... I should have... I should have done a lot of things I didn't do and  _not_ done a lot of things I did do."

"We were both stupid about different things," Peter muttered. He was torn between wanting to run away as fast as he could and wanting to linger because it was starting to hit him that they were about to be over - honestly, truly, and irrevocably over.

His hands tightened around Jasper's wrists, but the other man didn't pull away.

"Peter," he whispered instead. The one word said so much. It was their combined pain, because they both knew what they were losing. It was everything left unsaid through months of longing and separation. It was all the things they should have said when they were busy lying to themselves about what they were to each other. It was the closure they had denied themselves by parting the way they did.

Jasper leaned in, meaning only to press a gentle kiss to Peter's forehead - an apology and an expression of the sincere emotion he felt for the other man. But he lingered, feeling the old pull he'd tried so hard to forget spark back to life with gusto.

There was only the sound of their breathing. The sounds from the bar - the sounds from the rest of the world - faded away entirely.

With a shuddering breath, Jasper kissed Peter's right cheek, lingering again, and then his left cheek. He froze then, trying to summon the willpower to take a step back and take his hands off Peter's face.

Before he could, Peter turned and tilted his head so that their lips brushed. They kissed once. Twice.

Then, with a ragged breath, Jasper took one giant step back, dropping his hands to his sides. He shook his head harshly, trying to regain rational thought - trying to remember all the months of self realizations and what was logic versus fantasy.

"I'm sorry," they both said together.

A full minute passed while they tried to breathe, tried to think, tried to summon the will to finally walk away.

"Can't we... can't we give ourselves a chance to do it right?" Peter asked hopelessly.

So much of Jasper wanted to just scream yes. He was overwhelmed by the longing in him to reach out and grasp the possibility of the images that inundated his mind then - images of what his life with Peter  _could_ be.

But when Jasper opened his mouth, what came out was a truth he couldn't deny. "Peter," he whispered, heartbroken because he was letting go of a beautiful dream, "I can't."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Oh, oh... please do continue to the epilogue. There's a reason I posted them together, because I'm pretty sure I'd die if it really ended there. But, if I can ask a favor? Come back. Hit the review button because omg I'm desperate to know what you were thinking here.


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT**: I listed the last chapter and the epilogue at the same time. Make sure you're reading this only after you've read Chapter 15.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them, they own me.

**Two Years Later**

There was no denying that Italy was gorgeous.

Peter Damon had worked his ass off since he was a teenager to earn the life he was currently living. Six months previous, his company had opened an office in Italy. As one of their top people, and an Italian speaker to boot, he'd been a shoe-in for this promotion.

He had a corner office. With a view.

Peter's company had bought out a smaller, independently run company in the city of Volterra. Currently, Peter's main job was working with the company's old owner, Aro Scarpinato, to assure a mutually beneficial, profitable transition.

But it was Aro's son, Demetri, who caught Peter's attention.

It wasn't just because Demetri was a natural leader. He commanded a room; he had a way of speaking that demanded everyone listen. He was naturally charming when handling accounts. He was firm, yet fair with the people under him. He was good at his job - driven to succeed and always met a challenge with gusto. At 28, he reminded Peter a lot of himself.

And fuck if he didn't look tasty in the Italian designer suits he wore.

That wasn't all that caught Peter's attention and held it. No, what really got under his skin - in that heated, titillating way - was the little things.

Demetri almost always seemed to choose the seat directly across from him during meetings. Peter would be listening to this report or that and suddenly would feel heat on his cheeks. A glance out of his peripheral vision would show that Demetri was looking up from under his eyelashes, a light smirk painting his features when he noticed Peter was looking back.

At first, Peter ignored it, sure he was seeing things.

Then Demetri stepped up his game. Pretending he was paying rapt attention, the Italian man would run the capped tip of his pen over his lips when he was sure Peter was watching. To everyone else he merely looked like he was caught up in whatever the speaker was talking about, but Peter couldn't help but think he did it on purpose.

Well, Demetri wasn't the only one who knew exactly how to use body language to get what he wanted. Peter started playing the game, stepping it up a notch. He would come up behind the slightly younger man, clapping him on the shoulder but letting his hand slide down his arm. He would lean into Demetri's personal space, innocently claiming a need for something just out of his reach.

And he would  _accidentally_ breathe gently into Demetri's ear when he did it.

"Mr. Damon, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to look over this report," Demetri approached him one afternoon, his alluring, accented voice unassumingly soft and gentlemanly.

"Hmmm," Peter pretended to consider it. "I don't know, Mr. Scarpinato," he said slowly, looking at his watch. "It doesn't seem like a report that takes only a few minutes would be very thorough. Perhaps you should reconsider your approach."

Demetri's ice blue eyes flashed with surprise before he calmed them into the easy going, invitingly open look he usually maintained. "I'm quite sure you won't be disappointed, Mr. Damon," he said in a low voice.

Peter regarded him, completely poised on the outside though his heart was threatening to pound out of his chest.

It had been so long since anyone, male or female, had made him feel so raw with energy and want. Oh, he had been with others since Jasper, but none for long, and none that had exuded a sexual presence that invaded Peter's every sense.

After what seemed like ages he nodded once at Demetri. "As it happens, I have the afternoon free," he said easily as he held the door to his office open."

Demetri walked through it at a practiced, slow gait, but the instant Peter had shut the door his measured demeanor slipped away. His hands grasped at Peter's waist, pulling the other man against him. His lips were hard and demanding. His body pinned Peter against the wall.

Then there was the scramble of hands tugging at belts, pulling at buttons, and tugging off clothes while they struggled to remain connected in some way.

They tasted and explored with hands and tongues and limbs twisted together.

Eventually, they both lay on the office's couch in varying states of undress, loosely tangled together and breathing hard.

"That was..." Demetri began, but trailed off.

"Ill advised?" Peter supplied, but his voice was gentle when he said it.

"Mmm." Demetri assented. They were both smarter than to think what they'd just done was the best course of action.

Not that either of them particularly regretted it.

They dressed and they talked - for hours.

Peter told Demetri about Jasper.

After that night, when Jasper had turned Peter down, he had told him,  _"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know we could have something... sensational, Peter. But you and I, we've always been about wrong timing, and not knowing what we really need."_  He'd sighed, a little helpless.

 _"Look, I'll understand if you never do...but if you want to talk, really talk about why, text me. E-mail me. Whatever, I promise I'll answer this time."_  He had smiled, a sad smile with his full of wanting. Peter could see that Jasper wanted to touch him then, but he made a fist and jammed his hands into his pockets.  _"I am sorry, Peter."  
_  
It took Peter almost three months to text Jasper. Then, a month after that, he was in Chicago on business and agreed to meet with his former lover over lunch. He'd pushed aside the ache, because it still hurt quite a bit to see Jasper and not be able to touch him, and he asked for the rest of the story.

Jasper told him how Edward had not said a word about being together after that morning. Instead, he acted like the friend that he was. He sometimes went to see the band on Fridays but made sure to sit at the table with all of them, not just Jasper. He called every once in a while to ask if Jasper wanted to go to this event or that gallery, but he always made sure he tacked on "As a friend," to the end of his invitation so that there were no questions.

He wasn't waiting. He'd even gone on a date or two. But Edward was right when he'd said not a lot of people appealed to him in general. He was never impressed with his dates.

Jasper had started to think about the difference between Texas and Chicago. He knew it was true, what Edward had said before, that different areas tended to have different attitudes. Atmosphere and conditioning he'd called it.

Jasper could see that Edward struggled with the closed minded politics that the polite, laid back demeanor of many Texans didn't sit quite well with the younger man. It wasn't that the people of Texas were stupid. Many just preferred simplicity. Edward did not. Edward preferred to discuss and debate, in a respectful manner. He preferred to think about things.

Without a doubt, Jasper knew that Texas wouldn't hold Edward for long.

Four months after their last night together, Jasper called Edward and, feeling ridiculously nervous, invited the other man to a restaurant he wanted to try in Austin.

 _"As friends?"_  Edward had asked after a long pause.

 _"Friends...on a date,"_  Jasper had responded.

Their relationship was good, strong, loving. He loved Edward well.  _"It's not the same, you know...as with you,"_  Jasper told Peter.  _"I don't love him the same way I loved you."_

It was like this. Jasper said he was still young, but he'd been in love three times in his short life. The way he figured it, it was possible for one person to love an infinite number of times in an infinite number of ways. What eluded a lot of couples was the fact that love was not all you needed in life.

The way Jasper had loved Alec was as natural as breathing. It was something that was fated - written into his life before he was even born. When he'd seen Alec for the first time, he'd fallen in love instantly. It wasn't attraction - lust. It was love, pure and true.

And look how that turned out.

Alice hadn't left him because their love wasn't strong enough. Jasper said that he could understand that now. Alice had left him because it wasn't all she needed. Everyone needed more than just love to have a full, happy life.

Loving Peter, Jasper said, was like climbing a mountain. God - it was exhilarating at the top. The view was unparalleled – the most magnificent thing you'd ever see in your life. But it was the kind of love that could kill you if you weren't equipped, just like the mountains were deadly to the ill advised. The unforgiving stone could easily tear your skin and leave your body cut and broken.

That's what it felt like, Jasper said, when Peter had called him that terrible name, and again when Peter had said, in so many words, loving Jasper wasn't worth the risk involved. He felt like he was tumbling down a mountain being torn to pieces before he was dashed on sharp, craggy rock.

He told Peter not to apologize. In so many ways, it was better that he had said no to begin with. He said that neither of them had been prepared to survive.

Jasper had thought he was strong enough, like the hikers that started up the mountain without supplies thinking they were stronger than nature. It had taken him weeks and then months of introspection to realize that he never could have been what Peter needed anymore than Peter could have been what he needed. Oh, loving Peter would have been the highest of highs – but what would their lives outside each other be?

Peter didn't have the strength Jasper needed to draw him out of a shell that he hadn't even realized he'd crawled into.

How could Jasper have taught Peter to be proud and confident when he was so insecure himself?

On the other hand, there was the way that he loved Edward. His love for Edward was like a mountain lake on a summer day. The waters were tranquil, with gentle waves lapping easily against rounded, pebbled rocks. Maybe it wasn't as breathtaking as being on top of the mountain, but there was a great beauty in the way the lake turned the surrounding land deep shades of green.

They were good for each other – he and Edward. On top of building and strengthening their own relationship, Edward had exposed Jasper to so many interests outside of them. Where Peter had never questioned that Jasper had his work and his music, Edward encouraged him to step outside that bubble.

Jasper had discovered a deep rooted passion for learning. It was something he'd almost forgotten about himself. When he was a boy, school had been exciting. He'd been an eager learner. All of that had been pushed aside after his hormones kicked in and life got too confusing. He'd effectively dropped out of school when his father had kicked him out of the house, and he'd left Houston for Austin. Even though he'd gone back and finished his degree some years later, he hadn't even thought about college or anything like that. Edward, just by virtue of the way he lived his own life, had opened his mind to a world of possibilities. Jasper found himself wondering if maybe there was something more fulfilling out there than teaching self-defense.

Now that he was learning to deal with the innate terror and paranoia that his father had literally beaten into him, Jasper was finding out that he had accidentally clung to too many labels. He wasn't just a singer. He wasn't just a teacher. There was so much more out there for him.

He and Edward were alike in that way. They were rewriting who they thought they were. They were well matched – each of their strengths compensating for where the other was weak.

" _Won't you get bored just ...sitting by the lake?"_  Peter had asked, trying to keep hurt and incredulity out of his voice.

Jasper had smiled in that way of his – that smile that made Peter want to beg for another chance, even then. He'd smiled and said that sometimes you needed love to be steady because life already had all the excitement you could ask for.

He said, though, that even after all the pain, he would never, ever regret Peter. Then he continued, saying that, even if it seemed like it, it hadn't been an easy choice - deciding, once and for all, that they shouldn't be together.

It had taken two years and a lot of bitterness, but Peter could genuinely say that he didn't regret meeting Jasper.

"Are you still in contact with him?" Demetri asked.

Peter smiled. "We e-mail from time to time. He likes Chicago a great deal." He chuckled, and the fondness was easy to read on his face. "He told me recently that he understands my passion for my work a lot better now. He said that he never could quite wrap his head around how a job was such a huge factor in why I denied the love we could have had. But he does a lot of work for one of the history museums out there now, and he says he can't imagine losing that."

Demetri nodded in agreement. "Losing this," he gestured around the office, "would be losing a large part of who you are."

"Exactly," Peter agreed.

Then Demetri told his story. He spoke of his older brother, Felix, and how Felix was all that was man. He was broad where Demetri was slender, muscled where Demetri was merely nicely cut, completely masculine in demeanor where Demetri was refined - or you could call it metrosexual. He had a wife and two beautiful children.

Though he didn't say it directly, Demetri always got the same message from his father:  _Why can't you be more like your brother?_

He didn't know what his father would think about his type. "People with dangly bits," Peter inserted, fondly remembering Jasper's description.

He certainly understood Peter's lingering fears about what it would mean for them - personally and professionally.

They both left the office with much to think about.

It was a couple of weeks later that Peter picked up the phone to find Demetri on the other line. There was a lecture being held at the University nearby and he knew of a fantastic little restaurant that they could have dinner in beforehand.

"As friends?" Peter asked, timid but wanting.

"Friends...on a date," Demetri had responded.

In his corner office with a view, Peter leaned back in his chair and smiled widely. "Yes. I'd like that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: And so we've come to the end of our tale. This was always the way it was going to end. I know the pairing said Jasper/Peter but that's because it was their story - not because they were going to end up together. They never were. I wrote OFF originally as a o/s but I always knew that this is how my boys were going to end up.
> 
> This fic would not he been possible without the support of jadedandboring, conversed, josieswan, bmango and the generous contributions of viewers like you.
> 
> What? Can't get enough of me? Lol. Current or upcoming projects you might be interested in (otherwise known as Kris has Fic ADHD)
> 
> Parenthetical Love - canon E/B. N/c everyone else (Peter and Jasper are a couple here)
> 
> My Life Extended - Jasper/Bella
> 
> The Swan Curse (name tentative) with tellingmelies - All canon but come on. Jasper and Bella are gonna be PIRATES and Edward is gonna be the governor's son. BWAH. Fun. Oh, it's a Pirates crossover. Jasper is Jack's son. Captain Jackson Sparrow anyone? (Will be available on tellingmelies' profile)
> 
> Notes on the Fridge with Conversed - Emmett/Jasper - PS...if you have not read the marvelousness that is anything that Conversed writes...get on that. Even Twinned is slashy, though it's innocent slashy... and it's amazing. (Will be available on Conversed's profile)
> 
> Let me know peoples. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, thank you so much for taking this journey with me.


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